[richhhhhard]

Sigh.
Well I suppose this is just not something I will ever be able to understand.
I know it doesn't matter cause it really doesn't affect you guys, but there is a reason I have been thinking so much about stuff like this.
A few months ago I was at my friends apartment and I stood up and walked into the kitchen and everything just got kind of hazy. You know the feeling you get when you stand up too fast? I thought that is what it was but I started shaking and when my vision came back I couldn't remember who I was or where I was or why I was there for a few minutes. I thought maybe it was just my diet or sleeping habits (I am in college so both are pretty bad) but it kept happening no matter how I ate or how much sleep I got. Finally one time that it happened I woke up in the hospital. My mom says that I collapsed on the staircase, but I don't remember.

How are you supposed to make sense of something like this when you still feel like a little kid? They don't even know what the problem is. They think something is causing my brain to swell. It's not cancer, it's not a tumor, my brain is just swelling bigger than there is room for in my skull.

I gave up on religion a long time ago, so that is why I have been thinking about stuff like this so much. I am supposed to be getting married at this age, starting a family, finishing school. My parents are supposed to be picking out toys for their grandchildren not trying to figure out how to pay for my funeral. This is s*** I should be seeing on a TV show, not experiencing in real life.

It made it easier to simplify everything. To think that everything was easier to understand than I had always thought. I guess nothing is easy, or simple, in this world though. There will always be things more complex than I am able to understand. This is probably the last time I will be on here because it is making me really sad.

Thanks everyone though, for explaining things and sharing your thoughts. Oh, and I don't want your sympathy. Just don't take time for granted.