Sorry for myself

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 01:47 PM

Tgb temp ban. In hospital. Feels bad. I tried to run from the police now things are v bad. Sorry i am here

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 01:51 PM

Not think. Just act. Ver bad ideas

Spenner · 03-9-2017, 02:28 PM

Word's can't say what I mean, but thank fuck mate. Take your time in there and really really focus on your wellbeing.

...How far did you get from the police?

Just kidding. Dark of me to say. But from the sounds of it, you're in better hands now than to be completely alone with your thoughts. So you can post freely from the hospital? That's good man. Keep us updated.

<3

Spenner · 03-9-2017, 02:38 PM

By the way, do NOT feel sorry for yourself. Sometimes we legitimately cannot control our actions, especially under high levels of personal stress and stimulation. I've been there, you know that, so from here on in let's try to better ourselves instead of constantly identifying what's our disabilities. Talking to you is a blast, and I look forward to talking more.

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 02:42 PM

I just got cranular, im not good with phones heh. Thanks bro im trying

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 02:45 PM

On heavy stuff. Just wanted to say thank you canada i will be ok. My body is a bit rough but i am tolerant

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 03:00 PM

Yes a canadian contacted the authorities out of concern. Thanks anonymous. I am in your debt

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 03:02 PM

Feeling not bad. I have been worse. Cheers

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spenner

Keep us updated.

<3

This is why the thread gets bumped, sorry for sharing my personal shit in your digital space.

Well I managed to use my people words and avoided admission, the psych was very switched on too.

Basically I stopped my ssri's, it raised my cortisol to danger levels and I had a nervous breakdown. Went out and got more messed up on bad drugs cause some drugs are fucking evil and I wanted to feel as evil as I felt I was perceived. Aiming to build the courage to take my life again, I wanted it to be louder and messier than ever before so I had a gun, I wanted fatality. But my body shut down and I collapsed in the kitchen, I was woken up by police at 5am, saying they got concerns from Canada. I think seeing them spiked my adrenaline and kept me breathing. So I ran, got caught on an over hanging tree just enough to slow momentum and trip (only a good 400 metres from where I began) and was taken in to be assessed. I was very calm and complacent and convinced them there was nothing wrong even though I was/am hallucinating spiders (holy shit I don't want to talk about it)

So I'm out of hospital, my case manager came and brought me home and I'm feeling stabilized from the IV's.

Sorry for my posts.

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 06:32 PM

oh and I have Lhermitte's sign now, funny how my self destruction was technically effective. Just not in the way I expected it to be.

V-Ormix · 03-9-2017, 07:10 PM

yah nothing ever happens how you imagine - glad you're okay tho get better mang 8u

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by V-Ormix

yah nothing ever happens how you imagine - glad you're okay tho get better mang 8u

I could go on a stray tangent about how NOT OK Lhermitte's is, but I'll refrain~ cause not necessary~
Thanks so much man I really appreciate it u monster frisbee

Lightknight924 · 03-9-2017, 08:34 PM

Hey mourningfall, glad you're still breathing. I actually found your tangents on TGB kinda interesting, in the sense that you were keeping an internal dialogue on the forums for your spiral of binges/mania...but I'm glad you ended up somewhere safe for now. We do care about your well being even if we're trolls on the internet. We're all just people here.

If it's any interest or comfort to you, I had a friend that lost his sense of reason and went off the hinge before when he was going wayyy hard on drugs and meds, combined with his own mental history...together those bad ingredients caused him to freak out and end up in the hospital as well...and afterwards he was also still dealing with shit in his head...but he kept on going and we stayed as good as we could to him, knowing he had demons that were out of his control, ya know? Nowadays he has a good job and he takes some meds but I think things calmed down for him. It could have to do with your age and just biologically where you're at right now, so just take it slow and listen to what's going on inside and keep searching for answers is all I can say. There are some really good doctors out there that dont want to control or manipulate you with meds...so search for that too...but yeah don't give up on yourself, because clearly if you wanted to perceive yourself as "evil as you felt" by going all out on that behavior, then I feel like you're secretly a good dude inside trying to understand what the fuck is happening is all.

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 08:57 PM

Word's can't really describe how comforting that is, I feel great for your friend man, it's good he had people like you in his life and that he found stability within himself, that's very important to have. I hope he's travelling well.

As for me man, I am a justifiable prick. I don't mean to be, but people take very unchill vibes from me when I'm on the internet, so I tend to act unchill just to see how they respond. though these past ~12 days since I returned have been nothing but mania, I felt like I was just trying to source some kind of activity. I don't act pleasant though; if I seem it, I mean it. Thanks for enjoying some of my posts and thanks for your kind words. Truly been an interesting poster throughout my manic drug binges, and I'm a little disappointed I won't get to read what other funny shit you seem to come up with now that I'm banned. But it is what it is. I can't change the past as much as I can influence the future, and I'm just gonna have to deal with having nowhere to scream into the wind. Looks like I'm going pc, cause the rules around me just got a whole lot less lenient.
V was a good authority figure imo, great respect for that guy.

The health will return, though I have early signs of MS, I'm going to order some picamilon because I feel it will help regulate my central nervous system a little better. Hopefully the hypothesis is correct. It's worked as an excellent anxiolytic/muscle relaxant in the past for me, so I think it's time I gave it a go again now that I'm in poor health.

**MixMasterLar** · 03-9-2017, 11:21 PM

Oh wow I didn't realize this was a thing

Glad you're better brohan.

**Mourningfall** · 03-9-2017, 11:26 PM

cheers brotagonist :J

**aperson** · 03-10-2017, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mourningfall

As for me man, I am a justifiable prick. I don't mean to be, but people take very unchill vibes from me when I'm on the internet, so I tend to act unchill just to see how they respond.\

Edginess and irony are two of the most uncool things the internet ever thought was cool.

**Mourningfall** · 03-10-2017, 12:47 AM

I don't try to be either sir. I just act and don't think sometimes. Like that post as an example.

**aperson** · 03-10-2017, 01:00 AM

Irony pollutes your own self perception. I find it especially dangerous when I start tracking high on mania. It's not a "try to" thing, it's a "try not to" thing.

**Mourningfall** · 03-10-2017, 01:05 AM

Understood, okay. Thank you for that insightful belief. I will try my best to remember that.

03-9-2017, 01:47 PM	#1
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Sorry for myself Tgb temp ban. In hospital. Feels bad. I tried to run from the police now things are v bad. Sorry i am here

03-9-2017, 01:51 PM	#2
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself Not think. Just act. Ver bad ideas

03-9-2017, 02:28 PM	#3
Spenner Forum User Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Canada Age: 31 Posts: 2,396	Re: Sorry for myself Word's can't say what I mean, but thank fuck mate. Take your time in there and really really focus on your wellbeing. ...How far did you get from the police? Just kidding. Dark of me to say. But from the sounds of it, you're in better hands now than to be completely alone with your thoughts. So you can post freely from the hospital? That's good man. Keep us updated. <3 __________________ Last edited by Spenner; 03-9-2017 at 02:29 PM..

03-9-2017, 02:38 PM	#4
Spenner Forum User Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Canada Age: 31 Posts: 2,396	Re: Sorry for myself By the way, do NOT feel sorry for yourself. Sometimes we legitimately cannot control our actions, especially under high levels of personal stress and stimulation. I've been there, you know that, so from here on in let's try to better ourselves instead of constantly identifying what's our disabilities. Talking to you is a blast, and I look forward to talking more. __________________

03-9-2017, 02:42 PM	#5
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself I just got cranular, im not good with phones heh. Thanks bro im trying

03-9-2017, 02:45 PM	#6
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself On heavy stuff. Just wanted to say thank you canada i will be ok. My body is a bit rough but i am tolerant

03-9-2017, 03:00 PM	#7
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself Yes a canadian contacted the authorities out of concern. Thanks anonymous. I am in your debt

03-9-2017, 03:02 PM	#8
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself Feeling not bad. I have been worse. Cheers

03-9-2017, 06:32 PM	#10
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself oh and I have Lhermitte's sign now, funny how my self destruction was technically effective. Just not in the way I expected it to be.

03-9-2017, 07:10 PM	#11
V-Ormix Banned Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,677	Re: Sorry for myself yah nothing ever happens how you imagine - glad you're okay tho get better mang 8u

03-9-2017, 08:34 PM	#13
Lightknight924 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: New York Age: 31 Posts: 1,164	Re: Sorry for myself Hey mourningfall, glad you're still breathing. I actually found your tangents on TGB kinda interesting, in the sense that you were keeping an internal dialogue on the forums for your spiral of binges/mania...but I'm glad you ended up somewhere safe for now. We do care about your well being even if we're trolls on the internet. We're all just people here. If it's any interest or comfort to you, I had a friend that lost his sense of reason and went off the hinge before when he was going wayyy hard on drugs and meds, combined with his own mental history...together those bad ingredients caused him to freak out and end up in the hospital as well...and afterwards he was also still dealing with shit in his head...but he kept on going and we stayed as good as we could to him, knowing he had demons that were out of his control, ya know? Nowadays he has a good job and he takes some meds but I think things calmed down for him. It could have to do with your age and just biologically where you're at right now, so just take it slow and listen to what's going on inside and keep searching for answers is all I can say. There are some really good doctors out there that dont want to control or manipulate you with meds...so search for that too...but yeah don't give up on yourself, because clearly if you wanted to perceive yourself as "evil as you felt" by going all out on that behavior, then I feel like you're secretly a good dude inside trying to understand what the fuck is happening is all.

03-9-2017, 08:57 PM	#14
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself Word's can't really describe how comforting that is, I feel great for your friend man, it's good he had people like you in his life and that he found stability within himself, that's very important to have. I hope he's travelling well. As for me man, I am a justifiable prick. I don't mean to be, but people take very unchill vibes from me when I'm on the internet, so I tend to act unchill just to see how they respond. though these past ~12 days since I returned have been nothing but mania, I felt like I was just trying to source some kind of activity. I don't act pleasant though; if I seem it, I mean it. Thanks for enjoying some of my posts and thanks for your kind words. Truly been an interesting poster throughout my manic drug binges, and I'm a little disappointed I won't get to read what other funny shit you seem to come up with now that I'm banned. But it is what it is. I can't change the past as much as I can influence the future, and I'm just gonna have to deal with having nowhere to scream into the wind. Looks like I'm going pc, cause the rules around me just got a whole lot less lenient. V was a good authority figure imo, great respect for that guy. The health will return, though I have early signs of MS, I'm going to order some picamilon because I feel it will help regulate my central nervous system a little better. Hopefully the hypothesis is correct. It's worked as an excellent anxiolytic/muscle relaxant in the past for me, so I think it's time I gave it a go again now that I'm in poor health. Last edited by Mourningfall; 03-9-2017 at 09:02 PM..

03-9-2017, 11:21 PM	#15
MixMasterLar Beach Bum Extraordinaire Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: The Emerald Coast Posts: 5,211	Re: Sorry for myself Oh wow I didn't realize this was a thing Glad you're better brohan. __________________ Facebook / Youtube / Twitter .

03-9-2017, 11:26 PM	#16
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself cheers brotagonist :J

03-10-2017, 12:47 AM	#18
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself I don't try to be either sir. I just act and don't think sometimes. Like that post as an example.

03-10-2017, 01:00 AM	#19
aperson FFR Hall of Fame Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Houston Posts: 3,428	Re: Sorry for myself Irony pollutes your own self perception. I find it especially dangerous when I start tracking high on mania. It's not a "try to" thing, it's a "try not to" thing. __________________

03-10-2017, 01:05 AM	#20
Mourningfall ⇐⇓⇑⇒ Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Paradise Posts: 1,627	Re: Sorry for myself Understood, okay. Thank you for that insightful belief. I will try my best to remember that.

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