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Lightknight924 · 12-7-2005, 01:32 PM

So I should break sentences out more for easy reading instead of cluttering them into paragraphs? Like the way Mal breaks apart the character talking? I really can't ask my teacher right now for proper sentence structuring because we're doing a huge unit on Poetry, then straight to the studying for the 8th grade NYS Exams.

I'd be more than happy to be tought proper storylining. If anyones willing to teach me. :\

I'll pretty much sum it up for you if you couldn't understand it because of the cluttering. Basically, Tass is the emporer of an empire known as Tassakin. Tps is the general of Tass's army. The two countries known as Tassakin & Charidan are at war. More will be explained about that in Chapter 2: The Mystery In The Mountains. That is, if you think I should continue. Tps has to deliver a message from the emporer to Aperson in the BahamutMountains. Aperson is directed to summon the DarkSpookys. You'll also find more about them soon if I should continue. As for the sentence structuring. Please teach me the correct way unless this example is good enough. Example:

The army cried a roar that shook the skies.

"Pace it to them! Attack for what they have done!" demanded Eyoshi.

The army let out a Rah! and charged forth the beaches of Tassakin. The clouds began to thunder as the Chardirans plowed through the waves and onto the rough heavy sand. Already the fort fired out brakons as the arrows from the arcers on the fort walls followed them. The sand flew towrds the sky when the brakons hit them knocking down soldiers that passed it. Brakon explosions ran down the beach and towards the ships.

"Look out!" a bystander on the ship screamed as a brakon smashed onto the boat and destroyed the back end.

"Head for the walls! Head for the fort walls!"

"Mines general Eyoshi! The fort is surely to be surronded with-"

Already before the soldier could finish soldiers exploded into the air. The sand was painted red with their blood. The swords of the brave Tassakins pointed towrads the beaches as general Tps and his army charged the beaches to end the battle and hold their strong point of Fort Mr.Giggles.

How is that? Should I continue with the story?

12-7-2005, 01:32 PM	#5
Lightknight924 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: New York Age: 31 Posts: 1,164	RE: Flasion So I should break sentences out more for easy reading instead of cluttering them into paragraphs? Like the way Mal breaks apart the character talking? I really can't ask my teacher right now for proper sentence structuring because we're doing a huge unit on Poetry, then straight to the studying for the 8th grade NYS Exams. I'd be more than happy to be tought proper storylining. If anyones willing to teach me. :\ I'll pretty much sum it up for you if you couldn't understand it because of the cluttering. Basically, Tass is the emporer of an empire known as Tassakin. Tps is the general of Tass's army. The two countries known as Tassakin & Charidan are at war. More will be explained about that in Chapter 2: The Mystery In The Mountains. That is, if you think I should continue. Tps has to deliver a message from the emporer to Aperson in the BahamutMountains. Aperson is directed to summon the DarkSpookys. You'll also find more about them soon if I should continue. As for the sentence structuring. Please teach me the correct way unless this example is good enough. Example: The army cried a roar that shook the skies. "Pace it to them! Attack for what they have done!" demanded Eyoshi. The army let out a Rah! and charged forth the beaches of Tassakin. The clouds began to thunder as the Chardirans plowed through the waves and onto the rough heavy sand. Already the fort fired out brakons as the arrows from the arcers on the fort walls followed them. The sand flew towrds the sky when the brakons hit them knocking down soldiers that passed it. Brakon explosions ran down the beach and towards the ships. "Look out!" a bystander on the ship screamed as a brakon smashed onto the boat and destroyed the back end. "Head for the walls! Head for the fort walls!" "Mines general Eyoshi! The fort is surely to be surronded with-" Already before the soldier could finish soldiers exploded into the air. The sand was painted red with their blood. The swords of the brave Tassakins pointed towrads the beaches as general Tps and his army charged the beaches to end the battle and hold their strong point of Fort Mr.Giggles. How is that? Should I continue with the story?