[Rapta]

Manifestations, of my frustration from holding in my depression and anxiety, through nightmares is really hard sometimes. Like just now when I was taking a nap, I had a dream that a girl and I who loved each other kept living in different instances of existence. Except she has a curse where she turns into a demon (often triggered when I come near her) and kills everything in sight with strength and speed that disregarded physics. I kept trying to talk to her, trying to turn her back with words and my feelings, but she just ended up killing me. Which was REAAAAALLLY painful. Then I woke up in another instance of existence, and I decided I was going to keep trying to help her turn back from her demonic form so I kept triggering the catalyst and I kept waking up in different areas with her, while she had different grievances each time she turned into a demon. I couldn't turn her back, and each time I failed she killed me (WHICH FELT LIKE I ACTUALLY DIED OWWWWWWWW ;_; ). Eventually after about 60 tries I lost hope and gave up but I kept waking up in the instances near her and I couldn't stop her from transforming anymore and eventually I just kept pleading with her not to kill me because it really hurt and I didn't want to be hurt anymore. She kept killing me in different ways. I couldn't escape her. Every time I tried to jump to my death hoping for a less painful death, she would show up every time and grab me out of the air and kill me. I was stuck in a cycle of constantly seeing my love transform into a demon which kept killing me and I couldn't do anything to help or escape. I kept dying. it was awful. It was torture! I'm so glad to be awake right now.

I had a nightmare where I was in class but I had a headache so I was taking some aspirin but I kept taking them without realizing and eventually it made me almost fall unconscious in class and when I woke up I was in a room with some administrator trying to understand what I had done and I kept getting angry that he wasn't believing me and starting smashing things out of anger and he kept telling me that what I was doing wasn't helping my case..

Then I finally woke up, but I was having a really difficult time opening and keeping my eyes open (because the thermostat was low and the body sleeps better when it is low) and I wanted to stay away from the first nightmare I kept slapping myself to stay awake. My heart still hurts for some reason I can't pinpoint but I know it's related to the nightmares.

Talking about it what these nightmares are manifesting from doesn't help, I tried that a lot. The anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication I am on doesn't reduce the nightmares, they only help me feel better when I am awake. I don't know how to get rid of these constant nightmares and I hate it