[Hydlide]

Originally Posted by funmonkey54

This thread makes no sense to me at all.
What is the purpose in this?

This is a blog entry that I just wrote down... Have fun (it will probably filter out most of the F words btw):

Seriously... lets put it straight.. I will go off the record here, throw everything I have got on my keyboard and type my true feelings as I feel this at this single moment: LIFE SUXX!!

As I have always says in dutch "het leven is een aan een schakeling van dieptepunten".. in english, it will probably mean something like "life is nothing more then a piece of **** that stacks up". I am getting to a point that always happends to me every year...

Holiday season, I ****ing hate it... and I ****ing always will! It is the only season that you hang out with your family, have fun and what not. Well.. Sorry to say: My family has dies most of it anyways. This is the season that I hate the most because it also reminds me of times that I personally don't want to remember. I miss my mom, I miss my dad (which I never got to know that well), I miss everything that everyone else has... socialize with friends (I don't have many), have fun with family (I don't have much left), remember the good old times with them... really, I can remember that I got almost choked by my mom on christmas eve... Nice memory...

Really, every year... it is the same ****ing buisness... these memories always return. And this year, it feels like I am litlerly choking to death. It feels like something is stuck there, and each time I swollow, it feels like the same deal... Happy holidays... Have fun with that.

Yesterday evening, it struck me the most.. heck, I can recall last friday night even better... it was the night that I went to the emergency service that single evening since I was trembling like a madman, and some something was choking me to death... and I didn't realize death was that scary..

My heart is weak atm, everytime I think of what is happening inside my body, I start to sweat... My heart starts to pound like a madman, and the only thing that keeps me away from all this horror... is making music.

Even while I type this piece of garbage, my mind is going bezerk! It feels like emotions are typing this, and this is not me typing this. I feel like the freaking hulk... but I am not turning green yet. I just have this really big "pulse" in the back of my throat that says "RAAAAWR!" and screams for attention...

I have no ways out of this atm... It is just a matter of waiting until this whole thing just passes away... I am scared ****less! I am frightneged by myself, and the things I can do... I am not in control of myself... My body basicly tells me how to act right now. And at this point, I feel pissed off as hell! Basicly screaming for revenge for the things that happened to me in the past!

seriously, if you ask why I post this... ask FFR.. they asked me to come up with an explination why I act this way!

There! I have said it! It comes from the heart... or mind.. or what ever is controlling me atm... I dont know what it is...