[Charu]

One of the most overused terms when it comes down to dating is "the friend zone." It's amazing how many people get stuck in that mysterious zone. I'm going to share a story with you that got me out of the friend zone permanently.

When I was in my 20s, I was always putting women into the friend zone. These women who were great, cool and sexy — but they weren't perfect for me. I was this guy who was constantly running around, trying to find the most perfect woman that I could. I thought she existed. I knew she had to.

I was living in Manhattan, and I was having a blast. I'd constantly meet great women, fool around with them a little bit but then think to myself, “Nah, they're not perfect. They're not exactly what I want.” And I'd throw them in the friend zone. And after doing this for years, I had a database of amazing women that I was “friends” with.

When you do certain things to people, you tend to get it back yourself. Call it karma or the Golden Rule — it exists! So one day, I met the most amazing looking woman in the entire world. Her name was Anna. When she was walking toward me, she was like a vision.

I can remember the day vividly. I was in Riverside Park. She was with her dog. I had my wiffle ball bat — I was a big wiffle ball player in my 20s in New York City — and my dog as well. The minute I saw her, I immediately went into fantasy zone. I thought she was the most perfect woman in the entire world. I'd never seen a woman so beautiful.
I approached her, but when I was talking to her, I was nervous. I wasn't myself. I wasn't this cocky, confident guy. I was this really nervous, watered-down version of myself. I didn't want to screw up. So I remember we talked for a little bit, and then finally, I looked at her, and I said, “Well, you know, our dogs seem to like each other. Maybe we should hang out for our dogs’ sake.”

She looked at me with this strange kind of look, kind of cocked her head to the side, almost the same way a dog would, and she said, “Sure. Why not?” So we exchanged phone numbers, and I called her up a couple of days later.

We met in the park, and we took a long walk and the dogs played, and I talked, and I didn't make any moves on her at all. When she smiled at me, I kind of looked down, because I didn't know what she was thinking. I was in my head so much. I was wondering, “Does she like me? Is she attracted to me? Does that smile mean that she's attracted to me? Should I hold her hand? Should I touch her shoulder? Should I go in for the kiss?” After all these years of throwing women into the friend zone and looking for the “perfect woman,” here I was standing in front of her, and I didn't even know what to do! I was ridiculously tongue-tied.

We hung for, like, three hours. We had a good time. We watched the sunset in the park. I mean, everything was perfect, and at the end, she looked at me — and I remember this day like it was yesterday — gazed right into my eyes and said, “I had fun.” So I looked back at her and said, “Yeah, me too.” And I walked away. And then I stopped, and said, “Hey, we've got to do this again some time.” I called her a few days later and asked her out. She agreed. So we met like friends. Did it again. Hung out. I made no moves on her. I was so nervous I didn't know what to do. It was ridiculous. I was in my head in every way, shape and form.

Afterward, I gathered my friends around and asked them if I was doing it right. “Do you think she likes me or do you think we're just friends?” I asked my female friends, and they all told me, “Kiss her.” But I couldn't make a move. I was too nervous to try anything. I was such a watered-down version of myself. I wasn't even teasing her or creating any sexual attraction between the two of us because all I was thinking was, “Don’t blow it!” The irony is, as I was thinking that, I was blowing it every second, every moment.

We went out one more time. I couldn't make a move on her, and then, eventually, she gave up on me and stuck me exactly where I was sticking all the other women. I was in the dreaded friend zone. I will never forget that. I'll never forget the way it felt. I told myself that I never wanted to feel that way ever again.

I ended up running into her about a month later. She was with this dude, and they were holding hands. I looked at her and said, “Wow, that's great. You met somebody.” She said, “Yeah. We met, like, a week ago. Everything is really cool.” Then she looked at me and said, “I don't understand what happened between you and me.” I didn't say anything. I put myself in that position.

Do you want to know how to get out of the friend zone? Don't act like her friend. Don't act like her buddy. Don't have any fear. Don't act like somebody different. Act like yourself. If you're attracted to her, grab her hand. If you want to kiss her, go in for the kiss. If you want to go out with her again, tell her so. Act like you do with all the other women.

Don’t get caught up in the fantasy in your head. You have no idea if she's perfect for you at all. None. That's your fantasy. That's an illusion.

Take her out. Ask her out. Make sure she knows it's a date, not just a hang-out-in-the-park-with-two-dogs-running-around. Step up and be a man because you don't need another friend.

A proper date is what you need to do to stay out of the friend zone. Go in and give her a kiss on the lips so she knows you're dealing with a man. Grab her when you feel like it. Don't be wimpy. Step up to the plate because you need to let her see the real you. If not, then she's never going to know what a great guy you are and then you're going to be stuck in the friend zone and you're going to see her walking down the street with another guy and you're going to realize you blew it with a great girl.

So how do you escape the friend zone? Don’t be her friend in the first place.