Zapmeister presents: Deal Or No Deal

[DarkManticoreX2]

Oh this is exciting!

Good luck!

[Zapmeister]

3 - 250,000 credits

Celebratory music erupts from the speakers. Confetti fills the air and all the 400 audience members are wildly flailing their arms about and singing and saying "woooooo" or something like that.

Mrpreggers is furious. He picks up a blobfish and throws it straight at the Banker in anger. He misses. He keeps picking up blobfish and throwing them at the Banker. The Banker dodges every time, but he lunges for the lever at the back of the cupboard to stop it from spewing more blobfish. Mrpreggers continues picking up the blobfish on the floor and throws them at The Banker. He eventually hits the Banker's back with his 11th and 12th fish. The Banker gets mad, turns around, and tries to pick up the 11th fish to throw back at mrpreggers. Unfortunately for him the 12th fish is still alive and wriggles to the Banker's feet unknowingly and he trips over it and hurts himself a little bit. Still, the Banker isn't too mad, since the 250000 is gone from the board.

13 - 3,000 credits

Unsure of how to react, the Banker just says to mrpreggers, "Keep doing that. Have an all-red round. It'll be good for you."

Mrpreggers just tries to pick up another blobfish, but The Banker's stare makes him drop it. Still, he thinks the fact that The Banker is covered in blobfish guts is hilarious.

18 - 1 credit

"Screw you! And screw the fact that I'm not allowed to swear on daytime TV!" the Banker shouts.

"I hope this isn't on daytime TV, not least because of all this fish and stuff."

"Well fuck you then!"

(silence)

Your board:


One of the audience members starts booing. The rest follow. One audience member and mrpreggers initiate a blobfish fight, which quickly dies down once mrpreggers uses the mattress as a shield. Meanwhile the Banker has picked the phone up, and is quite mad.

"Listen. I ordered 4 cubic feet of blobfish - and you gave me 4 feet cubed! I don't know how pathetic you are at basic arithmetic, but this place is now going to smell disgusting for a week of TV shows and it'll be all YOUR fault. I'm going to get a forklift to pick up all 60 surplus cubic feet of blobfish and throw them back at YOU."

Pause. While all of this is going on, mrpreggers notices a strange blue goo dripping from the ceiling. It is definitely not related to the blobfish.

The Banker continues screaming down the phone. "And stop the automatic-mattress-on-floor thing when the blobfish dispenser hits, that was NEVER part of the show, and it's just annoying."

A blobfish flies in the air and knocks the phone out of the Banker's hand and by coincidence straight back on its receiver.

"Who was that?" the Banker snarls. Mrpreggers is hiding on the other side of the table even though it wasn't him. The Banker finds him.

Mrpreggers sees the Banker approach him with a blobfish in his hand.

"It was you wasn't it?"

"No," he responds sheepishly.

The Banker throws it straight at him. He still misses, from like 2 metres away. He groans.

"10,000 credits. Deal Or No Deal?"

If you No Deal, you will have to pick 3 more boxes before your next offer. The ones you have left are: 7 8 10 12 15 16 20.

[mrpreggers]

well fuck me......................... no deal
12, 15, 16 godddddddddddd i need that 100000

[Zapmeister]

12 - 5,000 credits

Mrpreggers and the Banker both think that the removal of that value from the board didn't really help them. To diffuse the situation mrpreggers tries experimenting with the blue goo that has now formed a distinctive pile on the floor. The Banker crinkles his brow. "That's... not supposed to be there. Seriously," he says. "I wouldn't touch it if I were you." He has a serious tone of voice. Mrpreggers touches it anyway.

15 - 500 credits

The Banker sighs. "Damn it," he murmurs. He's still trying to clean all the blobfish guts from his shirt, but he fails. Mrpreggers has observed that the blue stuff has some bouncy properties. "Interesting," he mutters to himself.

16 - 1,000 credits

Neither the Banker nor mrpreggers can react to the lowest red vanishing when their attention is suddenly gripped by a small piece of the ceiling caving in and blue stuff falls out of the hole and splashes on the floor. The Banker is completely shocked. Mrpreggers is also shocked, but only a little bit.

Your board:


Call Me Maybe plays from the phone.

The Banker picks it up. "I don't care about your stupid ringtones anymore. FIX THIS LOUSY ARCHITECTURE! MY STUDIO SHOULD NOT HAVE HOLES IN THE CEILING! ESPECIALLY NOT HOLES WITH WEIRD BLUE STUFF DRIPPING FROM THE CEILING!" The emphasis was on "blue", as if The Banker is now afraid of seeing anything blue after years of following Deal Or No Deal.

Mrpreggers is bored and picks up a blobfish and throws it onto the blue stuff. It bounces suspiciously high, hits the wall behind, leaps into the air and straight back at mrpreggers. He ducks. The fish flies over his head and straight at an audience member who screams "UGHHHHH".

The Banker turns at mrpreggers. "No throwing things at audience members! That's just unsporti--" A blobfish hits him in the face. Again, nobody knows who threw it, but mrpreggers is too far away from him at this point to be suspect.

Mrpreggers has a sudden realisation. The blue stuff is the Repulsion Gel from Portal 2! He starts bouncing on it like a trampoline, to the delight of 1/3 of the audience who know what Portal 2 is, and confusion and shock to the other 2/3. He picks up a blobfish, throws it at the wall in front of him for it to fly through the air and hit the Banker on the back of the head. "He shoots... HE SCORES!" mrpreggers yells.

Mrpreggers dismounts on the fish guts-laden mattress face to face with an angry fish-flavoured Banker.

"Alright, quit it with the fish and the random blue stuff.

I'm offering you 19,000 credits for a second time. Deal Or No Deal?"

If you No Deal, you will have to pick 3 more boxes before your next offer. The ones you have left are: 7 8 10 20.

[mrpreggers]

no deal going all in.. 7, 8, 10

[Xiz]

Oh my god this is fucking brilliant. GO PREGGERS

[mrpreggers]

random.com fucked me mannnnnnnn ! ! ! ! ! ! !! ! ! !

[cedolad]

if he ends with only x amount of creds can we play again, this time with a 500 word post

if x is only 4 lmao

[top]

PREGGERS, PREGGERS, HE'S OUR MAN!

IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE CAN!

[Zapmeister]

7 - 4 credits

The audience start booing again. "I hate you!" the Banker squeals. "You're going to take out the 2 red ones in the next 2 boxes, or else I'm going to take you down in a game of blue-stuff-trampoline-basketball-blobfish or whatever, and you'll regret it!"

Mrpreggers simply smiles, thinking he's in control of the situation.

He throws a blobfish at the blue stuff again, narrowly missing the Banker on the rebound. "Ha, can't get me," he says.

8 - 100,000 credits

"Yes! YES! YEEEESSSS!" the Banker screams in delight. Mrpreggers is utterly depressed at this point. The whole audience are clapping and cheering.

Over towards the blue stuff, the last drops of blue stuff drip from the ceiling. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge shower of pink ping-pong balls falls from the ceiling. Mrpreggers has no clue what is going on, but the Banker apparently does.

"Hey you know that joke about the kid who kept asking for all those pink ping-pong balls on his birthdays? Yeah, that joke originated from this studio. We invented it," the Banker says. Mrpreggers, who isn't convinced, just tells him to shut up. The Banker throws a blobfish at him and misses again.

10 - 35,000 credits

Mrpreggers's reaction

The Banker starts pointing at mrpreggers and laughing. "YES! Another victory for me! WOOOOOOO!" Unfortunately for him, the floor now has pink ping-pong balls all over it, and he slips on one and crashes to the floor. He gets up in visible pain and takes his anger out by stomping on the ping-pong balls to flatten them, but there are too many.

Mrpreggers is completely speechless.

Your board:


Tay Allyn's "Mass Text" plays over the phone. The Banker picks it up. "YOU IDIOT! Those pink ping-pong balls were supposed to be dropped right over the table where mrpreggers is, so they hit him on the head, NOT over in the far corner with all that random blue gooey thing!"

Pause.

Mrpreggers picks up some pink ping-pong balls and throws them at the Banker in contempt.

"WHAT!!!!?!?!?!?!?" The Banker yells at the phone, ignoring mrpreggers. "HOW DARE Y--! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING!" slams phone down

The Banker is clearly disgusted.

"What happened?"

"They told me that the pink ping-pong balls were from IKEA. They claimed they had to cut costs. They were buy 10000 get 1 free, so they bought 10001. Enough said."

"What!? That's a bargain! At Walmart they're buy 20000 get 1 free."

The Banker's eyes roll up to the ceiling and he throws a ping-pong ball at the floor. It hits a blobfish, rebounds to the blue stuff, off the wall, onto the mattress, off the phone and hits the Banker on the back of the head. He walks around the floor carefully avoiding all the pink ping-pong balls but fails to notice a rake which he steps on and the obvious reaction ensues. He was sure the rake wasn't there a minute ago.

"25 credits. Deal Or No Deal?"

If you No Deal, you get to decide whether to swap your box for box 20 or not.

[mrpreggers]

hey man swap my fucking box

[DarkManticoreX2]

noooooooooooooooooo

[Frank Munoz]

gg preggy
rip

[Riotpolice]

omg preggers get f*cked up the butt big time.

[j-rodd123]

hahah you suck, you played terribly, pick better numbers next time lmao so badddddddddddd

[Zapmeister]

The Banker picks up box 2 from the table, throws it straight on the blue stuff, and it lands on the wing where box 20 is, knocks it off, and box 20 lands on the blue stuff, bounces off it, lands straight on the table and --- falls off.

"Damn!" the Banker says. "So close."

"Smooth," mrpreggers replies.

"So. Obvious outright victory for me! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Of course, we just have to finish the game by revealing what was in box 20..."

The Banker opens box 20 to reveal 50 credits.

The audience all start cheering at mrpreggers, whose reaction is indifferent.

To complete the game, box 2 perfectly positioned on the wing is opened to reveal 10 credits.

"So! Another highly successful Deal Or No Deal show!" the Banker gloats. "Wasn't it?" He grins at mrpreggers again.

Mrpreggers's reaction is to pick up all the ping-pong balls and blobfish and phone and everything and throw them at the Banker and all the audience members. Everyoen takes outrage to this and restrains him. Mrpreggers realises he has no chance over a crowd of 400 audience members, but he still has some success with covering the audience in fish guts.

Unfortunately the Banker shoves the huge cupboard on him. That was the last thing he remembered.

Mrpreggers wakes up, indoors, inside a dumpster. He has cuts and bruises from where the cupboard hit him, but nothing more. He has no idea how he got there, or where it was in relation to the Deal Or No Deal studios. He is covered in ping pong balls, dried-up non-bouncy blue goo, and blobfish guts. A transaction receipt for 50 credits floats down to him from the air. The lights suddenly go out.

The End

[mrpreggers]

kudos to top, dark, and xiz for cheering me on! 10 credits for each!!!!! OMG shenanigans throughout the entire game I want a redo

[Riotpolice]

Beautiful story. Ended perfectly.

[top]

Originally Posted by mrpreggers

kudos to top, dark, and xiz for cheering me on! 10 credits for each!!!!! OMG shenanigans throughout the entire game I want a redo

10 credits yesss!!!!

i'm poor as fuuuuuck so this really helps! you'll be getting a generous donation from me someday mark my words.

[Zapmeister]

well that was fun. i may well do another one in the near future, since i still have enough credits, but for now i've pretty much exhausted my creative writing abilities and need to think of more ideas

well done on the epic crash at the end mrpreggers :P