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**m3t4kn1ght** · 09-10-2018, 05:36 AM

I've talked to others, the problem here is the people close to me haven't experienced the effects of drugs. It's at a level where whenever I am honest about the things I've done, just looking for a bit of advice, they'll be very awkward toward the idea. I have been seeking help to understand peace of heart but the only ones that haven't broken contact due to judgment of drugs are in the same vicious cycle.

I'm not sure if the weed is helping or working against me. It has some relief and relaxation but also enhances my emotional instability. Sleep is the only thing that really helps but the immediate feeling after waking up is so painful. I'll just jump on something to numb up a bit. Be it emotional or physical.

I've tried seeking comfort in old things that used to make me happy but everything is bittersweet. The last stuff I enjoyed fondly is the stuff that puts my ex back in my mind. I can't even enjoy a sunset on my own anymore or even play a simple game of mariokart. I've done breakups before but never truly loved a woman like the last. My brain seems to forget once its under influence, because I can't find any enjoyment in the good things of life.

My biggest fear now is the fact there is no more goal to life. I thought I knew what I was working up to. But it came crumbling down just to expose absolutely nothing on the other end. It seems like all I can do is keep running away with friends that are all figuratively escaping from their gigantic elephants in the room. But I've seen a couple full on break down to not being seen anymore. The structure and discipline have gone just leaving chaos.

The worst is I know what all you are saying collectively are tiny steps to self improvement. I can really see how some of you have had very rough patches and managed to crawl out. It's inspiring. However i just feel like you need the will to do so. I'm desperately trying to get to that point. But the alone feeling combined with everything going down gives me no motivation to even bother. If I'd get hit by a bus today I probably wouldn't really do much effort to avoid it.

I'm just scared of the future I think. There seems to be nothing in it.

09-10-2018, 05:36 AM	#7
m3t4kn1ght I have a calico cat Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Netherlands Age: 29 Posts: 179	Re: Substance abuse I've talked to others, the problem here is the people close to me haven't experienced the effects of drugs. It's at a level where whenever I am honest about the things I've done, just looking for a bit of advice, they'll be very awkward toward the idea. I have been seeking help to understand peace of heart but the only ones that haven't broken contact due to judgment of drugs are in the same vicious cycle. I'm not sure if the weed is helping or working against me. It has some relief and relaxation but also enhances my emotional instability. Sleep is the only thing that really helps but the immediate feeling after waking up is so painful. I'll just jump on something to numb up a bit. Be it emotional or physical. I've tried seeking comfort in old things that used to make me happy but everything is bittersweet. The last stuff I enjoyed fondly is the stuff that puts my ex back in my mind. I can't even enjoy a sunset on my own anymore or even play a simple game of mariokart. I've done breakups before but never truly loved a woman like the last. My brain seems to forget once its under influence, because I can't find any enjoyment in the good things of life. My biggest fear now is the fact there is no more goal to life. I thought I knew what I was working up to. But it came crumbling down just to expose absolutely nothing on the other end. It seems like all I can do is keep running away with friends that are all figuratively escaping from their gigantic elephants in the room. But I've seen a couple full on break down to not being seen anymore. The structure and discipline have gone just leaving chaos. The worst is I know what all you are saying collectively are tiny steps to self improvement. I can really see how some of you have had very rough patches and managed to crawl out. It's inspiring. However i just feel like you need the will to do so. I'm desperately trying to get to that point. But the alone feeling combined with everything going down gives me no motivation to even bother. If I'd get hit by a bus today I probably wouldn't really do much effort to avoid it. I'm just scared of the future I think. There seems to be nothing in it. __________________ "Alle tieners zeggen JA tegen MDMA"