[V-Ormix]

reading some of this stuff makes me want to remember what else happened in my life but it's all blank :v I guess that makes me potentially one of the lucky ones??

I could maybe distill my lesser attributes of finding it hard to relate with you guys with what feels like such a blurry past as being almost negative at times, and I get in that state of feeling like "eh I don't need people anyways" which I know isn't a healthy way to feel rip

I guess what makes it ironic is I equalize my irrational negativity with the very thing that causes it continuing to be self absorbed and convincing myself "that's not who I am in this subsequent time and place" and a lot of space gets filled with neutrality up until If I'm not making an effort to go up I slowly fall down :v

Maybe if I continue through this slow articulation then things of detail will come back to me like puzzle pieces but then ... I'd actually be responding to the thread topic in a way that makes sense and I for whatever f all reason (psychologically?) feel I didn't get the 'perfect' communication across and thus subject to implication or derail.

I give tons of people credit over the years of wanting to know me but I simply always reverted back to my own bubble or comforting contemplation on aspects of life people do with out thought :I