04-16-2008, 10:19 AM | #1 |
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Your Dream (Poem)
In the satchel, I held your dreams.
The keys to your happiness. You tried to pull at my seams, But I would not let them go. Your flaxen hair outlining your face, Good tempered with your pale skin, And you begged, love displaced, But I would not let them go. You offered up your family treasure, The gift from both father and mother, To purchase your dreams without measure, But I would not let them go. Because I knew if I took you there, If I let you follow me into the dark, That you would be left robbed of your flare, So I would not let them go. And I ached, how I ached, to learn, Just how you could sell yourself so easily, A beautiful girl, not meant to burn, So I would not let them go. You cried that the bear had left you, Running out in the wonton winter, And why you needed them, now I knew, But I could not let them go. I played the Joker to your regal Queen, And pretended to take on your vices, Your eyes sparkled a verdant green, But I could not let them go. The baby, the cradle, bird and nest, I found you where no other could, Dislike me for knowing you best, So I would not let them go. Some day down the line, you may thank me, Or perhaps you will just forget what I’ve done. I kept you from falling from the tree, Which is why I could not let them go.
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"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! |
04-16-2008, 10:27 AM | #2 |
FFR Player
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Re: Your Dream (Poem)
Very good, I liked it.
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04-16-2008, 10:49 AM | #3 |
Fractals!
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Re: Your Dream (Poem)
It's an interesting device how you ended each stanza the way you did, but my personal taste is more for poems that have a meter, so I can't say I like it that much. Sounds like it's very emotional, though.
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04-16-2008, 10:54 AM | #4 |
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Re: Your Dream (Poem)
It's about a girl trying to score drugs from the narrator, who refuses to sell them to her.
Totally based on a dream I had where I was able to lace THC into Hershey Kisses. EDIT: More in depth breakdown - S1: I have a bag of drugs, but you can't have them. S2: You're much too valuable to waste your life. S3: You offer sex for the drugs, but I'll be strong, even though you're totally smokin' hot. S4: And because I know if you used the drugs, it'd ruin you. S5: I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I robbed the world of you. S6: You ply me by saying your husband has left you, leaving a void. S7: So I cradle you, and offer you sweet nothings while you weep. S8: I find you in a typical state, in a typical place, and it angers you that I sought you out. S9: Maybe one day you'll remember that I saved you. Or maybe you'll forget me and find someone else. DOUBLE EDIT: It's about maintaining strength, no matter the cost. Also, I'm way hopped up on allergy meds right now that are making me super drowsy.
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"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! Last edited by MalReynolds; 04-16-2008 at 10:58 AM.. |
04-18-2008, 08:53 PM | #5 | |
Private Messages, please.
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Re: Your Dream (Poem)
I knew, it being a Mal story, that there was some deep meaning before I even opened the thread. I was ready to try and find that meaning by the end of the poem, but had no success.
After that breakdown, Mal, I re-read the poem and it made perfect sense. Despite the scheme in which you wrote it, it delivered the message and left a lasting impact on the reader. Heh, I thought it was actually about a man holding on to dreams, possibly someone restless at night. Nice poem, Mal, I really liked it. -o24
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