[Spenner]

I think the fact that I can use weed medicinally now is a pretty notable improvement for me. For the longest time, while it would get me high and whatnot, it would always be... shakey, a bit paranoid, and my heart would feel uncomfortable.

But now, I'm able to analyze the incoming thoughts that would normally lead to paranoid thought loops, or any thought loop for that matter, and I'm able to avoid falling into them. It means my training of CBT (I guess, I'm self taught for all this therapy business, shaped through my own experiences) is paying off because I'm seeing results.

That's why I'm able to work, now. I'm able to swim through the incoming intrusive thoughts. It's so easy to get distracted by nightmarish associations I have in my head, but I'm able to not take them as seriously most of the time, and move on. And for the intrusive thoughts that won't leave my head for an entire work shift... I've learned to just ignore them. Or if I'm lucky, I'll have the capacity to play music I want to hear. I generally need to be in a decent mood for that though.