Old 04-16-2008, 10:19 AM   #1
MalReynolds
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Default Your Dream (Poem)

In the satchel, I held your dreams.
The keys to your happiness.
You tried to pull at my seams,
But I would not let them go.

Your flaxen hair outlining your face,
Good tempered with your pale skin,
And you begged, love displaced,
But I would not let them go.

You offered up your family treasure,
The gift from both father and mother,
To purchase your dreams without measure,
But I would not let them go.

Because I knew if I took you there,
If I let you follow me into the dark,
That you would be left robbed of your flare,
So I would not let them go.

And I ached, how I ached, to learn,
Just how you could sell yourself so easily,
A beautiful girl, not meant to burn,
So I would not let them go.

You cried that the bear had left you,
Running out in the wonton winter,
And why you needed them, now I knew,
But I could not let them go.

I played the Joker to your regal Queen,
And pretended to take on your vices,
Your eyes sparkled a verdant green,
But I could not let them go.

The baby, the cradle, bird and nest,
I found you where no other could,
Dislike me for knowing you best,
So I would not let them go.

Some day down the line, you may thank me,
Or perhaps you will just forget what I’ve done.
I kept you from falling from the tree,
Which is why I could not let them go.
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Old 04-16-2008, 10:27 AM   #2
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Default Re: Your Dream (Poem)

Very good, I liked it.
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Old 04-16-2008, 10:49 AM   #3
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Default Re: Your Dream (Poem)

It's an interesting device how you ended each stanza the way you did, but my personal taste is more for poems that have a meter, so I can't say I like it that much. Sounds like it's very emotional, though.
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Old 04-16-2008, 10:54 AM   #4
MalReynolds
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Default Re: Your Dream (Poem)

It's about a girl trying to score drugs from the narrator, who refuses to sell them to her.

Totally based on a dream I had where I was able to lace THC into Hershey Kisses.

EDIT:

More in depth breakdown -

S1: I have a bag of drugs, but you can't have them.
S2: You're much too valuable to waste your life.
S3: You offer sex for the drugs, but I'll be strong, even though you're totally smokin' hot.
S4: And because I know if you used the drugs, it'd ruin you.
S5: I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I robbed the world of you.
S6: You ply me by saying your husband has left you, leaving a void.
S7: So I cradle you, and offer you sweet nothings while you weep.
S8: I find you in a typical state, in a typical place, and it angers you that I sought you out.
S9: Maybe one day you'll remember that I saved you. Or maybe you'll forget me and find someone else.

DOUBLE EDIT:

It's about maintaining strength, no matter the cost. Also, I'm way hopped up on allergy meds right now that are making me super drowsy.
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"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


My new novel:

Maledictions: The Offering.

Now in Paperback!

Last edited by MalReynolds; 04-16-2008 at 10:58 AM..
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Old 04-18-2008, 08:53 PM   #5
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Default Re: Your Dream (Poem)

I knew, it being a Mal story, that there was some deep meaning before I even opened the thread. I was ready to try and find that meaning by the end of the poem, but had no success.

After that breakdown, Mal, I re-read the poem and it made perfect sense. Despite the scheme in which you wrote it, it delivered the message and left a lasting impact on the reader. Heh, I thought it was actually about a man holding on to dreams, possibly someone restless at night. Nice poem, Mal, I really liked it.

-o24
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