Me and my GF are together now! But there’s a bit of a problem…

[QueenAshy]

So… I really love my girlfriend, she’s an amazing person to be around (except her being a casual gamer, that part of her can go to hell). She’s been over for a week, and though she’s leaving today, I really will miss her, she’s definitely a pleasure to be around. We’ve mostly been playing Skyrim and Spore (I will return to my regular stream schedule in a bit), but we’ve still been having lots of fun.

There’s just one thing tho… she kinda isn’t very feminine. Like, when I first met her, she was a sissy, but after multiple discussions we’ve had, we can both agree that she’s trans. She’s had very similar thoughts that I had, and I believe that her crossdressing desires, combined with the fact that she wants to be a “lesbian couple” (her own words), is a pretty good indicator. Now, we both could very well be wrong, but for now, I think we can both agree on one thing.

The thing is, she grows facial hair SUPER FAST. Like, she shaved an hour before she came over, by the next day, I was seeing clearly defined hairs. For contrast, I need to shave once every 5 days (on average) before it starts becoming visible to the average person.

I’ve been having a bit of problem with her tho, and it’s a personal one that I can’t seem to shake. I’m having trouble with her appearence. It’s not that I’m bodyshaming or that I don’t like her, just with me being a lesbian and all, it’s really hard for me to date someone that’s so masculine. Like, her figure, body odor, and almost everything else is almost entirely male; with the obvious exception of her personality. I’ve talked to her about this issue, and she is holding off transition till she moves out of her parents’ house. Even though her parents would be more than accepting, she still wants to move for whatever reason. The thing is, I feel like it won’t happen for a long time, we’re both in a similar boat: no college education, little work experience, and lackluster high school grades. She’s applied to over 2000 jobs, and she’s been denied. Compound that with the fact that neither of us have a car, and it makes for a really bad situation.

I don’t know how to handle this appearence problem, it irks me and makes me quite uncomfortable (given my past), and it’s probably not gonna change for a while… I’m not entirely sure how to deal with this, as I’ve never fallen in love in this sort of situation before…

[Mahou]

Move on

[QueenAshy]

Originally Posted by Mahou

Move on

Huh?

[xXOpkillerXx]

Mfw male-to-female pre-op trans dating a male girlfriend identifying as sissy who wants to transition to female in the future has trouble with her girlfriend's masculine appearance.

Seriously, just date a real girl if you can't even be patient enough for your "girlfriend" to transition.

[123kappa3]

If you need someone to change to feel comfortable around them or if you are unwilling to wait till they change so you can be comfortable around them why are you "falling in love with them".

Usually when i see someone who loves someone they love all of them and are usually comfortable around them.

if you do really like this person try to focus on why you like them and not why you dislike them.

[QueenAshy]

Originally Posted by xXOpkillerXx

Mfw male-to-female pre-op trans dating a male girlfriend identifying as sissy who wants to transition to female in the future has trouble with her girlfriend's masculine appearance.

Seriously, just date a real girl if you can't even be patient enough for your "girlfriend" to transition.

“Real girl” is very offensive terminology as it basically states that trans women are not and can never be “real women.” Not to mention that cis female is a much easier descriptor that gets across your point in a much easier way to understand.

Also, “male girlfriend” is an oxymoron.

And it’s not just as easy as “just date a real girl” it takes EFFORT and LUCK to find the right one. I haven’t had a lasting relationship with legitimate love that isn’t based off sex in more than 4 years. And even then, my last relationship didn’t even last that long cause I used to be one of those Nice Guy™️ types who had no social skills.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Sure, I can find a girl on tinder to bang within a week, but it’ll just leave me feeling empty, and likely won’t lead to a relationship.

Something tells me you’ve never been in a relationship before…

[Wayward Vagabond]

Sounds like you can't be in the relationship until she changes how she looks

[Antori]

*snap* this is going in my cringe compilation

[rushyrulz]

let this thread not deter from the fact that

THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD ON A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RHYTHM GAMING

Why are you posting this here? It surely can't be to get serious advice from any kind of expert because, again,

THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD ON A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RHYTHM GAMING

I don't usually pay any mind to these kinds of threads from you, but if people in the past have offered constructive advice/criticism, why not talk to them directly instead of publicly on

A MESSAGE BOARD ON A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RHYTHM GAMING

??

Here I found a place to post this!!! You're welcome, hope you find the help you're looking for.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/

[QueenAshy]

Originally Posted by 123kappa3

If you need someone to change to feel comfortable around them or if you are unwilling to wait till they change so you can be comfortable around them why are you "falling in love with them".

Usually when i see someone who loves someone they love all of them and are usually comfortable around them.

if you do really like this person try to focus on why you like them and not why you dislike them.

No, I do focus on how much I like them, all my conscious mind is fawning over them; just my subconscious abuse victim, lesbian mind is going insane at such a masculine person. I definitely focus on how affectionate they are, how happy they make me, and how they treat me as valuable treasure rather than a disposable cum dump.

It’s really hard for me to get past this, and since I have little family or any sort of therapist I can talk to, it tends to stick in my mind forever and there’s not many places to vent or anything.

I stilll treat her with plenty of respect tho, and I always tend to check up on her and make sure she’s had enough to eat and stuff. We’ve had a great time both times she’s come over, and she tends to stay for over a week every time she comes over.

I don’t know why this has to be so hard for me…

Originally Posted by rushyrulz

let this thread not deter from the fact that

THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD ON A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RHYTHM GAMING

Why are you posting this here? It surely can't be to get serious advice from any kind of expert because, again,

THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD ON A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RHYTHM GAMING

I don't usually pay any mind to these kinds of threads from you, but if people in the past have offered constructive advice/criticism, why not talk to them directly instead of publicly on

A MESSAGE BOARD ON A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RHYTHM GAMING

??

THIS IS A FUCKING GENERAL CHAT BOARD I CAN TALK ABOUT SHIT LIKE THIS HERE. NO NEED TO GO ALL OSU! FORUMS “NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH” STUFF

Originally Posted by Wayward Vagabond

Sounds like you can't be in the relationship until she changes how she looks

I mean, it has been going well so far. Way better than any relationship I’ve ever been in. Especially considering that it started with us banging on a bed in an outdoor bdsm party.

We have quite a bit in common, and it should last way longer than my other relationships at this rate.

Difficult to get past this wall tho…

Originally Posted by Antori

*snap* this is going in my cringe compilation

R.I.P Filthy Frank

Originally Posted by Charu

That being said, if this really is gonna be a problem but you do care, then perhaps you could always pretend their appearance is to your standards until you actually believe it. Y'know, tricking yourself and whatnot.

That is if you really do care for this person. You can mess with people, but mess with their hearts and it's a whole different ball game. The way you worded it in the OP made me think you were considering dropping them.

I guess I could keep trying to push it to the back of my mind. I know there’s a more effective way to deal with it tho, I’m just a bit depressed, so I’m not the exact best to deal with this sort of thing.

But don’t worry, if I ever do have a relationship ending problem, I won’t lead them on. I’ll end it early if something way worse than this arises

Originally Posted by the sun fan

...No she hasn't?

She’s 26, it’s more than possible that it has reached that number over the years. In fact, if she’s applied three times a day since she was 16, she would be WAYYYY over that number.

She has had a job at some point, but she doesn’t have one atm. She once worked at a wash tub (which I presume might’ve closed down, or at least the location near her)

[aperson]

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

THIS IS A FUCKING GENERAL CHAT BOARD I CAN TALK ABOUT SHIT LIKE THIS HERE. NO NEED TO GO ALL OSU! FORUMS “NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH” STUFF

shhhh this is a library

[Gradiant]

"I'm not body shaming but I don't like the way they look"

And listen to Rushy

[Charu]

This thread is probably going to be locked, but I need to say this because wow.

...If your reason of thinking of moving on from a relationship is because of appearance... I'm sorry, but what the heck is wrong with you? That's not a relationship, that's just being incredibly selfish and not respecting them as you should like any relationship is all about.

Like... I'm trying to contain myself here, but what I read made me super angry man...

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

“Real girl” is very offensive terminology as it basically states that trans women are not and can never be “real women.” Not to mention that cis female is a much easier descriptor that gets across your point in a much easier way to understand.

Wow... just wow.

What the fuck is this shit?

[Gradiant]

Originally Posted by Charu

Wow... just wow.

What the fuck is this shit?

The gall someone has to have to bring up 'offensive terminology' when they make a thread about questioning a relationship because of not liking someone's appearance.

Save them the trouble later on by telling them all this shit now. Let them be the one to decide if they still want to be in a relationship with a person that acts this way.

[QueenAshy]

Originally Posted by Charu

This thread is probably going to be locked, but I need to say this because wow.

...If your reason of thinking of moving on from a relationship is because of appearance... I'm sorry, but what the heck is wrong with you? That's not a relationship, that's just being incredibly selfish and not respecting them as you should like any relationship is all about.

Like... I'm trying to contain myself here, but what I read made me super angry man...

Except that I do respect them. We often have long cuddle sessions and play video games together. We went to subway, and when the server misgendered me, she actually corrected them; which was a first for me (not even my parents have done that). We’ve had long chats where we not only gush about liking each other, but we also discuss our interests (which we share a lot of), and we get along perfectly.

I talked to her about this recently, and she said it was “perfectly understandable” for me to feel this way. Love isn’t on hold by any means, and I ain’t gonna treat her like a second class citizen for her looks, but we both acknowledge that - given my past as an abuse/rape victim and my sexuality - it might me a little hard to come to terms with it. People blindly flaming me are not helping me, in fact, they’re making me slightly more pissed off and stressed about the whole thing. Anyone who knows me, will know that a stressed Wolfie is a monster…

[aperson]

We're still coming to grips with new terminology as we get a better societal understanding of sexuality and much like "straight" has connotations that "het" does not "real" has connotations that "cis" does not.

Societally-driven gendered appearances and smell also greatly affect whether we find people desirable or not. Changing hormonal balance can affect both of those, but accepting that that's the case requires accepting that we're just a bunch of fucking animals. Relationships are messy.

[YoshL]

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

I talked to her about this recently, and she said it was “perfectly understandable” for me to feel this way.

People blindly flaming me are not helping me, in fact, they’re making me slightly more pissed off and stressed about the whole thing.

part 1 - if you've already talked to your partner about the issue why are you bringing it up here now acting like you're unsure of how to handle the problem

part 2 - rushy didn't flame you, simply pointed out that you've very constantly been trying to push your personal life into these forums, and that there are much better places to specifically ask for advice regarding your issues. It's been a pattern of you trying to create threads to ask for help regarding xyz when there's some nice alternatives! Your big all caps post in massive font was pretty rude.

[QueenAshy]

Originally Posted by YoshL

part 1 - if you've already talked to your partner about the issue why are you bringing it up here now acting like you're unsure of how to handle the problem

part 2 - rushy didn't flame you, simply pointed out that you've very constantly been trying to push your personal life into these forums, and that there are much better places to specifically ask for advice regarding your issues. It's been a pattern of you trying to create threads to ask for help regarding xyz when there's some nice alternatives! Your big all caps post in massive font was pretty rude.

1) I don’t know, I just want to vent. I feel like an outside unbiased opinion can maybe help me better conceptualize this whole situation. Again, no therapist atm, lack of funds.

2) I wasn’t referring to Rushy specifically with the flaming.

[Charu]

Okay, so if you're saying that, then why on earth are you even lamenting about it and asking for advice? Everyone is going to tell you the same thing. Respect who they are and have them make their own decision regarding how they look. If they want to remain masculine, it should be their call. Or if you can't, then tell them straight and drop the relationship without breaking too much of a heart.

That being said, if this really is gonna be a problem but you do care, then perhaps you could always pretend their appearance is to your standards until you actually believe it. Y'know, tricking yourself and whatnot.

That is if you really do care for this person. You can mess with people, but mess with their hearts and it's a whole different ball game. The way you worded it in the OP made me think you were considering dropping them.

[YoshL]

Originally Posted by QueenAshy

2) I wasn’t referring to Rushy specifically with the flaming.

you were definitely referring to him in your all caps post, given that you directly quoted him.