[Cavernio]

I struggle everyday. The desire to do nothing is hard to overcome. I don't have good advice. ADHD drugs and a schedule and routine that's centered around working towards getting your goals done is advice that's already been given. If I fuck up my gluten free diet (I have celiac disease) I get much worse. I should go see a doctor see if my gluten antibodies are below threshold...I have a feeling they might not be, but not due to any lack of intelligent diet choices on my part.

I guess another thing that helps me is to be social. Like, if I schedule an activity with someone, I'm far more likely to do that activity than if it's solo. Of course, then there's the whole idea of 'well why am I making myself do this thing if I don't want to do it?'

As soon as I consider 'oh I don't -have- to do this' I'm done for it seems.

I...there's just sooo much history of depression that I could write for hours trying to explain my experiences. When I give myself too much work I get overwhelmed and get depressed. If I don't give myself enough work it's bad in another way. Like, I was depressed because I was fatigued and couldn't focus and I couldn't accomplish what was once nearly trivially easy things that I needed to accomplish. Then, when I finally realized 'oh hey, you're only depressed because you keep trying at something that you're failing at, and you've got expectations of yourself that you're no keeping', I'm no longer super depressed but that didn't give me back my energy or fix my overall moodiness or, pertinent to this discussion, magically give me motivation. Falling in love was pretty magical for all of these problems of mine actually, and caffeine gives me energy, but it doesn't seem to be a permanent fix.