[Cavernio]

Well if anyone carries this through to the previous post of my thread, the reset method I had been 'working' on (its the opposite of effort, so not sure how to best describe it) suddenly and unexpectedly clicked at a clear, unsurpassable level of consciousness a couple months ago.

I suppose that experience would be called delusional by the DSM term for it. Mystical is the term I would use for it.
Not my fault mysticism is all but dead in my society.

In the irony of ironies, the moment I finally felt good enough to not desire medical intervention for my 'mental health' (fuck how I hate that loaded term) I was offered a local psychiatrist. They are in very short supply, usually have wait lists of years. Their office even called me back a week ago or so, trying to follow up with me. Deleted the voicemail. Bitches wouldn't know what to do with me if they actually talked to me now anyways.

In further news, I am reminded, once again, how seriously I have to take my diet. The neurological aspects of my celiac disease flare up so easily, and will flare up for week/weeks at a time. Being high all the time kinda masked how much physical pain I get in. The mental issues of course is horrible too. Emotionally as well. My body temperature fluctuates just as much as my emotions and my mind. It's a whole body thing but like...the psyc ward where I get forced into doesn't even listen when I tell them that I actually sleep fine for the most part. They do not realize that I have an autoimmune disorder that affects my entire body and my mind, and it gets me just angry talking about the total unawareness that celiac disease affects me neurologically that every doctor I run into, has. Because until I see a neurologist, my own knowledge of my own body and the -obvious putting together of many other people knowingly having my symptoms who have my disease- are -not enough-
As if! There's no standardized test for this stuff anyways, all a neurologist can go by is my own words anyways!

It's frustrating not being able to be social with most people over food. Most people don't understand. Most people try to offer me food I can't actually eat although they insist it is safe. No. No it is not safe. Had the hospital try to serve me glutinous food too, on more than once. Once was an accident. Another time it was clearly a bowl of cheerios, not gluten free, I can't eat oats. I literally can't trust someone else to prepare food for me. I have had nurses say to me 'So you're refusing to eat?' The hospital in cobourg doesn't even have gluten free meals, much less gluten AND dairy free food.

I risk eating out when I travel (I've travelled a bunch in the past couple years) and every time I get some sort of contamination.

Weed that once relaxed me now makes my mind race even more. Since the flip switched a few months ago I am not depressed anymore. I do however experience fear at a level I did not before though.

It feels good to read about other celiacs who have problems like I do. Many of them have it worse than me.

Going back to not eating dairy anymore. Dairy definitely affects my neurology in a bad way. Definitely linked to the celiac disease. Linked to the fear of things. Linked to pain. Linked to my -very recent- lack of sleep (but that's also related to stopping weed so suddenly). I've read numerous articles about it being linked to schizophrenia in general.