ah fuck, i didnt mean to get everyone angry at one another
reading choofs post actually struck pretty close to home... somehow our life situation is eerily similar, honestly its fuckin weird, even the brother who used steroids and solved things with violence... honestly its sort of chilling to read it and think of my own experiences.. i dont mean to trivialize ur own by saying mine are equal, since i havent experience yours, but still
firstly, my parents aren't divorced but they may as well be. theres nearly constant fighting every single day, to the point where i need to mute my microphone nearly every day to avoid having people im talking to hear it. at this point it shouldn't be my concern since i should just leave and move out but even so it still hurts me
secondly and unrelated but its rude to call xelyna a charter since i do also make charts and chart alot, sure my files are garbage but making them and playing them makes me happy so i dont care, i understand people dont play them or if they do they think its just a joke made to farm "le etterna rating xD" but that was never my goal and even if thats what they accomplish i dont care
thirdly im a complete dumbass and seemed to mix up funnygurl with zeldafangirl or whatever in terms of it just posting to feel better about themselves and im sorry for that, im actually really dumb and mix people up alot but im sure you can see how id confuse them since they both have girl in their name (not justification but im stupid and cant think sometimes, i guess based on my justification id mix them up with drizzle too but drizzle is way too wholesome for that to ever happen xd)
fourthly it really upsets me to see that my stupid bullshit ended up making choof feel bad because despite not caring about myself at all, for some reason i care about other people and how they feel alot, i still remember how i messaged choof on twitter a while back after he seemed sad or whatever and im not trying to say that im some moral justice person, i just legitimately cared about him, so for him to get targeted because of defending this community against me, regardless of how he goes about it, really upsets me and does make me feel like shit
fifthly if you actually think
Quote:
Originally Posted by TC_Halogen
The fact that you cited choof as a "flaming asshat" and dingles as fine within the context of this thread is ridiculous. He went after dingles for targeting the OP of the thread in a completely unnecessary and emotionally harmful way.
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im sorry but ur naive to think the goal of my post was to target the OP in some emotionally harmful way, if u actually think its emotionally harmful then ur essentially assuming that funnygurl cant take any sort of criticism or whatnot (even if my criticism was baseless and worthless), which if anything to me makes me think that you feel they cant handle it
sixthly (idk if this is even a word this post be going on too long), i do realize that im a piece of shit and generally unlikeable, and i won't deny it... i did feel quite upset when choof told me to randomize my password and never post or log in again, but at the same time i can understand where he's coming from... its always difficult to just force yourself into some community, especially when its so tight knit... i think alot of people here really love choof and care about him, and im sure people here also feel the same for me, but at the same time i know i can be an asshole sometimes and be rude to people..
if anything, its a reflection of my lack of self esteem and self worth, I think that i feel that sometimes i need to be the most abrasive and offensive i can possibly be to have anyone care about me and thats a bad thing and not a good trait to have, and i'm sincerely sorry for it. at the same time, i feel (i always assume things and really shouldn't assume how other people feel because understanding emotions is hard for me) that choof also maybe feels a somewhat similar way, maybe not the same in terms of goal etc but when i see him defending his community of friends and people he cares about, the way he goes about it gets to me alot not gonna lie, and it makes me feel quite sad and reflect on myself, because for some reason it feels relateable
anyways I can't words anymore but I apologize for being an asshole and starting this drama and think that we should all just move on and i hope that you can all forgive me
also eighthly i guess, my profile has been closed for nearly a month or two and its unfortunately not related to FFR at all but ya