[Funnygurl555]

well might as well update this now since i just caught up with someone from the ward. i might transition this into random thoughts/just a damn public diary that doesn't go on facebook (out of respect for my parents) so 'ight

so i've been to the doctor and been to therapy once so far. i might have to get my medication changed 'cause 60 mg of prozac should make me happier than i am (i'm still severely depressed despite taking it, but i'm WAY better than... i guess two months now?)

therapist told me basically to get a life so i gotta... start doing that. gotta start looking for a job and i'ma try to go back to school in the fall for an msw. prolly gonna do it online 'cause i mean.. cost. and on top of that i wanna work in a psych ward 'cause i oddly enough really enjoyed being in a ward last time, and also /med school dreams/. i'll reapply for that next year (to matriculate in 2021).

i've seen my brother a few times? we don't talk. if my brother eats meals with my fam (every night since it's ramadan) i eat at another spot or at a different time. i'm not fasting 'cause my parents know i don't believe in islam, which helps with the meals thing at least. if i enter a space that he's in he gets really mad, which is annoying, 'cause i exist at home too.

i somehow managed to smuggle alc into my home and i relapsed once. i was really depressed 'cause i feel like a failure compared to all my friends. but that's how life is when you go to princeton and your peers are amazing people. i feel better since my therapist told me to get up and work + go to school. she also rec'd aa to me, but idk how to tell my parents about it without them knowing i drank. i have a really good thing going with my parents and i don't want that crushed.

aside from my bro, life at home's pretty fine. my parents are really wholesome so it's great being around them. i have no friends at home though, but i didn't have friends growing up, so i'm used to it i guess.

edit: oh i'm also getting a haircut on thurs. my mom can't stand looking at what i did to my hair, and when i go outside i wear a hat x______x

i also have to start actually doing the thing i told myself to do and work out. but i actually started eating well though! adlfja;