[All_That_Chaz]

It took me forever to finally read this poem.

People have been whining about the cliches. I mean, every single line is a cliche. Because of that I took it to be a funny perspective on emo teenagers writing poetry filled with stock lines and forced emotions.

Sorry if that sounds offensive, but that's how I saw it. As far as improvements go, if you really were going for the idea being purported with the words of the poem, I would get rid of the cliches altogether. Even one makes the work sound hackneyed.

-Chaz

EDIT: also, free verse may be leaving you too many options and causing you to use cliches when other forms wouldn't allow it. it's like I always say, it's easy to write mediocre free verse, but it's harder to write great free verse than a great poem in form.