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Old 09-23-2019, 01:00 AM   #131
Niccolo Paganini
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,447
Default Re: life story thread

wall of text incoming:

wooah Javier long time no see! I think over the years I realize I am extremely introverted but FFR has made it easier for me to socialize especially when I had my skills in the game to give a significant confidence boost. It's quite sad that quite a lot of people I was close to don't talk to me anymore for several reasons. In some cases I do give the benefit of the doubt: they're just very busy, moved on from the community, don't use social media or chat apps, etc. To be fair, I sometimes didn't make it easy by closing my Facebook and FFR profiles but at this point I just leave my Discord open and I respond as soon as I can outside my class hours.

one thing I wanted to vent today is now realizing the potential danger of alcohol more than ever. I never felt I was addicted, but I did have uncontrollable shakes after a christmas party when I drank 15 shots of vodka. welp, I had about 15-16 shots worth of Chivas Regal last night. I ate food so I couldn't gauge how drunk I'd get until about 11pm. I learned quite a bit about myself the following hours: I started messaging some friends of mine to strike up conversations but I think I bothered them so that got to me already. I sat in silence in a discord voice channel in hopes I'd make them laugh or join them in FFXIV for fun raid runs. They supposedly invited me but then they went to raid without me and I just turned off my laptop and wept uncontrollably. I thought crying was honestly impossible for me to experience when drunk but it happened, and the alcohol amplified that feeling of rejection. I really am counting my blessings that I am not in a destructive path with alcohol but I won't take risks and will strictly stick with water for the time being.

hey Kayla, yeah I don't think I have any grudges with anyone from this community except maybe a few but it'll probably be another while where I can truly move on from it. I actually got a tattoo on my left arm for my 25th birthday which has so much meaning to me and I plan to get more in the future!
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