sad moment among district 2

linebro · 12-7-2013, 09:26 PM

Toxophillis = blue
mr_candy = red
linebro = purple
RARAWR = orange
madsen = grey
nolimits = green

====================

Mr_candy was hanging out with Toxophillis as usual. They were very close friends.

"so... how are we going to stop the madman... Madsen" asked toxophillis.
mr_candy says"I don't know but that son of a bitch will get what's coming for him... he killed RNGRX... RNGRX... I think we need to make a truce with line...". At that exact moment an arrow protruded from Mr_candy's mouth.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET ASSHOLE!!!! YOU KILLED COOLGUY, ANDY THE ACE AND DEIDARA..." linebro yells. As linebro dissappeared into the shadows, he left swiftly and undetected, Toxophillis tried to catch him as RARAWR wondered "What happened?".

"Linebro KILLED Mr_candy!!!!" toxophillis explained. linebro emerges from the shadows and says"I had to...".

As Toxopillis ran at linebro with dagger in hand RARAWR held her back, then toxophillis asks "What the fuck are you doing?".

RARAWR later says"stop it... we need him to stop the wrath of madsen" Toxophillis started crying like there was nothing to live for. with tears flowing down her face she asks "Why man... why? I thought you two were cool". linebro later reveals"We were never cool, We always had our feuds... After the deaths of RNGRX and DEIDRA I couldn't see him alive anymore. Not after ...".

" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!". Everyone comes to see what the screaming was. RARAWR asks " what's the matter?". The group emerges from the bushes...

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MADSEN!!!! HE WILL PAY FOR KILLING MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!! nolimits shouts angrily. As nolimits was yelling, linebro has developed a very disappointed face and says "It was me". A mysterious figure pops out of the bushes and knocks the group out...

Later a mysterious voice commands quietly "wake up... victims" . RARAWR wakes up in a weird cement room to the sight of nolimits strapped to a chair with a covered mouth. RARAWR Later yells "LET HIM GO MADSEN!!!!!". Madsen then pulls out nolimits' index fingernail as slowly as manageable. the screaming has awoken the rest of the group. It is then when linebro tries to run to madsen when they discover they were shackled with strong rope... just then a hot iron emerges from a furnace. Madsen then proceeds burning nolimits' leg with the iron. Screams are expressed with great pain. Linebro used the chairs' edge to cut away from the ropes. Madsen then pepper sprays linebro "OWWW!!!! SON OF A BITCH".

The rest of the group starts to slowly rip the ropes with their chairs... Linebro doesn't stop and madsen proceeds hitting linebro with the hot iron... Just then linebro dodges the iron and it burns the rope. Linebro right hooks madsen square in the face then goes for another blow when madsen dodges and flees the angry combatant. Linebro runs back into the torture room, unbinds all of the others and grabs his crossbow. " Come back you son of a bitch!" yells linebro as he runs. As linebro exits the door to the building and the others follow him they sees a gun pointed at linebro...

Next part will release upon the top 3 being figured out.

what do you think will happen? who are you rooting for

please respond... this is my first "fan fiction"-ey thing

hope you liked it

**hi19hi19** · 12-7-2013, 09:58 PM

This is pretty unbearably hard to read

Paragraphs, spacing, indentation. Makes it a lot cleaner than rainbow colors
I know this isn't the Literature forum and you're just trying to make a funny, but like, I can't even really follow it with this format.

my 2c

linebro · 12-7-2013, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hi19hi19

This is pretty unbearably hard to read

Paragraphs, spacing, indentation. Makes it a lot cleaner than rainbow colors
I know this isn't the Literature forum and you're just trying to make a funny, but like, I can't even really follow it with this format.

my 2c

that's fine. I was trying to write an Idea.. I'll make it better with "said linebro" and indentation a bit later... Sorry about that. I thought I was being innovative

**Netjet!** · 12-7-2013, 10:46 PM

Definitely like the concept, but your formatting, punctuation and grammar need a lot of work. Keep going!

**Deidara837** · 12-8-2013, 01:38 AM

After the formatting the story's pretty good, yeah

+1

**hi19hi19** · 12-8-2013, 01:46 AM

A little formatting goes a long way.

Not sure what you're going for here, if you want legitimate writing critique I can give it.
If not, it's a funny little story about D2, glad the top of the division is enjoying the competition! Apparently you guys have a pretty brutal final lined up... you've been warned!

12-7-2013, 09:26 PM	#1
linebro FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 168	sad moment among district 2 Toxophillis = blue mr_candy = red linebro = purple RARAWR = orange madsen = grey nolimits = green ==================== Mr_candy was hanging out with Toxophillis as usual. They were very close friends. "so... how are we going to stop the madman... Madsen" asked toxophillis. mr_candy says"I don't know but that son of a bitch will get what's coming for him... he killed RNGRX... RNGRX... I think we need to make a truce with line...". At that exact moment an arrow protruded from Mr_candy's mouth. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET ASSHOLE!!!! YOU KILLED COOLGUY, ANDY THE ACE AND DEIDARA..." linebro yells. As linebro dissappeared into the shadows, he left swiftly and undetected, Toxophillis tried to catch him as RARAWR wondered "What happened?". "Linebro KILLED Mr_candy!!!!" toxophillis explained. linebro emerges from the shadows and says"I had to...". As Toxopillis ran at linebro with dagger in hand RARAWR held her back, then toxophillis asks "What the fuck are you doing?". RARAWR later says"stop it... we need him to stop the wrath of madsen" Toxophillis started crying like there was nothing to live for. with tears flowing down her face she asks "Why man... why? I thought you two were cool". linebro later reveals"We were never cool, We always had our feuds... After the deaths of RNGRX and DEIDRA I couldn't see him alive anymore. Not after ...". " AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!". Everyone comes to see what the screaming was. RARAWR asks " what's the matter?". The group emerges from the bushes... "WHERE THE FUCK IS MADSEN!!!! HE WILL PAY FOR KILLING MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!! nolimits shouts angrily. As nolimits was yelling, linebro has developed a very disappointed face and says "It was me". A mysterious figure pops out of the bushes and knocks the group out... Later a mysterious voice commands quietly "wake up... victims" . RARAWR wakes up in a weird cement room to the sight of nolimits strapped to a chair with a covered mouth. RARAWR Later yells "LET HIM GO MADSEN!!!!!". Madsen then pulls out nolimits' index fingernail as slowly as manageable. the screaming has awoken the rest of the group. It is then when linebro tries to run to madsen when they discover they were shackled with strong rope... just then a hot iron emerges from a furnace. Madsen then proceeds burning nolimits' leg with the iron. Screams are expressed with great pain. Linebro used the chairs' edge to cut away from the ropes. Madsen then pepper sprays linebro "OWWW!!!! SON OF A BITCH". The rest of the group starts to slowly rip the ropes with their chairs... Linebro doesn't stop and madsen proceeds hitting linebro with the hot iron... Just then linebro dodges the iron and it burns the rope. Linebro right hooks madsen square in the face then goes for another blow when madsen dodges and flees the angry combatant. Linebro runs back into the torture room, unbinds all of the others and grabs his crossbow. " Come back you son of a bitch!" yells linebro as he runs. As linebro exits the door to the building and the others follow him they sees a gun pointed at linebro... Next part will release upon the top 3 being figured out. what do you think will happen? who are you rooting for please respond... this is my first "fan fiction"-ey thing hope you liked it __________________ Hi FFR. am back Last edited by linebro; 12-7-2013 at 10:32 PM..

12-7-2013, 09:58 PM	#2
hi19hi19 lol happy Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: DESTINY Age: 33 Posts: 12,193	Re: sad moment among district 2 This is pretty unbearably hard to read Paragraphs, spacing, indentation. Makes it a lot cleaner than rainbow colors I know this isn't the Literature forum and you're just trying to make a funny, but like, I can't even really follow it with this format. my 2c __________________

12-7-2013, 10:46 PM	#4
Netjet! Sic itur ad astra Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Ottawa, Canada Age: 30 Posts: 4,700	Re: sad moment among district 2 Definitely like the concept, but your formatting, punctuation and grammar need a lot of work. Keep going! __________________ RIP Steve Van Ness <3

12-8-2013, 01:38 AM	#5
Deidara837 For a New Beginning Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New York, United States Age: 28 Posts: 1,752	Re: sad moment among district 2 After the formatting the story's pretty good, yeah +1

12-8-2013, 01:46 AM	#6
hi19hi19 lol happy Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: DESTINY Age: 33 Posts: 12,193	Re: sad moment among district 2 A little formatting goes a long way. Not sure what you're going for here, if you want legitimate writing critique I can give it. If not, it's a funny little story about D2, glad the top of the division is enjoying the competition! Apparently you guys have a pretty brutal final lined up... you've been warned! __________________

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