Thinking about suicide

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by choof

also I would ask your psychiatrist to try something that is not an ssri, or an snri

This is literally like pulling teeth from an unwilling person, my experience.

[Rapta]

Originally Posted by Azpb Djbread

Don't do it Man, So many people still care about you.

When I get depressed like I am right now, I lose any feeling of wanting to do anything, go anywhere, or think anything. I just want to sleep and wake up having forgotten the feelings until I eventually remember them again. It's the ones who care who keep pushing me to go get my education and do activities which I have no will to do which ruins the experience which depresses me even more. It's the people who care about me that won't let me just fuck off in my room when I get depressed. I mean my family specifically because everyone else could care less, other than having empathy for a short time, but empathy is only felt when thought of my depression is almost constant and uncontrollable, and if someone actually did genuinely care if I died, they sure didn't want to be around me, or try to help me. In the beginning when I was trying everything I could think of to be happier, I had friends, and one of the things I tried was talking to them in detail about this, when I went to them for help channeling my depression and for advice, they all said they would listen and be there for me but everyone eventually said I need to stop talking to them. Usually it was in the middle of me being depressed and trying to talk to them when they just told me they had enough, so when people said that to me I became more depressed. I was trying to optimistic in the beginning, but I eventually lost all my friends through this. Everyone wants to help but nobody wants to deal with my problems. Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?

[choof]

Originally Posted by Rapta

Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?

the psychologist is "pushing you off to a psychiatrist" because a psychologist does not prescribe medication. psychologists help you determine what it is that's causing depression, how to diagnose you properly, and send you to a psychiatrist when they have a diagnosis. the psychiatrist will determine what medications and therapies will benefit you the greatest.

help is coming.

[Cavernio]

Thinking about suicide is a losing option because as soon as you have that safety net of 'I can end my life whenever I want' you will put up with waaaaaay more BS in your life than you otherwise would have. When suicide is your way out you will stop thinking about other ways out because it is the ultimate way out that is always there. It will lead to a cycle of decisions that will leave you in worse situations in your life leaving you feeling worse making you want to consider suicide more than if you never had truly considered it in the first place.

I just realized this now.

[Izzy]

You can think about suicide as a way to reinforce that it is an option you wouldn't actually want to do. If you seriously considered the pros and cons of such a thing you'd probably realize that the cons are just way too high. It's better than just committing suicide without any serious thought on it.

I don't personally believe there is anything that is entirely off limits to even think about. By thinking about some difficult sensitive issues you can come to some conclusion and possibly become a more mentally stable person.

[Cavernio]

Originally Posted by Izzy

If you seriously considered the pros and cons of such a thing you'd probably realize that the cons are just way too high.

It's a problem when the pros outweight the cons. I just did a full 4x4 pro/con thing about suicide and it just made me more upset for the moment because the decision I want to choose is death.

[Izzy]

Yea, that sounds like an issue. Although there are an infinite amount of pros and cons so it is kind of impossible to quantify anyway. I still think there shouldn't be anything off limits too think about. The truth is always more important than ignorance to me even when it makes you less happy.

I don't really have any actual opinions on whether or not someone should commit suicide. That seems like a deeply personal existential issue that I can't determine for anyone but myself. I know it is the wrong choice for myself, but there is no way for me to make that call for someone else without it being based on my personal experiences.

Unless I'm in endless unfixable extreme "physical" pain I'd rather be alive. I don't care if that ends up being selfish or if it is a burden for people.

[TN_NewLegendofmaxxxxxxxxx]

dude
you put yourself in the hands of other people tooo much. So much that you let the expectations of your parents/social pressures drive you to the point of not being able to deal with the pressures, and that makes you want to escape from them.
Unfortunately, when you have people around you that don't really understand what's going on in your mind, and that seem to prioritize things like school/external shit over caring about your actual internal state, you can't really find escape from that. Not unless you can actually like, leave your house and sit out in a park or like somewhere like that.
IF YOU FIND ESCAPE THROUGH SLEEPING AND "COMFORTS" RATHER THAN FINDING A PLACE OF PEACE TO TRULY FIND WHAT YOU NEED OR WHAT'S HAPPENING, YOU WILL DEVELOP PATHWAYS IN YOUR MIND THAT WILL MAKE YOU AUTOMATICALLY CHOOSE THE "ESCAPE ROUTE". THIS WILL MEAN THAT YOU WILL SPIRAL FURTHER INTO DEPRESSION, and this is what happens to tons of people. They get adjusted to taking the path of least resistance, which is escape through things like sleep, or anything innately pleasurable and isolated, and the act of choosing something purely out of pleasure builds up like a cancer in the mind. It is only through finding places of PEACE AND AWARENESS that you can eradicate this habituated thought pattern. It is this pattern that drives your depression, as it literally prolongs the issues that are making you anxious rather than having you find a way to overcome them.

You have one option: face them, face everything you've been stalling out from or hiding from and be true to yourself as to what YOU WANT RATHER THAN FORCING YOURSELF TO TAKE A PATH OUT OF FEAR OF NOT LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS. Don't let your decisions be made before they feel right, don't let pressure make you make a large move in the wrong direction.

I will tell you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Medicine with "bandage" these issues, but they are much gentler issues than you believe.

The "victim" state of mind is a subconscious, semi-hard-coded way humans have of dealing with fear. It tempts us to become attached to thoughts of self-deprecation, doubt, escape, domination/submission feelings towards those around us, and other things like that. It makes us believe that these ways of thinking are real, but if you examine them, they are no more than a chemical, pleasure feeling that comes from the thought of having protected ourselves from a present fear. This way of thinking can become addicting: it triggers the same "reward" chemicals (dopamine) that meth, some anti-depressants, and other drugs do. Eventually, whenever the fear is felt, this escape will become almost an automatic response, and it will grow in the mind if it is allowed to. We must find peace because this state of mind is hell, and it disallows us to see the result of our actions and how we can affect ourselves and develop into the future. We have to face those things now, or else we will continue to spiral downward. No one around you is controlling you. The initial push seems the hardest, but once you have chosen to stop believing that you are trapped, you can make your own decisions without the threat of others more easily and you will become happy.
You do not need medicine, you don't need a "professional" to tell you what's wrong or give you synthetic chemicals that have long term negative effects of the brain AND hide an issue that is much more easily/healthily resolved through awareness, freedom, and self-love. Eastern culture is far ahead of western ideals on this matter: diseases of the mind can and must be fixed with the mind and spirit, because no medicine can cure a thought pattern, or a lack of awareness to certain things that would otherwise allow us to understand what is truly going on in our heads. If we are to inspire love and creativity, we have to develop love in ourselves and find peace, no matter how harsh the environment around us may seem. Many others have it far, far, far worse, and they can also find this inner peace and achieve higher states of mind. Nothing ever inhibits this, and through achieving higher states of mind, we can rise above our body's dictatorship of us and understand the pain of the body is nothing since we are far more and can achieve much greater things than our primal ancestors we evolved from.


good luck man don't give in to the bullshit of yourself or other people
killing yourself, would the pain really go away?

[MinaciousGrace]

Originally Posted by TN_NewLegendofmaxxxxxxxxx

killing yourself, would the pain really go away?

well strictly from a physiological standpoint, yes

[HeZe]

BUMP

How do you feel now?

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Please keep on living. My mom takes depression medication and it helps her deal with everything a lot better. However, it doesn't make your problems go away. Something else that might help a lot is to find someone to talk to all the time who you think really understands you and helps you feel more comfortable around them. The more you open up to people who listen and who care about you, the better I think you'll feel about yourself and your life. Something that also might help a lot is to find either one person or a group of people who you enjoy playing games with who make you feel a lot more positive and have fun. It's a lot more fun to play games with other people than by yourself, and I think you'll have a much better time with another person or other people who like the same things you do.

Encouragement may also help a lot, so try to find someone who really cares about you and who encourages you and makes you feel a lot better. I hope you keep living because I care about you and I want you to live. I would love to talk with you or play games with you, although I won't be able to talk all the time. If you want to play or just talk, my skype account is drizzleRomanceGirl and my skype name is Rebecca_TMI. Another thing that helps me when I feel depressed is to remember what I used to say and how I used to act. Looking through my own posts or remembering things I used to do made me appreciate myself and my personality more. Just have fun and don't worry about what you are or aren't doing. I think being yourself is enough.

[Xtreme2252]

At one point I wanted to kill myself, but after my mom first attempted it ceased to be an option.

[BrokenKeysEverywhere]

Don't go giving up Rapta, you got mates and people who look up to you on here. You're awesome, and a professional at this game, plus a very good dude to others. I look up to you and all the pros I've heard of and met on here. I'm in the same situation as you at the moment, with my family only forcing me to do what would make them proud (such as being the perfect kid), and friends not really knowing how much mental and emotional pain I'm in, and only being supported by my clueless cat. But I'm living on, because people look up to me, because I've got a dream job (that most people wouldn't like), and mostly because I'm looking forward to new awesome films and novels.
So don't give up. Giving up you're life, because it's painful, is an invalid reason to give it up for, as pain is a part of life. And the purpose of it is to get through and achieve what you want to achieve, don't let family or friends let you down, and look up into the skies, at the bright (and almost blinding) future you really want ahead of you.
So don't stab yourself to death. Because the day something really awesome would have happened might have been tomorrow. Don't lose hope and live on. Have goals, dream some awesome stuff, eat the food you've always wanted to, and walk on.
And hey, there's a lot of people who have posted on this thread giving their support in a sympathetic, empathetic and suggestive way. Even people who don't know you, or what it must feel to be in the same situation as you, are here for you.

From the Spontaneous Happy Dapper (I wish I always were), BrokenKeysEverywhere.
"Don't worry. Be happy." - Bobby McFerrin

[Vares]

Originally Posted by psychoangel691

I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

I've had periods of being suicidal on and off for a long time in my life. The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. I never tell people this straight out because it always turns into "you're just seeking attention." It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen.

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so I ended up hurting myself today, something I swore I'd never do again. Even now I'm just sitting alone, oh well.

So I feel ya Rapta, hopefully whatever's ailing you gets better.

This is really spot on. There are a lot of common responses to suicidal ideation that are actually fairly detrimental when you're on the receiving end of them.

[SpaceGorilla]

Originally Posted by Rapta

When I get depressed like I am right now, I lose any feeling of wanting to do anything, go anywhere, or think anything. I just want to sleep and wake up having forgotten the feelings until I eventually remember them again. It's the ones who care who keep pushing me to go get my education and do activities which I have no will to do which ruins the experience which depresses me even more. It's the people who care about me that won't let me just fuck off in my room when I get depressed. I mean my family specifically because everyone else could care less, other than having empathy for a short time, but empathy is only felt when thought of my depression is almost constant and uncontrollable, and if someone actually did genuinely care if I died, they sure didn't want to be around me, or try to help me. In the beginning when I was trying everything I could think of to be happier, I had friends, and one of the things I tried was talking to them in detail about this, when I went to them for help channeling my depression and for advice, they all said they would listen and be there for me but everyone eventually said I need to stop talking to them. Usually it was in the middle of me being depressed and trying to talk to them when they just told me they had enough, so when people said that to me I became more depressed. I was trying to optimistic in the beginning, but I eventually lost all my friends through this. Everyone wants to help but nobody wants to deal with my problems. Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?

Even within the last year I've had the exact same feelings as you; knowing that when people try to help it really just makes it worse in terms of your depression. It got me down on my schoolwork and social interactivity which is really a bummer but everything is fixable with enough time and effort, so I suggest you just push on and if it helps you keep your mind off of it, avoid talking to other people. Some people don't understand that you just need to keep yourself away from the feelings of depression and all that. I would recommend trying to figure out if there's something that triggers it, which could be anything from remembering someone you lost to just being lonely. I've gotten much better by doing more chores and exercising on a regular basis; you can do the same if you occupy your time with things you love to do.

[xVaLoRx]

Originally Posted by L.B.D.D

play blade and soul
you'll be so busy doing dailies you won't have time for suicide

fuckin lol

[MixMasterLar]

Rapta post and let us know how you are holding up

[Flaming_Dingleberry]

People trying to help someone with depression but just make things worse remind me of Joy from Inside Out. Happiness isn't the opposite of depression, vitality is (that's from a really nice TED talk by Andrew Solomon). People who want to help someone with depression are given the task of helping someone climb a hill that they don't want to climb, that has an indefinite height, and has an unknown number of places to rest along the way. It's not a task that someone can accomplish with their love for you, it's something people need to be trained to be able to do, and people's love for you might actually make it harder for them to help. Sometimes, a psychologist isn't enough, and that's okay; sometimes medication is necessary (your brain could be attacking you, and maybe a pill could just stop it from doing so). Whoever gives up on trying to help you, that's just them not knowing how to help. Maybe they can't handle the situation, or they don't understand how you're feeling, but it's not that they don't care.

[TheRapingDragon]

Relax, guys, he's still alive

[_Zenith_]

Would it be wrong to say that I, especially this past week, have heavily considered suicide/mental hospital just to escape not only life but my fucking family?

It's getting to the point that drastic measures ensures my fucking mental stability.