Untitled

**aperson** · 10-23-2008, 11:03 AM

Wake up.
You've been dead since you were born
like a fancy rock with sensors and emotions
if you are kicked off of a hill you will roll

You've been dead since you were born
that's okay
because in death is life
in death is an infinite expanse of
data

And the data come in waves
and the waves come in waves
and the waves swell into swells
until you are distracted
drifting aimlessly in a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas

But don't open your eye
Not the eye that senses the world
The eye that senses the eye

Because then the waves turn into waves
And there's nothing to distract you

In death is only death

Close your eye
Go back to sleep.

rzr · 10-23-2008, 12:40 PM

What's your motive to writing this?

MalReynolds · 10-23-2008, 12:54 PM

The only part I found really, really clever is reading the line about getting distracted, and then you put a line where it's very easy to get distracted by it right after.

It's not as good as the one you posted like... two years ago, or something, but it's good. Better than most of the stuff on here anyway.

EDIT: And your concept of a fourth eye has me slightly confused. So it's the eye that senses the eye that acts as a gate to our inner realms. Which is an odd concept.

DOUBLE EDIT: I find the specialized knowledge one must have to understand your poems to be highly off-putting to the actual, genuine enjoyment of such pieces. Too esoteric for my liking, but well written.

**aperson** · 10-23-2008, 04:18 PM

To the edit: The eye I'm referring to is just the third eye, the gate of consciousness, whatever it may be, in our brain. It's the ultimate area of association that takes input from our physical eyes (and our ears, etc...), but it has the odd property of being able to see itself.

**dore** · 10-23-2008, 04:23 PM

hahaha I like it... it's so true.

**aperson** · 10-23-2008, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dore

hahaha I like it... it's so true.

The truth of that makes you laugh?

I envy you

**dore** · 10-23-2008, 06:49 PM

I laugh because there's nothing I can do about it.

**MooMoo_Cowfreak** · 10-23-2008, 11:37 PM

For some reason this reminded me of the song at the end of Portal.

Necros140606 · 10-30-2008, 03:03 AM

this is the kind of composition i like the most. it's a shame that i couldn't understand it completely, but if this is meant to be an allegory of life, and the distractions are our made-up reasons to live, then good. i'm on the same boat.

kailure · 10-30-2008, 05:39 AM

Necros

10-23-2008, 11:03 AM	#1
aperson FFR Hall of Fame Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Houston Posts: 3,428	Untitled Wake up. You've been dead since you were born like a fancy rock with sensors and emotions if you are kicked off of a hill you will roll You've been dead since you were born that's okay because in death is life in death is an infinite expanse of data And the data come in waves and the waves come in waves and the waves swell into swells until you are distracted drifting aimlessly in a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas a sea of seas But don't open your eye Not the eye that senses the world The eye that senses the eye Because then the waves turn into waves And there's nothing to distract you In death is only death Close your eye Go back to sleep.

10-23-2008, 12:54 PM	#3
MalReynolds CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: A Denny's Bathroom. Age: 36 Posts: 6,571	Re: Untitled The only part I found really, really clever is reading the line about getting distracted, and then you put a line where it's very easy to get distracted by it right after. It's not as good as the one you posted like... two years ago, or something, but it's good. Better than most of the stuff on here anyway. EDIT: And your concept of a fourth eye has me slightly confused. So it's the eye that senses the eye that acts as a gate to our inner realms. Which is an odd concept. DOUBLE EDIT: I find the specialized knowledge one must have to understand your poems to be highly off-putting to the actual, genuine enjoyment of such pieces. Too esoteric for my liking, but well written. __________________ "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! Last edited by MalReynolds; 10-23-2008 at 01:00 PM..

10-23-2008, 04:18 PM	#4
aperson FFR Hall of Fame Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Houston Posts: 3,428	Re: Untitled To the edit: The eye I'm referring to is just the third eye, the gate of consciousness, whatever it may be, in our brain. It's the ultimate area of association that takes input from our physical eyes (and our ears, etc...), but it has the odd property of being able to see itself.

10-23-2008, 04:23 PM	#5
dore caveman pornstar Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: ridin on a unicorn Age: 33 Posts: 6,317	Re: Untitled hahaha I like it... it's so true. __________________ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IREnpHco9mw

10-23-2008, 06:49 PM	#7
dore caveman pornstar Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: ridin on a unicorn Age: 33 Posts: 6,317	Re: Untitled I laugh because there's nothing I can do about it. __________________ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IREnpHco9mw

10-30-2008, 03:03 AM	#9
Necros140606 FFR Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Italy Age: 35 Posts: 1,088	Re: Untitled this is the kind of composition i like the most. it's a shame that i couldn't understand it completely, but if this is meant to be an allegory of life, and the distractions are our made-up reasons to live, then good. i'm on the same boat. __________________

10-30-2008, 05:39 AM	#10
kailure bzzt Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: NJ Posts: 228	Re: Untitled Necros

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