[Tarrik]

I've been pretty good lately with Depression/Anxiety. Awhile ago i moved out of my girlfriends house (2 kids involved too) which was hard, but it was sort of like a "break". We've been working it out over time and things look good again. It was really all me, not her and i've taken the time to try and improve myself in different ways.

I've been smoking a lot of weed, to which has helped me a lot (And she's okay with this). I'm able to feel happiness and smile at all different things, none of which may not even be funny. I can be myself, how i used to feel before my life went to shit years upon years ago.

However, things are taking a bit of a dark turn again. My grandad a few months ago had a major heart attack and stroked out with multiple clots in the brain. God knows fucking how but he surived and not only survived..He only lost some vision in one of his eyes and lives a pretty normal life. Here's where it starts getting fucked. My grandma as of a couple of days ago, was diagnosed with mouth cancer. We don't know how bad it is until about Monday when she starts seeing what her options are, how far it has spread, etc.

She's currently 12/10 in pain, and the type of woman who doesn't get treated for anything. Knowing that she's barely able to talk without crying, makes me so fucking sad.
On top of this, my grandad (knowing how much pain she is in and not being able to do much) has had another heart attack. I have the fucked up feeling that these two are going to die together. My grandparents are like a second Mum and Dad to me. They were there for me when my childhood was shit. They believed in everything i wanted to do, or try.

I love them with all of my heart and i am scared to lose them.