coming out

[iCeCuBEz v2]

I'll use this thread for me as well

I'm bisexual :O.... to a certain degree I guess.. I like women more tho. never got around to telling anyone on the internet before.

I'm a pussy tho I'm never telling anyone in real life taking that shit with me to the grave. So I give u a lot of credit for coming out I certainly can't.

[evanescence_death4ever]

Moches, I don't know you... But it's great that you have come to the point of being able to accept this part of you and start to share. I don't know what it's like to be in this situation, so I can't say I've had any experience with the dilemma concerning your parents.

As I've heard before, "honesty is the best policy." In almost every situation in my life, being honest would have been the best decision. It would have kept me from a lot of bad places. That's all I can say from experience.

Have a great one ^.~

[Tyson ultima]

Obligatory step

[YoshL]

Hi moches! You're pretty much in like, the exact same situation as I am surprisingly. Conservative Korean parents that I don't feel comfortable coming out to, close friends who do know, and don't judge, but are really supportive of me.

About your parents, it's really your choice to come out or not. Like, they grew up in a culture/era/place/whatever that really didn't have much "gay" problems. It's like a really old person trying to understand how a tablet works. Also, if you try taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture, they're not talking bad about gay people because they're trying to hurt you or anything. Their "hate", or "ignorance", or whatever you wish to call it, isn't directed towards you, and if you do choose to come out to them, they might be supportive, they might yell. You really don't know. The thing is, they don't expect it, so their reaction might not exactly be tyhought out, or appropriate. Basically I almost tried, but pretty much got yelled at, probably louder than I've ever heard my parents ever. In my personal experience, I phrased it as "struggling with my sexual identity" and my dad nearly exploded. He thought the best option would be to put me into therapy, or some random stuff that I don't even remember anymore.
In any case, looking back, it wasn't because he didn't want his son to be gay or bi, but just because he cared about like, who i was. And who i was didn't seem to fit with what he thought was "normal". The point is, they might react negatively or positively, but like, hopefully, your parents are just caring deeply for you. nothing else.

But yeah. make sure that you're coming out to people who you know /really care/ about you. Even friends with more conservative views, if they're actually your friends, won't judge.

[kommisar]

move back to 'merica



there is such a thing as a religious homosexual. If you're still very much involved in your faith don't let the general catholics' ideals scare you. The pope doesn't speak for everyone.

[Staiain]

Nice to see you're so open Moches =)


It's really hard to live with something like this without telling anyone so letting it out feels so nice

[DossarLX ODI]

Originally Posted by iCeCuBEz v2

So I give u a lot of credit for coming out I certainly can't.

Sexual orientation has been a big grey area for me and I would not be able to put out something like this.

To moches: it sucks that homosexuals get so much crap because they're a minority. It's good that you're being honest to yourself, but if you are going to tell your parents about this, make sure you do it when you're able to provide for yourself financially etc.

Honestly though sexual orientation isn't really something I care about when it comes to other people. Unless someone is shoving it in my face of course.

[Charu]

You know, I would imagine trying to come out in front of your own folks to be the most mentally challenge thing to ever overcome since there's a HUGE "what if...?" in the air that you can't possibly know about until you do actually tell your folks.

I give you props to testing how everyone else takes it before doing it to your family. It's the first logical step of overcoming the huge one that has that huge unknown.

I'm hoping nothing bad does come out of this if you go through with this.

[smartdude1212]

Originally Posted by DossarLX ODI

Honestly though sexual orientation isn't really something I care about when it comes to other people.

Completely agree. I find it funny that people think they need to know someone's sexual orientation because oh no if you're a straight man asking me if I'm gay because you're worried I might start hitting on you, you better fucking run!!!

People have asked me if I'm gay, and without missing a beat I've responded with, "does it really matter?" When they ask me if I'm straight, I'll respond in a similar but more irritated manner because just let it go already (which at this point just confuses them because they'd likely be expecting a yes, even if it were an act of denial). If that's the be-all end-all type of conversation someone wants to have with me, I'll just walk away. It's that kind of mentality that frustrates me.

But hey, I'm kind of an asshole like that.

Italics.

[adlp]

good luck

[d4u7211]

I think I can safely say I had one of the luckiest, smoothest "coming out" experiences ever. Both my parents actually helped me realize I was gay. I had told them at around 12 that I was bisexual, and about a year and a half later, I had mentioned something about dating a guy, to which they asked, "are you sure you aren't just gay?"
Pretty much determined it right then and there. They didn't want me to be confused, and they wanted me to know they didn't care which way I went.

/digression
Anyway, I knowing nearly nothing from firsthand experience about these kind of coming out to your parents situations, I can say from secondhand that if you truly believe your parents love you, you should let them know, only if you feel like it's begging to come out. I would test the waters first, pose semi-philosophical questions about why it matters what sexuality a person has, what does it affect, etc, maybe talk it out with them and see how firmly they feel about it.

It's up to you what you do, I just want you to be safe man. I have a friend currently going through a similar experience with super catholic parents. He came out to his sister by accident, and she was cool with it...then a few days later she couldnt "hide his sins" so she gave him 1 month to tell them or she would "confess his sins for him," and so far he hasn't told them yet. (its only been about 2 weeks)

[ninjaKIWI]

I don't see why anyone feels such a huge need to tell their parents. I sure never have. It's none of their business.

Originally Posted by smartdude1212

Completely agree. I find it funny that people think they need to know someone's sexual orientation because oh know if you're a straight man asking me if I'm gay because you're worried I might start hitting on you, you better fucking run!!!

People have asked me if I'm gay, and without missing a beat I've responded with, "does it really matter?" When they ask me if I'm straight, I'll respond in a similar but more irritated manner because just let it go already (which at this point just confuses them because they'd likely be expecting a yes, even if it were an act of denial). If that's the be-all end-all type of conversation someone wants to have with me, I'll just walk away. It's that kind of mentality that frustrates me.

But hey, I'm kind of an asshole like that.

Italics.

What if they're asking in case they or a friend are interested in you?

[d4u7211]

Originally Posted by ninjaKIWI

I don't see why anyone feels such a huge need to tell their parents. I sure never have. It's none of their business.

Mainly because it's kinda hurtful to hear them and your family make anti-gay remarks, even if they are joking, when you're sitting there in the middle, butt of the joke, and they don't even know it. It helps you and others grow as people as well, to come to an understanding, and to help your bond as parent/child grow.

Besides, I get fucking SICK of people in my family asking me if i have a girlfriend.

[Callipygian]

Being open about something like this is hard enough, but I imagine being open about it to your parents, especially if you're unsure what to expect, or fear that they may react negatively, is even more difficult. Props for coming out on ffr and good luck on telling your parents. If they love you, they should accept you for who you are. Sadly, even loving parents can have warped views about some things, so I agree with those who have adviced you to fish for some clues first (casually mention something about a local or a celebrity coming out and see how they react etc.). Best of luck to you.

[PrawnSkunk]

Originally Posted by d4u7211

I have a friend currently going through a similar experience with super catholic parents. He came out to his sister by accident, and she was cool with it...then a few days later she couldnt "hide his sins" so she gave him 1 month to tell them or she would "confess his sins for him," and so far he hasn't told them yet. (its only been about 2 weeks)

What the actual fuck?

Does she honestly think that this is even /her/ fucking decision?

That self-entitled tattletale might as well be screaming I'M TELLING!!! And why? So she can cleanse her soul of sin and redeem herself to god by uncovering his "sin"? How incredibly immature.

At this time, your friend needs to seriously talk to his sister, rather than with his parents. At least so that he can openly confront his parents when he is ready, and his sister won't know that she has the power and authority to control him like some puppet.

[qqwref]

I think I'm somewhat typical here when I say this isn't a big deal to me. It's always a pretty brave act to be public about sexual orientation, so congrats on that - but on my end you're still moches, and knowing this doesn't make me think less of you (or more of you). I really hope it goes well when you come out to your parents

[d4u7211]

Originally Posted by PrawnSkunk

What the actual fuck?

Does she honestly think that this is even /her/ fucking decision?

That self-entitled tattletale might as well be screaming I'M TELLING!!! And why? So she can cleanse her soul of sin and redeem herself to god by uncovering his "sin"? How incredibly immature.

At this time, your friend needs to seriously talk to his sister, rather than with his parents. At least so that he can openly confront his parents when he is ready, and his sister won't know that she has the power and authority to control him like some puppet.

Yeah, I know, I'm just as pissed as you are...he tried, though. This happened. (him=blue, her=white)

[Dynam0]

Good on ya man

In terms of coming out to your parents, that's a touch-and-go situation really. You could always use probes to see how they react as people have already mentioned; the nerve-wracking part is that moment where you straight up say it. I'm not personally gay so I can't understand completely, but that sounds like a really hard thing to do.

On a related note, I have a friend who I have thought might be bisexual or gay for quite some time (there's been a number of signs that I don't need to talk about in detail here). My first thought is that I know his sexuality is none of my business but I'm wondering if there is anything a friend can do to go about discussing it in a helpful/supportive way without offending the friend.

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

I do not know you well, but i hope whatever choices you make lead to you being happy.

[PrawnSkunk]

Originally Posted by d4u7211

Yeah, I know, I'm just as pissed as you are...he tried, though. This happened.

She is satisfied because she has blackmail. Counter-blackmail could make some epic Cold War shit.

Maybe he should actually talk to her in person, and use a shit tonne of "I" sentences telling her how much this impacts /his/ life. To tell her that he isn't "trying" to "convince" her, but outright asserting that she is way out of bounds and that he is not ready.

Or the classic last resort, April Fools. dohoho.

Or maybe I'm just living vicariously through your friend because I have never had this situation. (read: parents who outright asked if I was to be one with the gays/let me know that nothing would change, etc.)