I want to be something I am not.

[UberMario]

Gallant.

Seriously, this is all I want. If this is fulfilled, I'd be the happiest man in the world. I want to become mature. Basically a gentleman and very polite to women. From how I've been raised and with the friends I've had, I'm extremely immature and a smart ass. I can have mature discussions, but I have no real street smarts AT ALL. I don't know dinner table manners, I don't know formal manners. I haven't known anything at all, basically. I feel like a fool to come up to such a woman and become her boyfriend.

PLEASE be serious in this thread.

I'd do anything for my ex-girlfriend. I will do anything for her. Don't consider this as a stupid "i want hr bak so badly" thread. I'm going to move in with her. I just... want to be the gallant gentleman I've never been and never sought to be until I met her.

Synopsis: give me suggestions on what to do for her, what to say to her, conversation starters (that aren't boring). We talk on msn and usually just get in a rut for talking. Say polite things that I can do just in general and/or for her.



K, going to bed. I'll check again once I wake up.

[Evascythe]

You're sixteen.
That's a bit early to be moving in with anyone.

[mmeegghhaann]

Don't be TOO nice and polite. Saying sorry and stuff all the time gets annoying.

[Tantric]

Damn bro, 16. AND YOU ARE MOVING IN!!? Personally, I think it's a bad idea. I don't want to give the "You're young" speach...buuut it is kind of young. I used to think the same thing at your age...My dad always told me "catch and release". And it works. Once you get a new girl...the other one is almost non-existant...well atleast for me.

Whats your situation anyways...what did you do, to make her hate you!?

[UberMario]

Bah, I might as well make my age 3 years older if I want you guys to take me seriously.

I'm not open to talk about what I did or why we're not still going out, but she does wish I would change. I do too. I just really want to be something that I'm not and I'd like it if you guys would just maybe help.

You know the 'alpha male', or... even just someone that would make a girl feel more secure around when walking at night? Yeah, I want to be that guy. So far, I've shown to be very geeky and play EverQuest, FFR, and have terrible social skills. It's not that she wants me to change so bad as that I really want to change myself.

[Tantric]

If she doesn't like you for who you are, dump her. People shouldn't try to change eachother for their bennefits...it's wrong. Find someone that will accept you for you. It's easy, trust me.

[UberMario]

I just said that I want to be that way, regardless of what she wants.

[Tantric]

You can't just magically "change" overnight. Change takes a lot time. I don't want to bash or anything...but, religion has played a huge part in my life. it has litterally changed me the past 3 years. i truely believe i'm a better person because of my faith. I dunno. You just have to tell yourself, ok, I'm not going to do this and this anymore...and just do what you say. change your friends so you're not an ass all the time...i dunno...learn to respect others.

[GuidoHunter]

Read the book "How to be a Gentleman" by John Bridges. It'll be great for you.

Hell, EVERY guy should read this book.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[Darkstalker_X]

To be honest, to change is something that takes long enough to be irreversible, you've been raised one way, and will keep that way, if not, most of your past will keep inside you, reminding you of how you were, I know your attitude really can be worse as you explain when coming to socializing, but you know, only you can change that and the way you are by own will of thought, if you consider yourself that bad, you by your own should abide by it, simple enough as "I can be bad, then I can be good", it's really up to copying the good example of others.

And your girl... she came up with you because she loves you for the way you are, think a bit, you may ask her how does she feel about you when you think you have done things wrong, then you can point out and correct the flails.

Go on with life, it's a lot to learn.

[Starshot]

I myself have always been against changing your own views and style of life to simply meet another person's approval. I do know what it feels to be in your shoes though, at this point, you're willing to do anything.

To be honest, dwelling over all this is not going to help.

Do what feels right to you, not someone else.

PS-Since when did chit chat become "Self help center?"

[spyke252]

wait
You guys aren't reading at all

he wants to do this anyway, not just because of his girlfriend

Since when did chit chat become "Self help center?"

this isn't a "OMG Help me talk to this girl" thread. he looks like he's tried to change, could not, and is asking for help, along with asking for little things that almost every guy should do. Certain people at this site (granted, probably in another forum, but that is probably the worst place to post this stuff) are intelligent and have been through this stuff before.

FFR, at least in my opinion, is a good place to ask questions that I feel insecure about to people who know enough about the subject, if only for the anonymity. For example, I can ask a certain person pretty much any question I want about sex without feeling the dirtiness or pervertedness that comes from asking my parents or teachers or friends, while still knowing that this person is real, and not just some website that some guy thought up. Or if I just want to ask an average question, I can know that someone like Guido will give great advice, I mean, where else would I have found out about that book? It sounds great, gonna look in my library for it. Even questions on history, math, and the english language in general are answered here, if a person decides to look around. It's not like FFR is a bad place to ask for help on virtually any subject.

The only times that this kind of stuff bugs me are if there is more than one thread about it (like the "help me get with this girl" threads), the people haven't even tried to do anything and just believe that they will get the answer to life through posting on FFR (also like the "help me get with this girl" threads), or the OP is so horribly unreadable that I can't read it at all (definitely like the "help me get with this girl" threads).

Finally, on topic. I would suggest reading that book Guido said, doing chivalrous acts, etc. I hear spontaneous acts of affection help too. But I really don't have as much experience in this subject as most respected people of FFR.

[UberMario]

Thank you Guido and spyke. I'll probably look for it in Chapters or something next time I go into the city.

[Specforces]

My friend, as young as you are to be coming up with these revelations I applaud you for your newfound insight. Now the real question is this: Can you hold true to these ideas and fight to become something better, or will you just let it all fall to the wayside?

If you do, just remember, you're young. This will all come in time if you let it. But do what Guido says and read that book.

[Verruckter]

Becoming gallant starts with being polite in general. If you can know, but most of all remember how to be polite to everyone, not just women, then it's very easy to be gallant.

[UberMario]

Originally Posted by Specforces

My friend, as young as you are to be coming up with these revelations I applaud you for your newfound insight. Now the real question is this: Can you hold true to these ideas and fight to become something better, or will you just let it all fall to the wayside?

If you do, just remember, you're young. This will all come in time if you let it. But do what Guido says and read that book.

I'm going to hold onto it for dear life. Also, if I do prevail, I won't be on this forum anymore (nor much of the internet). I'm building a website with her and am going to be the programmer with no experience at all when I decided to help.

Shox, chivalry seems to be a lot more accepted in Canada by women than America. It's terrible that I never knew of the word until a few months ago. I wish to be that guy that lays his jacket on the puddle for the lady (or hold the door... in which case that seems to always be the most common thing to do for that).

Verruckter, yeah I read somewhere about being a gentleman and that is to be polite to anyone regardless of who they are and if they decide to be rude to you, never lower yourself to their level and just be calm, etc.

Oh, with that said about my website... is there anyone interested in helping me? If so, PM me.

[flipsta_lombax]

See, you have already taken the first step to maturity, and that's admitting your self weaknesses. Maturity, as well as love and charity, takes time. You're youung; you probably have alot to go through in the future.

First, how did you guys break up? Did she end it or did you pull it off? It would be easier if you are the one to back down seeing that she'll be more forgiving. Though I am not sure what'll happen if she backed down.

Sometimes in life, we have to let go of things we really charish deep inside us. Though it would be hard to let go, we just have to face that better things may and will happen in our lives, just by seeing life opptomistically.

Though life does give second chances. If I were you, I'd take my time gradually taking her back, like befriend her at first; never ask her out again. IMO, that is just a big no-no. As you two are friends, take time to talk with her, and somehow, get emotionally intact with her. Guys, I know, aren't usually the ones to have such quality, but if you are really desperate, this is the way to go.

But hey, let's face it, I am merely a person in the vast corners of the Intraweb; it's all up to you how you decide this. But it's nice to offer people even if it's just a reply on a random forum. Good luck.

[UberMario]

flipsta, I'm not in here for any support upon having her come back to me. She broke it off, but we're going to be living together. We're friends. Good friends. In fact, she's probably my only friend now.

How shox gave little tips and advice is really what I'm looking for. That is because I never really had a parent tell me how to act... for anyone. I slouch, I spit, I make witty smart-ass jokes, I laugh at stupid stuff. I never got into drugs though, but all my bad qualities have been accepted and never been frowned upon it seemed. I just really hate how I never even saw those things as anything bad.

[flipsta_lombax]

Well, let's hope common-sense is present within you; you will know what is the right thing to do with her.

Adding to shox's list, I'll add communication first; it's quite a pre-requisite. You can also try to practice ways to make her feel better, like...making her laugh. Seeing that she is possibly your only friend, try telling her you're the most awesome person in the world.

And the minor things that relates to shox's ideas are pretty self-explanatory. You'll know you're doing something right if she is smiling or maybe even hug you or whatever.

[UberMario]

Yeah, drinking never was something I never really appreciated. Having a few beer is fine, but pointless. She also hates beer. I hate hard liquor. Other than scotch. I don't like smoking, I hung out with kids that did all the time. They all spat, that's where I got the habit from. i m kool. I quit spitting though. I try to hold doors open for her, open the car door for her, I just really wish I was taller or a bit bulkier. I've the waist of a 12 year old girl, it's really cool since I can eat anything I want and not gain weight, but with that, I don't have much weight and could be tossed pretty easily. Any ideas to make up for height? I try very hard to quit slouching even though I've been doing it all my life really badly and no one said a word against it.