hmmmm

[AsphyxZero]

jello !!

Some of you may know that I'm in the military. You may also know that I'm Torrent, a (washed up) simfile artist. I figured I'd tell y'all why I haven't been around for the past week. Some of you might not have noticed I was gone, but oh well.

Ever since I got to my unit last April, I was very depressed. I didn't like El Paso, my unit, my coworkers, the military. I let it kind of bottle up inside, thinking nothing of it. I was just having trouble adjusting to the full blown military lifestyle, after two years in the reserves (national guard, w/e).

Around late August last year, I attempted suicide. I didn't really think it through (obviously), and it was totally impulsive. But I called 911 and was brought to the hospital. I had attempted to overdose by taking over 25 grams of naproxen. Fortunately, it had already digested through my system and I was sent back to my unit with no hangups. After a bit of a talking to by my first sergeant and commander, I returned to duty. I still hated where I was and what I was doing, but I figured to "man up" and keep my depression bottled inside. Which ended up being the worse possible thing I could do.

I had monthly therapy with a psychiatrist, about my suicide attempt and my depression and my past. Things went well enough. Until last wednesday, when I attempted suicide again.

This time it wasn't impulsive. I had a clear idea of what I was going to do. I had planned on going into my room and cutting until I died of blood loss. But something told me to call 911 again. So I did. And kept cutting myself. After about 10 minutes, dispatch got to my room. Most of what happened afterwards was a blur. I remember getting my arm wrapped in gauze, the hospital room, my boot laces being taken away from me. And then I got submitted into the mental health clinic. Where I stayed for 5 days.

That really allowed me to express my thoughts. What I had done had a very strong effect on me, even if I didn't do much. I talked to the doctors, who did a couple psych tests. Turns out that I have a disorder called adjustment disorder. And PTSD. And ADHD. And bipolar disorder. When the doctor told me this, she asked me if there was anything else that I had left out about myself. I told her that I was done with the army and that I didn't care about it anymore at all.

And so now, I'm being medically discharged. Good 3 years, but it took two suicide attempts to realize that the army isn't for me.

I'll leave you with this: The army definitely isn't for anyone. If you plan on getting married anytime soon though, join. Doesn't matter what branch, really. The military really helps provide for your wife/husband and children (if you have any). Us single folk essentially get ****ed over. It takes a strong will to cope with the various terrible units that you can be assigned to. I'm not saying that I'm weak myself, but I'm not fit for the military.

Don't really know why I'm telling y'all this. Probably just to get it off my chest and so I can answer any questions anyone has for me.

According to my command, I should be gone from Texas by the end of March. Back to Vegas.

[who_cares973]

damn bro

[prefx]

Never really knew you, but I'm sorry to hear this all, It's good to hear that you're well, and I hope everything works out for you

Be well.

[MrGiggles]

Talking is therapeutic. I hope your life improves vastly once you ditch this part of your life.

By the way, where did the ptsd originate from?

[AsphyxZero]

Originally Posted by MrGiggles

By the way, where did the ptsd originate from?

Childhood. ;_;

[Emo_Saur_]

That's rough bro, at least you've realize what changes needed to happen. What I really don't understand is why you called 9-11. It's nice to have therapy sessions by the way, they have helped me in many times. I was admitted when I was 7 having suicidal thoughts, but that was just my anger and frustration problems which still plague me today. I hope things are on the upturn from here on out man. The military sure isn't for everyone, hence why I decided to not join the USAF.

[Aldentron]

I can relate with having bipolar depression, you did need attention, and the military is NOT a place to get it. You should always be honest with your psychiatrists, or else what's the point in going?
I just hope you can cope with the fact that you (probably) need to take medicine to feel alright now. For me I accepted it easily, I feel so much better when I'm on my medicine. But I do know people that can't get over the fact that they "need" pills to be like a "normal person."

I'm glad that you did leave the military, because the thought of emotionally unstable people carrying guns is terrifying to me. I don't mean to offend you by saying that, but if I didn't have my medication for a long period of time, I wouldn't trust myself with a gun either.

[justin_ator]

Sad story, but glad to hear you are moving on and getting this off your chest. Hope it helps others out there as well. Guys, in all seriousness don't go all "you're an idiot, you tried to commit suicide" on him. It's not at all productive.

[revolutionomega]

Damn torrent, dude. I had no idea at all what was going on. I think I may have ever talked to you once but I'm always happy to help if you ever wanna chat. Feel free to pm for im's or my cel # and I'm down. Don't ever give up dude I'm sure you'll find a much more suitable career for yourself

[ninjaKIWI]

Hey, man. You know, if you ever really need to just talk about something, make a blog in FFya (You're in, right?). Everyone's more than happy to listen, you'll also probably get some good feedback.

[MrGiggles]

Originally Posted by ninjaKIWI

Hey, man. You know, if you ever really need to just talk about something, make a blog in FFya (You're in, right?). Everyone's more than happy to listen, you'll also probably get some good feedback.

Yeah I was a little surprised this wasn't an FFYa thread. It's more, idk, tight-knit and helpful with these kinds of threads.

[Go_Oilers_Go]

Good luck with whatever direction your life may take.

[Shikari]

That was... deep. Sorry for you, man.

I can relate to depression and childhood issues. Never took any medicine though, I just live with it. Who cares anyway? I don't.

About army, I have a clear idea that it sucks. Especially here in Brazil, where, in the first place, it's mandatory to any 18 years old teenager to join the army. Then it comes the "social" issues, like you might had. I don't really recommend anyone to join the army, unless they really want to, they really feel like to. It's definitely not for anyone.

I don't really have anything to say, except for I sincerely hope everything goes well for you, man. We already lost an FFR member last year, for the same way, another one would be rough.