Zapmeister presents: Deal Or No Deal

[Zapmeister]

i got bored

so the first person to post exactly 100 words about why they should be a contestant on this show will get the chance to play deal or no deal for up to 250000 credits

i'm only actually going to run your post through a word counter so it doesn't matter if it actually describes your ambition to win 250000 credits or if it's nonsense gibberish, but it has to be exactly 100 words you're not supposed to know that

the board and gameplay and everything will be based on the uk version because that's where i live. i changed the lowest amounts because you can't have fractions of a credit. so there are 22 boxes, your box is chosen at random, five before the first offer and three boxes afterwards, and the audience members are obnoxiously annoying, and you get really low offers

here's a hasty mspaint diagram of your board


(by the way, i'm only doing this once because i don't have enough credits for two games)

[Coolboyrulez0]

no deal

[mrpreggers]

I want to win 250000 credits because I gave away all of mine and I wanna play secret songs again I guess. Asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg.

[mrpreggers]

Originally Posted by mrpreggers

i want to win 250000 credits because i gave away all of mine and i wanna play secret songs again i guess. Asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg.

good enough

[SK8R43]

Originally Posted by mrpreggers

I want to win 250000 credits because I gave away all of mine and I wanna play secret songs again I guess. Asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg asdfg.

GG thats only 99 words XD 250000 isnt a word hehehe

[Zapmeister]

(nah, numbers count as words :P)

Mrpreggers wakes up in a dark room. Carefully and slowly, he surveys his surroundings. He clears the dust in the air above him. He has absolutely no memory of how he got to where he was, or what had happened in the past few hours. He didn't even remember falling asleep in the first place. What had he been doing that could possibly have caused him to land in this predicament? He had absolutely no idea. The only thing that was going on in his mind right now was that if there was anyone watching him, documenting his confused thoughts and movements, they would have to be written in a cliché-laden cheesy style like the beginning of a crappy novel. Oh wait... Damn it.

Slowly the room fills with light. Slightly haunting music plays in the background. Because the editor thought too much suspense was a complete waste of time, he cut out all of that.

"WELCOME TO DEAL OR NO DEAL!!" a voice behind him screams. He turns around. A very un-scary version of the Grim Reaper appears behind him. "Who... the hell are you?" he murmurs.

"I am THE BANKER from Deal Or No Deal. Remember that contract you had to lock yourself in a desolate underground bunker miles away from civilisation just for a chance to win a bunch of ffr credits? Well yeah, this is what you're doing, and why you're here."

Mrpreggers remembered nothing, except that he had earlier expressed a desire to win some ffr credits for the chance to play a bunch of secret songs again, he guessed. He had no recollection of anything else - all his other thoughts were washed away in a flurry of ASDFG's. He had no idea what asdfg was. Maybe it was an acronym for some ffr song? Whatever, he had more pressing issues to worry about, like why he was staring at the Banker and not the gameshow host.

"But surely it's the host, Noel Edmonds, who's supposed to be hosting this, not The Banker?"

"Oh what, that annoying douchebag who hasn't a clue how this game operates? Nah. We got rid of him. Yeah, stuff has changed since recently. We've programmed the audience members to also behave like The Banker. They will want you to NOT win anything. They will laugh at you every time a red vanishes from the board. They will make you uncomfortable in every way you can think of! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! And don't even think of trying to celebrate when you open a blue... we've got that covered."

mrpreggers is speechless, but he didn't seem to be discomforted by 400 unscary bankers all giggling right at him in the background.

"Oh yeah, you know how you have to pick a box at random for the show right? Yeah, we have to do that first. Go to http://www.random.org/ and choose, at random, a number between 1 and 22. That will be YOUR BOX, which will very obviously contain a single digit number of credits in it."

[YoshL]

move to game threads? lol

[mrpreggers]

hooray

[Zapmeister]

"So before we start, would you please confirm that you chose box 2 at random before the show."

"I did."

"It is sealed by the independent adjudicator who seals all the boxes and is the only one who knows where the money... I mean credits... are. Oh, and in a strange twist, I AM THIS INDEPENDENT ADJUDICATOR GUY! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Quiet laughter echoes from behind mrpreggers. "I know EXACTLY where all the credits are, and I will be able to use this information to mess with your feeble mind!"

"You don't scare me, you know. It's just a silly little game where I open random boxes and win 25000 credits at the end. Just cut it out and move on," mrpreggers simply responds.

"Well we'll see who's laughing at the end when you end up crashing and winning like 1 credit or something," The Banker grins at him. "Oh, and I have another secret weapon at my disposal."

"What?"

The Banker leaves the studio room briefly and returns 10 seconds later dragging a shoddily built cupboard with a large IKEA sticker on it on a wheeled trolley. "Open this if you dare."

Mrpreggers opens the cupboard to reveal nothing inside and also that the cupboard has a huge hole in the bottom, making storage impossible, and defeating the whole point of a cupboard.

"There's nothing here except for a massive hole in the---"

"Oh damn it, wrong cupboard. You see, since we had to cut back our budget, things have gone just a little bit haywire. I mean, if I had my way I'd never ever let anything from IKEA come within a mile of me."

"Well then why does the phone have an IKEA label on it?"

"Oh shut up." The Banker turns to the door and shouts "GET ME THE PROPER CUPBOARD YOU RETARDS!" and turns back to mrpreggers. "Ignore that," he says. "Just pick five boxes before your first offer. Any five numbers from 1-22 except your own box 2."

[mrpreggers]

14, 5, 4, 9, 19

[HalfStep]

I hope you fuckin lose

[YoshL]

fuccen IKEA

[Zapmeister]

14 - 250 credits

"Damn it," the Banker murmurs. "You're supposed to take out the ones on the right side of the board, you know, the red ones! Keep going."

5 - 750 credits

"No, no, not those ones, you're supposed to take out the big numbers."

"Oh just shut up, I'm here to win 250000 credits and ignore all these silly little mind games of you and all 400 clones of you in the audience."

"They're not clones they're my fans!" the Banker retorts angrily. "If only I could get my cupboard here any minute now you'll have reason to fear me."

4 - 75,000 credits

The whole audience start cheering. "Yay!" the Banker says. "More like that one please." The Banker is casually leaning on the round table, with what mrpreggers notices is the widest grin he has ever seen.

9 - 3 credits

"Screw you!" the Banker says. Mrpreggers observes the Banker's enormous grin transform into an evil stare in precisely 0.3 seconds or 9 frames of ffr. The audience members start groaning.

19 - 15,000 credits

The Banker says nothing but simply sticks his tongue out and casually claps a few times.

Your board:


"Beh-ding ding ding ding dididing ding bing bing pscht,
Dorhrm bom bom bedom bem bom bedom bom bum ba ba bom bom,
Bouuuuum bom bom bedahm, Bom be barbedarm bedabedabedabeda
Bbrrrrrimm bbrrrrramm bbbrrrrrrrrraammmmm ddddddraammm,
Bah bah baah baah ba wheeeeeee-eeeee-eeeee!"

The suddenness of the noise disturbs mrpreggers more than when he realises what the noise actually is. The Banker picks up the phone.

"Ok this is getting ridiculous," the Banker snarls into the phone. "I know we've had to cut back on budget but having a Crazy Frog ringtone as the show's main musical theme is just completely unacceptable."

"I was just about to say that," mrpreggers mentions.

"Quiet, you." The Banker turns back to the phone. "Get the producers to sort this out." Pause. "No you can't keep going on like this." Pause. "JUST DO IT!" Pause. The Banker slams down the phone in anger.

"But if you're The Banker, who's making the offers then? Is it you, or is it the guy on the other end of the line?"

"Oh yeah, a common mistake to make. It's actually me who's making the offers, and they're not received down the phone anymore."

"Well then what's the point of the phone? Surely it wouldn't make any difference?"

"Of course it would make a difference! It's not like... well, Come Dine With Me where there was that time they replaced all the butter with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and it made no real noticeable changes."

"That doesn't even make sense. And I CAN tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

"No you can't, Mr Preggers, no-one can!"

"Well... sor - ry." Mrpreggers is completely unsure of what the Banker was doing. But from the look of things, so was he.

"7,500 credits. Deal Or No Deal?"

If you No Deal, you will have to pick 3 more boxes before your next offer. The ones you have left are: 1 3 6 7 8 10 11 12 13 15 16 17 18 20 21 22.

[mrpreggers]

well shit no deal 1, 11, 22

[Zapmeister]

1 - 5 credits

"Boo!" The Banker and all the audience start booing mrpreggers. He feels the need to point out that when you get boos on the velocity engine they're dark red, and not blue. The Banker says he'll point that out to the other guy on the end of the line when he next calls.

11 - 10,000 credits

The disappearance of a mid-board amount seems to convince neither mrpreggers nor the Banker nor the audience, who stand around in an uneasy silence. Mrpreggers notices that the Banker isn't trying to freak him out so much.

22 - 20,000 credits

The Banker tries to contain a slow evil guttural laugh under his breath, but mrpreggers notices, and retorts with a slow sarcastic "har, har, har, har" until the Banker tries to engage in a staring contest with mrpreggers, who quickly backs down.

Your board:


"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you do--" The Banker quicly picks the phone up. "Listen," he shouts, "I've had it with your shitty phone ringtones. Stop doing whatever you think is making you look funny, because it's not. Just quit it."

Pause.

"What?" Pause. "No, I'm on Deal Or No Deal here. I don't have time for ---" Pause. "No, I'm not interested in your car insurance." Pause. Mrpreggers is even more confused. "I SAID NO! AND I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR HOME INSURANCE OR YOUR PET INSURANCE OR YOUR TOILET PAPER INSURANCE! STOP TRYING TO SELL ME STUFF!"

Pause. "Oh and you know FFR, right? Tell them to make the onscreen text for a 'Boo' blue because that's what we all say when we see a blue amount. What, you don't know what FFR is? How dare you! Ignorant scum." slams phone down

"Who is that guy?" mrpreggers asks.

"Don't you wish you knew," the Banker replies with another grin.

"Well I don't really, if all he ever does is pump out stupid ringtones and tries to sell you insurance."

"Oh. Yeah, fair enough." The Banker actually looks like he's slightly worried that he may be losing the battle of mind games, and acts cautiously.

"I'm raising your offer. 14,000 credits. Deal Or No Deal?"

If you No Deal, you will have to pick 3 more boxes before your next offer. The ones you have left are: 3 6 7 8 10 12 13 15 16 17 18 20 21.

edit: yay 100th post

[mrpreggers]

oh i never picked numbers no deal lul 17, 21, 6 gratz on 100 posts

[YoshL]

lol preggers, he's just fast on the update

[top]

go mr p!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Zapmeister]

17 - 100 credits

The Banker groans. Mrpreggers thinks he's in control of the board and The Banker's mind games. He lets out a THBBPPPT sound with his tongue. The Banker says "You know, that cupboard is going to get here any time."

21 - 50,000 credits

The audience start cheering and clapping. Mrpreggers groans. What has disturbed him more than the disappearance of a high amount is that in the far corner of his eye he's noticed a glint of an extremely large cupboard on a trolley.

6 - 2 credits

Mrpreggers is simultaneously relieved and starts giggling to himself while the Banker says nothing and wheels over to the side door to pull the cupboard out.

Your board:


It appears to be an old vintage cupboard like the sort that sells for thousands on Antiques Roadshow or whatever, and it is absolutely enormous. "Go on," the Banker says while doing another one of his grins. "I dare you to open it."

Mrpreggers, who feels that he is in control of the game despite the board being sort of volatile, looks more confident than he actually is. He walks over to the cupboard and pulls the door open forcefully.

An enormous red boxing glove hits mrpreggers right in the face, and chest, and arms, because it's enormous. He falls backwards but he isn't hurt because he lands on a mattress that he is certain wasn't there five seconds ago.

While he tries to get up, he notices that there is a spring loaded mechanism inside the cupboard that is now throwing blobfish straight at him one at a time. Some are alive and some are dead. The audience are wildly cheering for mrpreggers as if he was performing in a circus or something. Circus music plays from the speakers overhead. Mrpreggers removes some of the squirming blobfish from around him and throws them in the air.

Mrpreggers is now somewhat dismayed that he is covered in dead blobfish guts and stuff. He picks up the blobfish - still being ejected from the cupboard - and tries launching them at The Banker. He misses. Meanwhile the Banker picks up the phone, attached to the cord and everything, and flees from him. Over the raucous audience cheers mrpreggers can't hear a thing as he's cleaning blobfish from himself and the floor.

When this has all died down, The Banker stares at him firmly in an "I'll get you if you throw one of those at me" stare, and says:

"19,000 credits. Deal Or No Deal?"

If you No Deal, you will have to pick 3 more boxes before your next offer. The ones you have left are: 3 7 8 10 12 13 15 16 18 20.

[mrpreggers]

these are fucking disgusting zap..


no deal: 3, 13, 18

thanks top <3