[zoogarama]

Originally Posted by ormix

I see what you're saying and you're entitled to you're perception. I had pm'd an admin requesting a ban before this thread was made - this was to accelerate the process, nothing more, nothing less.

In my head I imagined an admin just closing the thread on the first reply followed by being banned (what I wanted) because I wanted it to happen right away.

Instead, I got a ton of support of people willing to reach out and were genuinely concerned which was really nice to see. Knowing the person I mentioned will see this is a benefit long term as I can now say that I am at peace with myself from the emotional/mental warfare I waged on myself.

My conclusion is you can admire who some one is or what they do but still have to accept the reality when you're not truly compatible with them.

Could I have remained friends with this person? certainly, but I wanted more than was tangible from them and ultimately than I deserved for what I thought I was bringing to the table (in potential).

Just wanted to clear up my real intention was out of impulse more than anything else, this thread was not intended to spite the person.

I feel like you're missing a lot of what my original point was. "Knowing the person I mentioned will see this is a benefit long term" This response in particular? You were told not to contact this person and you are essentially saying, I'm really glad that I was able to get around that rule without actually breaking it. For what it's worth, I hope this person doesn't see this. Running into people in public spaces is one thing but that's not what you're doing. You continue to respond to posts with your feelings under a narrative of continuously explaining yourself even when the people commenting on here, haven't asked you for it. You are literally having the conversation you wish you could PM this person and now you've returned to check on the thread with an alt account.

So no, I don't think you have fully reconciled this and whether the intent initially was out of impulse. You let it feed your desire to be heard by this person and now you have a multi-page thread explaining your feelings around the situation. You continue to show a lack of respect for this persons wishes which was very simple, "I don't want to hear from you again."

Again, I am just a random person on the internet. If you don't want to take my opinion I can completely understand that. Which is why I'm again recommending you seek out professional help on this. Heck, show them this thread, ask them for what their thoughts are. This community is wonderful for supporting each other but sometimes you're not going to get the hard truths you need from strangers and acquaintances.