My depersonalization over the last year

[Spenner]

Originally Posted by top

it really is an incense that was turned into a synthetic drug because people like to act retarded sometimes idk why they just do.

It's technically an incense, if you count the fact that it's material that's been sprayed with something with smoke that will ~change the mood~. The fact that dried papery stuff sprayed with chemicals is called incense, makes cigarettes sound like they need to be called incense cylinders.

Anyhoo, the chemicals added to these were added intentionally because of their similarity in effects to THC. I've even had salvia that was sprayed with synthetic cannabinoids that had been seen to cause really intense dissociation, but it did not fool me.

[krunkykai22]

Mr. Smitty:

You and I have had countless conversations over the phone regarding this. But, I will summarize everything there here as well for your personal support.

First, spice isn't something that is going to be banned completely for a long time. I used to work on a farm that produced and sold Black Lotus and Black Lotus Elite. I can find the article online about the farm and how it was shut down for processing the substance, but never banning the substance. The reason is because of the chemicals that are used within the incense itself. Some of the chemicals are linked to household cleaning items, and if they ban the chemical, they ban the cleaning product.

It's a long vicious circle that the Federal Government has been in with this Herbal Incense/Spice conundrum, but I highly doubt, with the recent states legalizing legitimate Marijuana, that they will ban Spice as well.

Also, it's amazing that you want to rehabilitate yourself. That is always the hardest step to take. Going to an inpatient facility is also another step up. You have no choice in there but to go through your withdrawl. They will help you a lot more then just a cold turkey or slow down on your own time. But, you NEED to have the mentality to do it.

I did a lot of drugs man. It's the main reason why I went from a 3.95 GPA guy with scholarships to colleges for sports and academics to where I am at today. I threw everything away for personal family issues and drugs. It sucks. But, man, one day I threw it all out of my head and sought help, and did it on my own. Cold turkey everything, but it was a bitch. You are doing it a much safer and better way, and you MUST (can't stress that enough) MUST stick to this man.

Not for nothing dude, but you also should let me know of the place you will sign yourself into, because all places allow visitors (at least around me and up north) and visiting people that are going through what you are is almost necessary. It would put you in good spirits. So you need to let me know so I can come visit.

Also, when you get out, remember what I told you. Vitamins, exercise, keep motivated, keep busy. Remember that man. And make sure you eat a lot. You need to get your body back to the healthy state.

Keep your head up brother. You got the digits so call me whenever you want anytime. We're all proud of you for taking this step, just follow through, and you'll achieve whatever you want.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

It IS technically an incense, but when i went to burn it, the chemicals did not permeate. You can seriously order huge batches of these test chemicals from china, but after testing and lab reports, nothing. Up and down results, solvents that didnt fully dissipate, turpentine , acetone, nail polish remover, gasoline. Even chemicals combining with other chemicals to form new mixtures never before seen by doctors.

[JurseyRider734]

good luck with your recovery, smitty. i really hope things work out for you. addiction is really rough and i'm glad you are seeking help for this.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

I just.. i really appreciate this everyone. I know that i can kick this in due time. It's nice to have ones that care about you. I have done horrible things in the last year and i want to make it better. I even went to the chapel at the hospital yesterday... because i feared in my moment of psychosis that i was going to die and i did not want to be alone.
For me to get past this, will be another chance at life. My heart is kinda beatin fast :/

I guess i should mention i'm kind of seeing a 31 year old woman, who is a commander in the army, that knows about my addiction, who is my nextdoor neighbor and has a 5 year old son. She treats me like gold and i also feel that she will be a strong point for me making it out alive. She is pregnant by me, we don't know what to do yet.

[SCWolf]

The easiest way to rid yourself of this kind of thing, is to disconnect yourself from the entire lifestyle itself. Might not sound fun, but addiction is a real problem. Ridding yourself of an addiction is a lifestyle change. It's never easy, but it's worth it in the end.

I dated a girl who was addicted to cocaine. In order to rid herself of the addiction, she disconnected herself from everyone and everything that had anything to do with drugs. It took her some time, but she tackled it. Nowadays, she's no longer doing drugs or even smoking cigarettes for that matter. She's happier than ever. Things can get better, you just really have to be serious about it. Finding something to occupy yourself is probably the easiest way to help yourself.

Life is short, cherish it. Good luck on the rehab. Take it seriously and don't take your eyes off of your goal. Not for a second.

[MarioNintendo]

You can do it, man. And whatever life throws at you, don't wonder about if an event will be the end of everything or not. Keep fighting until you hear the bell ring. And talk to people when you feel alone, like you just did.

[Dynam0]

I'm glad you're getting help, that feels like an awful way to live. Good luck getting through, it's gonna be tough but you'll feel better about yourself in the future for doing it. I think it would be a good idea to do follow-up counseling for relapse prevention of some kind too; you might think you've completely recovered but your brain will be subconsciously preparing itself for a relapse at any time, best not to take any chances.

Wish you all the best!

[evanescence_death4ever]

Dear Smitty:

It's been quite a while since we've talked, and I had no idea any of this was happening to you. Although I wish things like this never happened, and wish things could just get better automatically, I understand that it's not something you can wish away. It's wonderful to hear that you are getting help. It's never too late to get help. I wish you the best in your recovery.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Good morning everyone and thank you for the advice and kind words. i am having violent withdrawals right now i just woke up and i really want to use. The fact i can go downstairs and drive to high tyde easily and get some is pissing me off to no end. I really want to hurt someone there and i am worrying i might do just that

[devonin]

In all seriousness, you should change your avatar and your profile background. Even that reminder of things is going to make it harder for you.

Hang in there buddy.

[DossarLX ODI]

Originally Posted by XXXsmittyXXX

Good morning everyone and thank you for the advice and kind words. i am having violent withdrawals right now i just woke up and i really want to use. The fact i can go downstairs and drive to high tyde easily and get some is pissing me off to no end. I really want to hurt someone there and i am worrying i might do just that

Going to what devonin said, change your avatar and profile background and keep yourself occupied on something else. One of the worst things to do in this kind of situation is to not be focused on something else besides thoughts from the drug addiction. And, of course, good luck on dealing with the withdrawals.

Also, question about testing for jobs: Don't they do hair tests now? Urine tests were said to be easier to fool, but if the synthetic marijuana you mentioned has all these adverse effects wouldn't the hair testing catch it?

[devonin]

I imagine that they can find chemicals, but if those chemicals aren't on the list of "Chemicals you aren't allowed to have in your body" they can't really do anything to you because of it.

[Mollocephalus]

Hey smitty, your story touched me very much. I am usually really abrasive against people who do drugs, drink, or smoke (which all count as drugs by the way) but i very much respect your will to make a change and get back on your feet after coming so close to dig your own grave. Listen up, stick to the people who want you to get better, people who care about you and are there to support you trough this, and remove everyone else from your life. Ask for help, it will definitely be given to you by the right people. Fight the drug, go through widthrawal and then work on fixing the part of yourself which craves for drugs and put you in this situation in the first place.

Best of everything, i really mean it.

[Ohaider]

damn mann,
don't give up

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Thank you devonin that was a long time coming actually to change my stuff. Dossar about the testing for the substance, i believe i have heard that recently the military is developing a 'spice' drug test, as well as marines. I feel bad for marines on synthetic drugs as well because you're not allowed to do drugs at all, zero tolerance policy, left to face your addiction without telling a soul or you're no longer employed.
Thank you as well for your kind words mollocephalus. I did not even consider quitting this drug 6 months ago, so it definitely was my decision to finally fight this. Little update, breathing has been really shallow all day, with weird pressures in my head and in my ears. I can fill buckets with sweat from the palms of my hands alone, and i have showered 4 times because i'm just so uncomfortable right now.
Might go play sum wii with my gfs kid and try to stop thinking so much. I'm not going to the store.

[popsicle_3000]

wow...
just wow...

congrats on the little one cooking, maybe it can be something you fixate on and drives you to succeed.
IDK what to say other than I'm rooting for you!

[Litodude]

There's been a test for k2 since '10. my entire squadron in Biloxi had to take it. Only 5 people were caught, surprisingly


Also it sounds like u have the flu

[Spenner]

Something to consider taking is a nootropic.

The reason I bring that up is because in times like this, it's helped me stay attached, less depersonalized. It's a neuroprotective supplement that improves memory/cognition and whatnot.

While on noopept (there's a bunch of different kinds of nootropics but all of them are pretty similar in that they are neuroprotective and can help memory impairment and keeping your brain stabilized) sometimes I did not even feel high, while trying to smoke on it. That tells me it might be something that could help normalize you and probably help getting you to feel more driven. Mental heirarchy is a big thing that can be a hurtful impairment, it's also helped me push away thoughts that should GO away when asked to (compulsions, emotional snowballing triggers, etc).

My 2c~ it's helped me quite a lot. It's on ebay if you feel the need to check it out. PM me if you want advice for this sort of thing.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Originally Posted by Litodude

There's been a test for k2 since '10. my entire squadron in Biloxi had to take it. Only 5 people were caught, surprisingly


Also it sounds like u have the flu

Well because the research chemicals are fluctuating so rapidly and being changed by the week now due to laws, average common drug tests can't really be produced if there isn't a constant to study. I'm sure they could produce a rapid one in the service though, sorry to hear about those 5 people. I don't have the flu, i actually wish i had the flu and no addiction at this moment. Spenner i will be seeing a specialist to get to the bottom of the ways i am feeling about my depersonalization.
As for not feeling high on it sometimes, yeah, that was me recently. I am very frightened that my life feels as though it's not my own anymore. Still clean for right now.... but i want to abuse