"Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic)

Midnighter · 05-25-2009, 11:27 PM

The furious night sky hung over like a charred wood.

Black snow fell from everywhere.

Shrieks and screams corroded the air.

The streets were marinated in blood.

They lined us up

and I waited my turn.

Watching.

Children’s cries begged for mercy

that Nazi laughter forbad.

There was no fun in killing captives,

so they let them run,

fast as they could,

but bullets were faster.

In horror I turned away,

but I didn’t cry.

No one cries for orphans.

This was a poem i wrote for a contest in word history class. I am not jewish and have no affiliations with either parties of the holocaust.

**Go_Oilers_Go** · 05-29-2009, 03:18 AM

Good poem. I liked the dark tone and also how the speaker had a comprehension of the doom that was to befall him/her. So often, children are portrayed as innocent and ignorant in poetry; your poem bears a nice contrast and gives the speaker a mature appeal.

Grandiagod · 05-29-2009, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnighter

This was a poem i wrote for a contest in word history class. I am not jewish and have no affiliations with either parties of the holocaust.

I am not a nazi or a jew.

Really guys.

Midnighter · 05-29-2009, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandiagod

I am not a nazi or a jew.

Really guys.

lol

NyxDust · 06-9-2009, 01:06 PM

Very nice. Everyone's heard of the book Night. The end of the poem reminds me of when Elie decides he can only care and think of himself. Brilliant, poem.

**Eeumi** · 06-13-2009, 10:01 PM

good poem. I was trying to figure out how the tone of the poem would change if instead he didn't turn away while keeping the line "No one cries for orphans." hm.....

Midnighter · 06-14-2009, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eeumi

good poem. I was trying to figure out how the tone of the poem would change if instead he didn't turn away while keeping the line "No one cries for orphans." hm.....

Thats a good point and to be honest i'm not quite sure how it would change. I think even though he didn't cry, he revealed that he still had his humanity by turning away because it's human nature to be horrified at the brutal cold-hearted killing of another human.

**Eeumi** · 06-14-2009, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnighter

Thats a good point and to be honest i'm not quite sure how it would change. I think even though he didn't cry, he revealed that he still had his humanity by turning away because it's human nature to be horrified at the brutal cold-hearted killing of another human.

Haha not in the case of the Hitler and all his Nazi boys.

Midnighter · 06-15-2009, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eeumi

Haha not in the case of the Hitler and all his Nazi boys.

Hitler was... special, to say the least.

RB_IcePh0enix · 07-1-2009, 05:15 PM

This is really good. I especially like the first four lines. It seems liked you picked each word carefully for those lines. The only thing I would suggest is consider changing the word "everywhere" in the second line. It's a bit bland in comparison to the other words, and I feel you could choose a more interesting word.

Besides that one word, I think it's very well written!

**Adamaja456** · 07-1-2009, 05:18 PM

it was alright. feels like just a mediocre poem though. nothing special about it. how did you do in the poetry contest?

Midnighter · 07-19-2009, 10:45 PM

I was one short of getting to the state competition. :-/ oh, well

I agree with wat u were saying "RB IcePh0enix" i should have put a better word there instead of everywhere. To be honest it was also a project for my world history class and it was due the next day. I still like it and thanks for the feedback. That goes to everyone else too.

05-25-2009, 11:27 PM	#1
Midnighter FFR Player Join Date: May 2009 Location: Suwannee, GA Age: 30 Posts: 49	"Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) The furious night sky hung over like a charred wood. Black snow fell from everywhere. Shrieks and screams corroded the air. The streets were marinated in blood. They lined us up and I waited my turn. Watching. Children’s cries begged for mercy that Nazi laughter forbad. There was no fun in killing captives, so they let them run, fast as they could, but bullets were faster. In horror I turned away, but I didn’t cry. No one cries for orphans. This was a poem i wrote for a contest in word history class. I am not jewish and have no affiliations with either parties of the holocaust.

05-29-2009, 03:18 AM	#2
Go_Oilers_Go <<Insert Title Here>> Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Regina, SK, Canada Age: 34 Posts: 1,436	Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) Good poem. I liked the dark tone and also how the speaker had a comprehension of the doom that was to befall him/her. So often, children are portrayed as innocent and ignorant in poetry; your poem bears a nice contrast and gives the speaker a mature appeal.

06-9-2009, 01:06 PM	#5
NyxDust FFR Player Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 6	Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) Very nice. Everyone's heard of the book Night. The end of the poem reminds me of when Elie decides he can only care and think of himself. Brilliant, poem. __________________ Edelweiss.... Edelweiss. Every morning you greet me.

06-13-2009, 10:01 PM	#6
Eeumi FFR Veteran Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 170	Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) good poem. I was trying to figure out how the tone of the poem would change if instead he didn't turn away while keeping the line "No one cries for orphans." hm..... __________________ A woman without her man is nothing. A woman, without her, man is nothing. That's called punctuation people, so use it. AAA's-17 (public) FC's-176 (public)

07-1-2009, 05:15 PM	#10
RB_IcePh0enix FFR Player Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Virginia Age: 30 Posts: 709	Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) This is really good. I especially like the first four lines. It seems liked you picked each word carefully for those lines. The only thing I would suggest is consider changing the word "everywhere" in the second line. It's a bit bland in comparison to the other words, and I feel you could choose a more interesting word. Besides that one word, I think it's very well written!

07-1-2009, 05:18 PM	#11
Adamaja456 Absurd Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: 31 Billion Club, WA Age: 33 Posts: 6,433	Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) it was alright. feels like just a mediocre poem though. nothing special about it. how did you do in the poetry contest? __________________ 582 Tier Points(Tier 3) 602 AAAs(517+23+62) People who bought me subscriptions/tokens: DrugstoreCowboy(1 month) ELRayford(3 months) ~GJampa(3 months) Jerry DB(3 months) 4th place in Gamewhore Competition(3 months) Phynx(FGJ album and Dendrite V2) dragon890x(1 year) Slide(1 year)

07-19-2009, 10:45 PM	#12
Midnighter FFR Player Join Date: May 2009 Location: Suwannee, GA Age: 30 Posts: 49	Re: "Orphans" a holocaust poem (slightly graphic) I was one short of getting to the state competition. :-/ oh, well I agree with wat u were saying "RB IcePh0enix" i should have put a better word there instead of everywhere. To be honest it was also a project for my world history class and it was due the next day. I still like it and thanks for the feedback. That goes to everyone else too.

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