[Spheroid]

It's the sign of the times when no one will respond to a poem like this - you've got some great stuff going here. The overall form is very nice. I especially like what you've done on line 6. After setting up four lines in a metered fashion, you break the meter while at the same time your character is wishing he could break the moment. This really accentuates you're idea, and is very effective. Some of your language is very well chosen - I'm especially jealous of "entirely entangled." You're last line, although not as descriptive, is also well done. It adds an informality to your voice that makes you seem more honest, and less prone to being too profound. Also, you're use of repetition subtle and quite powerful. "No thoughts," makes the middle of your poem flow much more nicely, and repeating the opening line goes a long way towards giving it a message.

But of course, you really came here for criticism, not just to be praised. While the first four lines are very well phrased, many of the others suffer by comparison. It gives the impression that you came up with one verse you really liked, and then felt obligated to finish the rest. Lines 7 & 8 are probably the worst - the rhyme just feels forced. To remedy, consider using the same meter as lines 3 & 4. This would improve the flow, and strengthen line 6 even more. Lastly, it might help to consider your poem in two parts, the break being after "no thoughts/ no sounds." If you meter out everything in the first part, than the free form afterwards might be made all the more effective.