Black Market Blood

[EpikLow]

This is a story I'm re-writing. I wrote it as "Four Teens and a Gun," but quickly hated that title. I also hate my spelling so please help me out! I just finished my first chapter and I'm putting it on a new site.

http://www.freewebs.com/epiklow/

To get right to reading the story here's the link,
http://www.freewebs.com/epiklow/blackmarketblood.htm

[kitkat9]

Ok well I read it, and it is so far really good. Something I would want to read. Too bad it only has one chapter so far. There are a few spelling errors so take a second look at that, but it is really good.

[tofurox]

300+ reads good job.

[vantilburg]

I'm diggin' it so far. It had its moments - parts that I could relate to, and one that I laughed at. A small suggestion would be when you're switching settings, maybe give it a little bit more detail. Slice of life genre stories always do well with a lot of detail. Also, there are a few spelling/grammatical errors, but not bad enough that I didn't understand what you meant. So, all in all, it's something I would look forward to reading more of.

EDIT: Woah when I was reading it, it showed 10 reads. Refreshing it says 325.

[EpikLow]

Thanks so much you guys! I really appreciate that you checked it out. If you could email me or say on here, which parts have errors that would be great. I'm going to read it over again right now but I just wanted to say thanks first. When I first wrote this story I got a lot of negative feedback (mostly because of my horrible spelling hahaha which I'm trying to learn to fix)
I'm working on chapter two tonight so I'll let you know when it's up.

epik_low@hotmail.com

[kitkat9]

Awesome, a chapter two. I would love to read and critique it. So be sure to let me know when it's finished and online. =)

[tofurox]

Can't wait.

[EpikLow]

Okay. I've distracted myself too much with other things, but I promise I'll try my best to finish chapter two tomorrow! >.<

[kitkat9]

Don't rush! If you rush it will be cheesy and do your best. It will come out when its finished, and completely finished...

[tofurox]

To tell you the truth.... I read-whored lol.

[EpikLow]

Lolz. Well I have this friday off so I can probably write more during that day sometime. I'm almost done chapter two, but I want to re-write some parts. Kitkat, you're right. I shouldn't rush haha.

[kitkat9]

Lol, I know these things. I tried to turn in an essay I did in like, 30 minutes to my English teacher, to say it plainly, she was not impressed. She actually fumed at me, it was rather hilarious if you were to ask me.

[EpikLow]

Okay! Finally I'm done chapter two and it's posted. Let me know if it sucks, or if it's actually good. Any feedback would be awesome haha.

[kitkat9]

Wow, I'm still loving it. This Darla chick makes me want to punch something lol.

Ok this simile really made no sense to me.
"Of course she didn't want Brandon knowing anything and the annoying way he kept asking questions was now getting on her nerves like the thought of eating Kleenex."

I really never thought eating Kleenex would be annoying. I'm positive that you could find something a little bit better.

This is something easily fixed.
"I'm Darla, but I guess you can't really sake hands right now can you?"-shake

[EpikLow]

Thanks! I'm going to fix the sake hands thing up right now, haha and I'm glad you're still liking it. I have no idea why, but when ever I think of chewing Kleenex... omg it's the worst and most annoying thing ever haha, but I can see how not many people would think that so I'll probably change it later.

[kitkat9]

Lol. I understand, it's all cool. Just remeber to think like the reader. And I have many reasons to be liking this story so far. It is well put together, amazing plot, leaves me wanting more, and you've thought it out. Which makes it extremely good.

[EpikLow]

Chapter three is now up. I tried making it as short as possible because I don't really like having long chapters, but since each chapter is basically a different day it's a little hard lolz so, sorry if this chapter is too long. Also I want to thank anyone who is still reading And I hope you are still enjoying my strange story haha. Chapter four will probably be up tomorrow because I'm going to work on it a lot tonight.

[kitkat9]

I haven't replied for a while, but I read the third chapter. It was amazing! I loved it. And in the earlier chapters I was hoping that you would tie the four people together a little more, and you did!
It's really good be sure to let me know when you're done with the fourth one!

[EpikLow]

Thanks so much kitkat! I'm done chapter four, but it's not very exciting haha. The day continues on in the next chapter because I didn't want it to be super long.

[kitkat9]

Oh my god! Talk about bringing the characters together!
One thing, I think you could you a little more description about what happened between Amanda and Brandon. So far I'm still loving it! And once again let me know when the 5th chapter is out. =)