My depersonalization over the last year

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Hello. A lot of you know me or know of me and a lot of you do not. That doesn't matter because i am in a time of crisis and it is time for a change. A lot of you could prob tell i used to love marijuana, ranting and raving about it, yeah that's so stupid hahaha wow. Anyway, about a year ago, i stopped smoking weed so i could pick up a manufacturing job at a great company.
Job was given and i was well on my way to being a production work cell operator which is a job that i felt was perfect for me because i had been studying machines and assembly for a long time prior. I may have stopped smoking weed but i started smoking herbal incense, or spice / K2. The last year of my life has been complete shit because of this drug. I now have high blood pressure, kidneys that don't like to work properly, i'm emaciated and pale, and my blood vessels are constricted due to poisoning from this synthetic drug.
I worked for some time and eventually just could not go on, because i was very sick inside. My girlfriend was living with me at the time, zgf1 yeah yeah, and we were just consuming toxic amounts of it unknowingly and i think that sent us into a tangent but i do not blame her for a thing she is still awesome and she was not effected like i am now, i became extremely addicted, and she watched it happen. It started with me thinking it was literally a synthetic form of thc, but i was very wrong, i would never have ingested that or offered it to anyone. After doing a lot of looking around, trips to multiple hospitals for testing, and talking to police officers and government officials about it, i have found that it's a controlled substance.
It's the equivalent of meth or heroine and it has such adverse effects on the human body that doctors and physicians are becoming frustrated over the matter. I can tell you that because i stumped about 13 doctors yesterday at mary immaculate. Recently the local Bonsai pipe and tobacco shop was shut down for selling herbal incense and bath salts, the owner was a friend of mine and he is now digging himself out of a nightmare as well. They seized millions from him, this was a 2 minute walk from my front door, literally.
Currently in gloucester county VA (15 minute drive) they are selling new blends of herbal incense at High Tyde and theyre killing people left and right. Here are some of the names for sick pleasure 'DR Feel Good' 'F'd up!' 'Kotton mouth' 'Vatos locos' 'Burning angel' 'Death Grip' 'Brainfreeze' 'demon child' 'Hysteria' 'Kenny's Resurrection' 'Burned out' 'you're number one' 'Anonymous' 'black lotus' 'black lotus elite' 'green goddess' 'rotten egg' 'Liberty' the list goes on and on and on. When i go to the store, the lines are 70 customers long, no one speaks a word to each other, and everyone asks 'what's your best seller for the week'. It says not for human consumption on the package and lists no website or manufacturers of the herbal product, and the employees say 'remember this is not for human consumption' and they wink at you and tell you to be careful as you are leaving.
They sleep in the store by the drink machine so they can stay open 24 hours to sell spice to thousands of people a day. They have an alarm installed that triggers when cars / customers pull up to the store after 3 am. This is fucking sickening to me. I'm so sick lately that i can't even enjoy my days anymore.
This is where i mention depersonalization. This drug has sucked the life out of me and i really hate to wake up now. I have a hard time coping with my days now and every move i make or thought in my head makes me anxious when i'm not on the drug, everything feels like a lie now and i kind of just wish i could go back to my normal self or just stop living. I can't complain to the store owners because you get kicked out for 72 hours if you mention consuming the product. So i started going to hospitals for knowledge.

Has anyone else heard of herbal incense or Spice? It's swept through every state now and the chemists are constantly changing the compounds so it can stay legal in your state. I want more insight from others. I have seen every documentary and read every blog on herbal incense and synthetic drugs and i'm disgusted, i want to know more.

Going to detox and rehabilitate myself at an in patient facility very soon as i qualified for a bed due to addiction and depression. Herbal incense is a huge problem in most areas on the east coast still and the headshops will not stop selling synthetic drugs despite cops taking patrol, new laws, and knowing people are kicking the curb. I will probably shit a brick at the toxicity reports during initial detox as my doctor could not provide one. she didn't know i was hallucinating and on the verge of a psychotic meltdown in her office as i waited. Wish luck and do research and don't do synthetic drugs i'll be back in due time. I made this image of a known herbal incense dealer. I thought it would be one of those "yeah that drug is probably bad" kind of photos to look at. Seeya! i want to get better, i didn't mean for this at all, there is a brighter side

[ilikexd]

why did you decide to start smoking spice?

[Ohaider]

Originally Posted by ilikexd

why did you decide to start smoking spice?

pretty much my thoughts haha

must you smoke something


glad to see you making an effort towards recovery though

[XXXsmittyXXX]

I started smoking spice because i wanted to remain high while i got into a new job. Herbal incense has no drug testing available. I'm sick. This is not the point.

[samurai7694]

get back to me on info about the detox asap

you got my number and my skype so feel free to hit me up when you need someone to talk to. stay strong bro

[lumphoboextreme]

lol I remember our intense battle for overall rank 1.

On topic though... I had a friend that went down the same path, only he still is going further down it and using pretty much half of the hard drugs out there. Not sure why the government turned a blind eye to this K2/incense stuff for so long. Or how it is legal over weed for that matter lol. You can literally buy the stuff at some local gas stations. Good luck with your detox though, hope you can get healthy.

[top]

spice is disgustin dawg

[ffr212]

Good luck, my addiction about a year ago began with spice that they re-labled as potpurri, had a picture of popeye on it and was super cheap. I was lucky enough to quit before it really grabbed hold. At the time still living with my parents I stopped when I went to school one day had an enormous panic attack and threw up all over a locker :/ That stuff is fucking stupid, it was a extremely sluggish high and made my blood pressure rise higher than ever. I really, really hope you make it through your detox and are able to deal with the fucking awful withdrawals that stuff puts you through.

[top]

shoulda educated yourself beforehand on that shit. sucks to be you now man. get well.

[ilikexd]

Originally Posted by XXXsmittyXXX

I started smoking spice because i wanted to remain high while i got into a new job. Herbal incense has no drug testing available. I'm sick. This is not the point.

Did you know about its effects before you started smoking it?

[NeonSM]

I have never heard of this before, but I hope that you can stay strong in the face of your problem. It is really shitty to see people taking advantage of others like this, makes me wonder how some people can sleep at night. I don't know what it is like to be addicted to a drug, but I could only imagine how scary it must be. You seem like you really want to make a change though, and the mind can be a really strong asset in situations like these. You're in my thoughts and prayers dude.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Originally Posted by ffr212

Good luck, my addiction about a year ago began with spice that they re-labled as potpurri, had a picture of popeye on it and was super cheap. I was lucky enough to quit before it really grabbed hold. At the time still living with my parents I stopped when I went to school one day had an enormous panic attack and threw up all over a locker :/ That stuff is fucking stupid, it was a extremely sluggish high and made my blood pressure rise higher than ever. I really, really hope you make it through your detox and are able to deal with the fucking awful withdrawals that stuff puts you through.

Thank you so much. Yeah potpourri, they also label it as that. They tell you to burn it in a sachet burner with sage oil to make your bedroom smell good, but that's a lie. One hit and youre having a heart attack / tripping. Sorry to hear about your experience with spice i am not looking forward to withdrawals and i worry about relapsing later down the line. and to ilikexd, i did not know about the health effects prior, as bonsai pipe and tobacco did not disclaim what was in it, i just know they all smoked it and loved selling it.

[adlp]

best of luck man, get well

also if you need Jesus send me a PM

[top]

how is burning it in the intended way a lie????
smoking it is what hurts your fuckin lungs man not usin it like you're supposed to in the NON-HURTFUL way

[BethanyBangs]

That sounds so horrible :< I hope that you recover and get well soon~ Keep yourself healthy Smitty you know better. You have my full support love you lots

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Originally Posted by adlp

best of luck man, get well

also if you need Jesus send me a PM

Thank you.

top, they tell you that's it's intended purpose but it's a lie, okay? It is a synthetic drug to be smoked, not to be burned in an incense burner.

[top]

i know what spice is dawg. it really is an incense that was turned into a synthetic drug because people like to act retarded sometimes idk why they just do.

smoked it like 3 times, puked once and was done. shit's stupid and you can tell the second you take your first hit. it's so disgusting.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Maybe you should say 'was' an incense because i tried to burn these blends in a sachet and they did not scent a single thing in my home. It has changed. Yeah first hit, 10 seconds go by, and you regret it.

[top]

damn straight tho! dunno how you did it man

[Spenner]

Don't other cannabinoids show up in a drug test as well? I think certain ones if they're chemically similar enough to THC it could potentially...

Anyhow, it is good for you to stop. Sometimes a sort of Stockholm syndrome happens with a drug that can leave you strung out and anxious. It's making it worse by continuing it's use, yet you perceive it to be something that can help/maintain it. After you stop, you'll probably have to just take a lot of time off from altering your state, getting yourself in a more mindful position.

Not all synthetic cannabinoids are bad, but some ESPECIALLY perpetuate depersonalization, which is a breeding ground for long lasting panic attacks (because there's nothing that you can hold onto sorta, you're too detached with your rationale).

It's shitty that companies will exploit the legal grey area at any cost. There are more research chemicals out there than ever before.

If it were legal to do so you could buy a strain of weed that has almost 0% THC and very high CBD levels and that might overtime reverse some of the general anxiety and dissociative effects.

In the meantime, find songs that keep you feeling grounded, and also find songs that will help you let go, and just let the depersonalization really consume you for a bit just to let things vent. Prevention is the biggest thing really. Overtime you will learn (if you pay attention enough) certain ideas/thoughts/responses can trigger you to begin falling out of it.

That's if you have a similar depersonalization disorder as I do, or at least symptoms of it. Anyhow goodluck, live n learn.