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Old 04-28-2004, 02:38 AM   #1
aznsky
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Default The Poetry Thread! (cause we need one =) )

i woke up
on a corner
with my head down
waiting for a girl..
a girl with no identity
her face filled with passion and adventure suddenly comes up out of nowhere
she picked me up
picked me up away from the darkness i was sitting in
then we ran
holding each others arms
till we came to a beautiful building in a city filled with adventuring
we went inside the building
went to the staircase
unknowingly the staircases walls and stairs were made of glass
we started walking up
looking at the beautiful places we haven't been through the clear glass
since the stairs were clear and the walls it was like we were floting in thin air

then the more we walked up the more the day became night
till it was a full night at the very top
we opened the door
felt as if the wind was comforting us with warm cool breezy air
we sat
we talked
about randomness

nobody was around to bother us
it was like a mount everst in a different point of view
then both slept
till suddenly

I woke up
on the same corner
with my head down
i cried....
realizing it was nothing
nothing but a dream......
i cry and cry till i'm asleep again
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Please tell me your thoughts about my poem =)
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Old 04-28-2004, 03:50 AM   #2
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Punctuation is a key component to poetry. I think you should add some of that
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Old 04-28-2004, 04:34 AM   #3
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i alwasy thought it was the opposite
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Old 04-28-2004, 05:09 AM   #4
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No, punctuation is important.

Not to insult you, but anyone can write "poetry" simply by stringing words together that sound emotional and symbolic. The mark of a true poet is the ability to use the language to evoke specific feelings and emotions in the reader through form, meter, careful choice of words, and diction. Even free verse or blank verse still has carefully veiled hidden meanings and enigmas for the reader to discover through clues left by the poet.

What you've written is stream-of-consciousness, not poetry. That's not necessarily a bad thing, there's just something it is and something it isn't.
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Old 04-28-2004, 05:31 AM   #5
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punctuation is soo soo soo soo soo improtant

use it, it can't hure 8)
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Old 04-28-2004, 06:08 AM   #6
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Worst. double post. Ever.

Way to go Chardish. Right on about the poetry. You wear your signature proud.
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Old 04-28-2004, 06:28 AM   #7
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I wrote this my senior year of high school, and before reading I want to have it known that the italicized text is denoting another speaker, which is important to understand the piece. If you want, I can try to find some other poems if I still have them.



As I look back on the things I have wrote,
A teacher she commented, "You'll go far!"


...

People have told me things I don't realize,
Creations and fictions that I'll change peoples' lives.
Ideas implanted in my mind, so to say,
I affect others near me in a 'positive' way.

I wish I knew what fabricates these myths,
Visions fortold that I don't think exist,
Qualities and attributes I find myself lacking,
Fluffed up to be great when my posture is slacking.

"You'll go far!" What's that mean?
This sentence is written on things that I've seen...


I got the lecture that some students get,
Those misguided and not doing well yet,
In the form of small sentences on papers I lined,
Motivational offerings that played with my mind.

My own analysis turned up none of their conclusions,
I found only faults and mistakes, and not their delusions.
A simple vocabulary, some intangible thoughts,
Sentences would ramble--not finish--but rot!

"You'll go far!" That is absurd.
A definition of genius that's definitely blurred.


Then I came upon something I wrote in ninth grade,
And sat amazed at the thoughts I conveyed.
This was me?! That cannot be!
This was amazing! What was I thinking?!
I can barely think like that today!

...I am still skeptical,
Chance would allow this.
Can't strike out all the time,
Bound to get a hit--
You can't always miss...


On to other papers I found things once hidden,
A pile grew high of 'literature' I've written.
I sat and I studied and I pondered these things,
Engrossed in a thought only deep reflection can bring.

A version of me I never imagined to be,
Sharing my name, but who is this he?
Appearing for moments on a white paper screen,
Vanishing again like a phantom I dreamed.

But it was real, the truth unsealed,
The encryption of the red letters revealed.
"You'll go far!" Yes I will!
I've gone far and am going farther still!
Forever like light from a radiant star!
I will be with you always, wherever you are.
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Old 04-28-2004, 06:34 AM   #8
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You lose your meter a bit here and there but it's a very good poem. A little cornier in some places than is my taste, but good nonetheless.
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Old 04-28-2004, 08:47 AM   #9
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*Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*

Now why did it take a forum noob to realize that we needed a poetry thread? GG aznsky.
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Old 04-28-2004, 09:27 AM   #10
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we should make it a damn forum
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Old 04-28-2004, 09:33 AM   #11
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Something I wrote about a year ago:

Cider
Sparkling sweetness
Explosive birth unleashed
And I am

Eternal effervescence
Of the glimmering nectar
The same today
As tomorrow
As yesterday
Bubbling into luminance
Bursting into shadow
Again and again
Unique beauties
Draining away
Leaving the world
Scintillating shards
Of what once was

Pop!

And I am not
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Old 04-28-2004, 11:20 AM   #12
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Oh, I am SO gonna whore this thread when I get home. Just you wait...hehe..
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Old 04-28-2004, 02:09 PM   #13
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poetry's for fags.
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Old 04-28-2004, 09:49 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VxDx
poetry's for fags.
hmmm really?
Where did you hear THAT from?
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Old 04-28-2004, 09:56 PM   #15
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I'm really not a poetry fan, but some of the stuff here's pretty good. Perhaps this should be stickied?

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com/
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Sentences I thought I never would have to type.
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Old 04-28-2004, 09:58 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aznsky
Quote:
Originally Posted by VxDx
poetry's for fags.
hmmm really?
Where did you hear THAT from?
DONT. FEED. THE TROLL.
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Old 04-28-2004, 10:31 PM   #17
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Another one I wrote a while ago:

Pieces
I see my reflection
Upon a bright mirror
The utter perfection
Seems to me quite queer

A crack is soon found
An inauspicious flaw
Branching without bound
Into a vicious claw

It rips, it shreds
The image soon shatters
Unrav’ling threads
Of thickly-veiled matters

Summoned forth, yet unbidden
I cannot flee
As my shards once hidden
Stare back at me
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Old 04-29-2004, 12:08 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Omeganitros
*Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*
Actually it's proper to snap for poetry. If this is going to be the official poetry thread, people need to be educated!

Edit:

I might as well just post this now..here's my poem I wrote last year for some poetry project:

Idealism

I can see the sun setting.
It stretches over the Cascades and shines like the sky is on fire
I wonder if you see the same light...
If you can see the rays reaching over the horizon to places where everyone is nameless, and there's no home waiting for you except the one you've claimed inside my arms...

As it's brilliance starts to fade among the mountaintops and treelines
I can't help but let my mind wander to those places I'm unable to invent for myself,
Places where we don't have a past, and the future isn't anything but a consequence of our actions.
My actions are laced in love, driven by perpetual motion.

The night extinguishes the sky,
leaving scars behind my eyelids where I've been burnt by my dreams
But it can't erase the spark that's dancing in my eyes.
I wonder if you know the same spark...

Tomorrow I'll be in the same place,
Reaching towards on unforgiving distance and clutching onto everything we've created to believe in.
And everyday I start to believe a little more.
Everyday, the far away people begin to assemble names,
and their faces blur together to form the outline of your eyes.

Standing in front of the sun,
it slowly starts to swallow the entire landscape, the way you would imagine forever as being overwhelming.
And I smile knowing that we're under the same burning sky.
I smile knowing that everyday I'm getting a little bit closer towards those far away places,
and I'm getting a little bit closer to losing myself among their indifferent streets.

...Along with inside your eyes.
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Old 04-29-2004, 11:46 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VxDx
poetry's for fags.
Your FACE is for fags. Don't ever bash poetry again.

EDIT: My ethernet connection at home died yesterday, so I'll post my poems and whatnot here tomorrow.
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Old 04-29-2004, 12:32 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyborg_Mermaid
Quote:
Originally Posted by VxDx
poetry's for fags.
Your FACE is for fags. Don't ever bash poetry again.

EDIT: My ethernet connection at home died yesterday, so I'll post my poems and whatnot here tomorrow.
Why don't you write about your angst in some poetry there ace?
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