[diddleysquin]

Step one:

Finding your safe space; while an IRL safe space is always the most ideal you can still find one online. Seek out a a space like a discord group where you can just be *you*, doesn't have to be LGBT focused, just accepting, it'll give you peace to just chat with folks where you don't feel like you have to tell them everything to feel like you're not hiding something; it'll also give you a space to vent if things get a bit much. (feel free to find me via the FFR discord or DM me on here if you just need a chat(LGBT or otherwise), same goes for anyone else reading this)

Warning:

It's a common sentiment in a lot of online spaces that you need to be *out* no matter what, "authentic lifestyle" and all that; ignore those people, your safety always has to come first (as much as it sucks that that should ever need to be a consideration) and you'll always be the best judge of what is and isn't safe to disclose to those around you. That doesn't just mean "I'm worried *person* will be violent", it can be a risk of removal of care or emotional or financial support, especially for minors.

Reassurance/ my experience:

I'll also say that the idea of "coming out" is overly sensationalised by media. I was terrified of having to come out to my family (over 15 years ago now). I was openly bi with friends at school (I go by pan now but hey, I was 14 and just figuring it out); my mother taught at my (catholic) school and was covering my lesson one day and (completely without malice) another student tried to pass a note to me in class, asking if I was out at home [because of course the second they realise the teacher is your mother the only things they can think of are the things they think they shouldn't say]. My mother does her job and intercepts a note being passed round the class (that I still don't know is intended for me). She reads the note (it reads "F Beth, Does your mum know you're gay? 4 *Diddley*"), asks the sender "Do you want to read this out in front of the class?" and they obviously shake their head and turn red in the face. My mother then looks the sender in the eye and just says "yes" and puts the note in the bin and continues the lesson. It wasn't until after the class that Beth ran over and apologised and I even began to understand what had just happened in class.

I spent the rest of the day bricking myself for the car ride home but my mother didn't even bring it up; I worried over it for weeks, wondering when she was going to *finally* bring it up at home, but she never did. About two months later *I* brought up "that note", my mothers only question was to ask if I was actually dating my best friend, because if so we'd have to sleep in different rooms for future sleep overs.

When I had to *come out* all over again a little over a year later for transitioning, I was still so terrified that I had to write her a letter to do it, including contact details for the councillor I was seeing and how to access resources to support parents. We lived under the same roof and I wrote her a letter!

Conclusion:

My point is that you are the best judge of how those around you will act but the panic of thinking you *have* to tell them can seriously cloud your judgement. As an adult my catholic mother had no qualms coming for a cuppa and catch up at my place with my trans ass and the rest of my polycule.