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kitkat9 · 04-9-2009, 11:49 PM

Very nice. I really like it. And I'm sorry about your grandfather.

You had a simple typo-"And next to me, and empy seat." An

There is one line that I feel does not fit and that is, "So I can fly with you."
I think it would sound much better like,
So I can fly away with you

Your brother doesn't have to take it to heart it's his poem, but I think it would flow a little bit better. Overall it is very good.

04-9-2009, 11:49 PM	#2
kitkat9 FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: San Antonio ~!(210)!~ Age: 29 Posts: 87	Re: poem my brother wrote Very nice. I really like it. And I'm sorry about your grandfather. You had a simple typo-"And next to me, and empy seat." An There is one line that I feel does not fit and that is, "So I can fly with you." I think it would sound much better like, So I can fly away with you Your brother doesn't have to take it to heart it's his poem, but I think it would flow a little bit better. Overall it is very good.