How to get over social anxiety?

[A2P]

Today I realized how frightened I am of the idea of socialization. Whenever I talk to anuone IRL I keep thinking no one likes me or wants to be around me, like I piss off everyone with my existence. I know I sound loke some dumb confused high schooler but this is something I've struggled with pretty much my entire life...I hate it.

Phew. That's a lot off my chest.

[Jerry DB]

take pride in the fact that your an individual and realize you have something to offer for everyone. For me I became very social as I built skills throughout my life. Whatever it is I practice I try to get other people involved and build through each others experiences. The more you socialize about things in your comfort zone the better you will build your confidence and ability to socialize with anyone, regardless of the topic. Also try to surround yourself with people who aren't assholes, that helps a lot as well haha

[blindreper1179]

I'm the exact same way.

[00Razor00]

idk man, you're p. chill, funny and seem like you'd be fun to hang around with..

don't tell yourself otherwise. 8)

just try to talk to people. if they end up disliking you, oh well... ~plenty of fish in da sea~

[justin_ator]

I'd tell you advice if I knew any, I just feel like a ****ing annoyance and burden to everyone

[Frank Munoz]

People are weird; so are emotions and thoughts.
Honestly, getting over social anxiety, or anything really, requires an absurd amount of luck sometimes.

[jductape]

it's funny because I feel super awkward on the internet but completely fine in real life.

the best thing you can do: Be Genuine.

I also agree with Jerry on this one. With practice, you and others around you will realize that you indeed have something to bring to the table. And with more practice, you'll become more comfortable. But if you don't want to be social, then you shouldn't have to. Society puts too much pressure on people to be extroverts, that it makes introverts (i'm assuming) like you feel out of place when it should not be that way.

[Pseudo Enigma]

Originally Posted by A2P

Today I realized how frightened I am of the idea of socialization. Whenever I talk to anuone IRL I keep thinking no one likes me or wants to be around me, like I piss off everyone with my existence. I know I sound loke some dumb confused high schooler but this is something I've struggled with pretty much my entire life...I hate it.

Phew. That's a lot off my chest.

Step 1 is acceptance (p.s. it's not just IRL)

Don't worry man I'm in the same boat as you though. Just push yourself into social situations more and more, like taking a hot bath or something. Eventually the "water" cools down and you become so comfortable with it you don't feel like getting out.

[dragonmegaXX]

Honestly I just stopped giving a **** what anyone thought about what I was in real life and it made my life a lot better.

Having low self esteem/bad social skills hurts everything from your friends to your job prospects so there's no point in being anti-social .

[MinaciousGrace]

i feel the same way but then i realise its becoz i make a serious attempt to piss pepl off with my existinence and that makes me happy

[Wayward Vagabond]

hey a2p lets get a brew

[Reincarnate]

In general: Take charge of the conversation and ask questions. The rest tends to work itself out naturally.

I take it your anxiety only applies to meeting new people? Or does it also apply to people you already know? I ask because the "types" of anxiety associated with each have different implications.

[DossarLX ODI]

Usually for me it works better to figure out the context of the discussion with the person I'm speaking with. Almost nobody on my dorm floor knew what FFR or Stepmania was, but they knew Guitar Hero and DDR. My roommates were playing guitar hero earlier with their friends, and we talked about skill drops after not playing for a long time and favorite songs, etc.

So basically, try to figure out what the other person's interests are. I wouldn't bring up a discussion about Stepmania/FFR with my parents for example, they obviously don't know it and don't care.

[Crazyjayde]

Hmmm. Come to think of it, I actually recently realized that I developed some kind of demophobia/ochlophobia due to my lack of social skills, and it actually worsened some of my relationships this past month. I have to tell you beforehand that I am an extremely introverted person in the sense that I hide my true nature and personality to my entourage. I'm living kind of a double life. I don't fear strangers nor social talk, but I despise myself a lot and fear judgement above all. Thing is, I love to talk and social interaction is something I like to experiment with, but in parallel, I seclude myself a lot.

I won't go any further on that since it's an extremely complex feeling, but in short, you could say that my recent social issues are the sum of years of efforts and concessions to live through it. There's no easy way facing it, it's something that is part of your nature, but there are some ways you can do it better for yourself. And since I don't know much about you, I'm gonna talk about things in general:

1. First off, conceive the principle of singularity as a determining aspect of your person. Define yourself as an individual and reflect (a lot) on the perception you have of your existence. Actually, my lack of social skills comes from a low self-esteem and a feeling of being apart from everyone, and so I could not go anywhere without "building myself up". As of me, existentialism thinking and my anthropology classes helped me clear my mind. That's really the only thing I can't tell you much, it's pretty subjective to everyone.

2. Simplicity. This might sound dumb, but if you have a tendency to complicate things like me, it might be profitable to drop everything and adopt a different mentality. Be light as a mother****ing cloud. In the sense of having the "what do I care?" motto on your forehead. People might be judgmental but it should not influence your choices one bit. Speak to people even though you might feel insecure and let them know you're someone interesting.

3. Change your environment and entourage. I don't have a good bunch of friends anymore. In fact I'm not too sure I still consider people my "friends". I'm really the kind of guy to befriend girls, and during the past year, I reunited with some old friends who I never thought we would ever speak to each other anymore. And they are actually the funniest and most sincere gals I've ever known. So just charge in (not literally). Speak to strangers and see if you can start a friendly discussion. Just experiment with people, and if you feel oppressed, pass on and don't even think about it. Just gotta find the right match.

4. Society is meant to be criticized. It is certainly not a perfect system and it might be good to reconsider what you know about it. Do your own definition of it. Analyze how we interact with people, what is wrong and right about our current structures, our human nature, just everything. This is my main source of inspiration in arts, and while it may look like this would draw you away from being more apt in social interactions, it might give you a better understanding in long run of why you screw things up.

5. Last thing is altruism, but this is really personal to me. Help people get better, or simply be generous with new encounters. Thus helping you grasp the equality you share with someone else. It's pretty much the simplest way to make a close bonding with people.

Hope you have the chance to clear your mind and understand your personality better.

EDIT: Yeah, well in short. Acceptance is the way to go.

[Wayward Vagabond]

doing drugs also helps. tons of drugs

[Aldentron]

more important than how to get over social anxiety:

[Wayward Vagabond]

Just as good a video now as when I first saw it

[smartdude1212]

I feel roughly the same way, though there's a distinct difference between the person I was in grade 11 and the person I am now. The summer break leading into grade 12 was easily the most personally freeing of my entire life -- in both positive and negative ways, unfortunately -- but it still opened my eyes to the idea that I do not have to give as much of a **** as I once thought I did.

I used to be of the opinion that not giving a **** straight up transformed you into an asshole. Instead, it's better to balance not giving a **** with giving a partial ****, particularly with things that you most enjoy. After doing that, I became noticeably happier with my own life (and like to think that it reflected to those around me, though with my horrendously biting sense of sarcasm I probably just continue to piss people off more than I realize).

I still have issues with talking to people though. Conversations can get boring to me incredibly fast, and I'm not one to discuss banal topics. I'm also a horrible conversation starter unless it's something about which I am very passionate, very knowledgeable, or very curious. There are very few people in my life who I can hold lengthy conversations with, but they are certainly the ones I have come to respect the most.

I do like eavesdropping on conversations though. It's thrilling to hear people constantly say things like "yeah" and "uh huh" when listening, or for the speaker to say "you know?" or "right?" every so often. I don't understand what it adds to the conversation other than to verify that you are indeed paying attention, or to elicit such a verification from someone. Why is this thrilling? Because I feel like I haven't fallen into such a cycle, and I can personally vindicate my own egotistical existence. Next time you listen to someone speak, count how many times they say "you know?" or "right?" or what-have-you. If you point it out, it's almost embarrassing. I digress...

So yeah, other than being an asshole like that, I'm still proud of you for voicing your fears. That's some tough shit.

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

Originally Posted by dragonmegaXX

Honestly I just stopped giving a **** what anyone thought about what I was in real life and it made my life a lot better.

Kinda how I go about it till you lump me into a large group of unknown people or a girl who I deem interesting, then I still kinda shut down.

Social norms are actually really headache inducing when you think about them to much.

[TheThong]

Originally Posted by dragonmegaXX

Honestly I just stopped giving a **** what anyone thought about what I was in real life and it made my life a lot better.

Pretty much this.

I used to care too much about what other people thought of me and it'd cause me to feel more anxious when I was out and about - so in short, be yourself. Do whatever makes you happy/silly/sad/angry/whatever and try not care about what someone else will think of it. It took me awhile to get into this mindset, but it really does help. (Not sure if it will help you, but it wouldn't hurt to try!)