[Zyxel]

Hey all, Zyxel here. I have a question for anyone who engages with creative stuff like writing/art/music/etc. (pretty much asking anyone that has some sort of creative outlet.) A lot of this thread is just me complaining, so if you want to skip down to the question at the bottom, I've underlined it

I like to make things, ranging from video/photo/music but I keep having a problem- I have a really difficult time being proud of or enjoying anything I make. I hesitate to bring all of this up because its all negative and I'd rather try and navigate it all on my own; but I am at my wits end. Put it simply, I strongly dislike almost everything I make. It becomes much easier when I'm making something for the sake of someone other than myself, but in isolation it becomes so hard to validate any of my own work and be at peace.

Most recent example (and catalyst for this thread) is a song I'm working on where I feel like everything is going wrong. But that's the thing right there; every song I make ends up going horrendously wrong and I end up forcing myself to compromise and accept mediocrity. I tell myself "It's okay, we can use it as a learning experience and move forward from this. Let's try again, and do our best- mistakes are okay", but its almost as if I am a harbinger of failure and never make meaningful progress. I have many years worth of experience in each of my creative outlets and still learning, however, the process of refining my work over the span of the past several years without seeing or feeling any sort of payoff or fulfillment makes me feel like I'm just creatively-absent and incapable of constructing something I can look at and feel proud of. The difference between my older work vs now is like the old one is a turd and my newer stuff is like a polished turd. They're both turds! It's so frustrating! Everything I make is so dull and boring!!

Additionally; I think a big problem for me is the feedback loop (or lack thereof) for my music side of things. Even though I've been doing music for about 8 years*, and started trying to actually improve at it for the past 4, I haven't made many connections or friends with musically-inclined people who're also trying to improve their craft. Sure, I have made acquaintances along the way, but I don't talk to any of them (let alone about music). All of the progress I've made has been solo and self learning. [Last part I feel like I should mention: I have no intentions of trying to turn my creative work into a career, I simply create for the sake of creating.]

Sorry if this is a pretty negative thread, this has just been weighing down on me a tiny bit and so I was wondering: for those of you who are creatively inclined and engage in making stuff, how do you do it? How do you improve in a meaningful way? Or on the flip side, how do you grapple with these feelings of inadequacy and imperfection?

Any additional insight is also appreciated, whether or not it pertains to the original question(s). Thank you for reading!