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Zageron 01-26-2013 04:56 AM

Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
Short Stories
January. 26th, 2013: For Renevatia: Arrivals
January. 28th, 2013: Another one for Renevatia: Moon

Short Works
January. 30th, 2013: For Andy: Arbitration
Febuary. 2nd, 2013: For Crazyjayde: The Crowd

For Renevatia: Arrivals

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The dry stream side reeds brushed against my slacks as I came to a stop before Lyurio Creek. The sound of the rocks crunching beneath my feet drowned by the drone of the rushing water, I stood and looked out towards the Al Niar mountains. After the barren wasteland between Sul'mar and Keitsa, the Keitsa planes were a welcome sight. The pounding might of Eye'ek falls roared behind me, filling the otherwise docile landscape with an ominous air. Countless creatures of flight surfed the thermals rushing up from the wastes, wings spread lazily in the afternoon sunlight. Moisture would settle on this land when night fell, a thoroughly satisfying premise to be sure. Droplets forming on every upturned surface, drinking in the moonlight. It occurred to me that my reserves were likely very low, and collecting some moon drops wouldn't be a bad idea. Best prepare to avoid the night life though, running into a beast of the night would be troublesome given my current state.


I tread lightly over the surface of the water, peering between my feet at the fish swimming towards Eye'ek. Their long journey ended at the base of the mile high falls, hopes of a further journey crushed by the pure might of the downpour. The phosphorescent blue glow of the waters eased my mind away from my aching feet, bringing forward thoughts of the Nameless sea. To the east, far beyond Sul'mar the great tranquil ocean likely still sat glassy and unmoving, a perfect reflection of the sky above it. A facade of facades, the most treacherous place I have come to known, the peace promised by the expanse of blue drew the countless in unrest to their deaths. One of the few places I can not set foot.


Stepping softly onto the opposite bank I loped slowly towards the twins. A common camp for the poor traveller, unable to afford the exorbitant prices of Keitsa's hospitality. A number of thin lines of smoke rose up and west with the winds from the barren. Seven fires in all, quite a large party. It was unlikely that I would know any of the guests, so I held no reservation on my approach.


The rustling of the low trees surrounding the encampment announced my arrival, though no one would care enough to hear it. The two sentries within my sight greeted me with lazy waves, and a nod of welcome, as I moved past them. Stopping not far off at my usual place, I was greeted by several new growths well into their teenage years. Frowning thoughtfully I circled the spot until I located a well sized clearing. I removed my satchel and pulled the shelter gear from it's depths. Jamming one end into the ground the mechanism let out a low hiss and the field hummed into being. I removed my staffs, leaning them up against the tree, and set off toward the fires.


I sat down quietly on a bench next to a young mother and her child, the husband tended the cook pot while another family attended to the fire. I received a friendly smile and a number of raised eyebrows, but comprehension dawned on the confused fairly quickly. I graciously nodded in acceptance when a bowl of stew was offered to me, and pulled out a piece of hard bread from my long coat.


After the eating had concluded, and utensils quietly recovered and cleaned, everyone settled down before the fire. The mumble of conversation had long since faded to nothing upon my arrival, and I could feel the tension brought on by the silence approaching a breaking point. The young children especially, it was clear, were having difficulties remaining quiet. There is no law demanding silence in the presence of one such as myself. Over the years, an unspoken rule rose from the earth, as if a development of human nature. I do not remember when the tales spread to such an extent to cause such an effect, but I do remember the days of cheer.


Raising my gaze from the fire I took in the crowd. All of the benches, excluding the one on which I sat, had been rearranged to accommodate the occupants of all of the other fires. Well over thirty people now sat looking into the fire, stealing glances at me when their courage was high enough. I made sure to keep a warm smile on my face while I met each and every eye in turn. After expressing my thanks of hospitality, I returned my eyes to the fire.


One of the children in the far back sneezed violently, and I couldn't help but give out a low chuckle. I found myself with a great smile on my face as I determined the story I would tell this night. I stole a glance at the stars above before taking a deep breath.

Aldebaran is shining overheard this tale... This might change a few things.

And so, I began...


-- First Draft, minor edits, of a segment of the history of Zageron,
Inspired entirely by the concept painting by Renevatia.

tl;dr
dude arrives at a camp, starts telling a story



Please comment! :)
(Indented for readability. Written in 1:30 hours.)

andy-o24 01-26-2013 10:33 PM

Re: For Renevatia: Arrivals
 
Quote:

[10:38 PM] Zageron: Not really sure "who" he is, but I figured mysterious and respected would be cool so I went with it.
Character Development

Considering that, I think you have done a good job in terms of character development, even in a piece as short as this.
Quote:

It occurred to me that my reserves were likely very low
Somewhat of a nomad, perhaps? Obviously we take provisions with us when we travel, but I think the word "reserves" was well chosen and utilized. A traveler who does not have a home.
Quote:

I tread lightly over the surface of the water
As much as he is a traveler, he obviously has some kind of magical properties. No normal person can walk on water. A special breed of person or a single magical hero?
Quote:

the poor traveller
Supports the nomad hypothesis.
Quote:

I graciously nodded in acceptance when a bowl of stew was offered to me
Obviously. Gracious. Humble from having so little or is that expected of him?
Quote:

There is no law demanding silence in the presence of one such as myself.
"one such as myself" would assert he is a special breed of person, and not just a single magical hero type character.
Quote:

I gave made sure to keep a warm smile on my face while I met each and every eye in turn
Trying to save face almost with these people. Reassure them that he is a -good- guy. Brings me to the infamous point further down.
Quote:

I couldn't help but give out a low chuckle. I found myself with a great smile on my face
A sense of humor I suppose. Not really a mysterious quality, but it humanizes someone that has since been described to be magical and unique. The reader can connect, at least to a small degree, with the character.

Environment

I'm not going to quote the whole first three paragraphs where you talk of the environment, but considering the concept art, you seem to hit the main points in the picture. You talk of streams and plains and waterfalls. You even mention the weather which is pretty cool for a fictional environment. Your mention of the "barren wasteland" gives insight to the environment the character has traveled through to make it here and what lies beyond the concept art. I guess the mountains are what looks like a floating city to me there in the background, but that's interpretation and writers liberty, so no issue there.

Character's Past

Herein lies the majority of the mystique of your character.
Quote:

After the barren wasteland between Sul'mar and Keitsa
"After" I would assume means he has just traversed it. That would explain his reserves being low.
Quote:

the most treacherous place I have come to known...One of the few places I can not set foot.
What happened in the Nameless sea? Funny how he can walk on water but "not set foot" in the sea. Thought that was a nice intraparagraph juxtaposition. Still, not sure about the events at the Nameless sea in the past. Apparently it is pretty dangerous, considering it has killed many people before.
Quote:

It was unlikely that I would know any of the guests
As well as
Quote:

Stopping not far off at my usual place
These establish a familiarity with the location. Somewhere this character has stopped at many times in the past and now again in the present time. This conflicts with the nomad type quality of the character, but what may have happened here in the past is still a mystery.
Quote:

Over the years, an unspoken rule rose from the earth
"Over the years" So, there is a clear span of time. How long is not stated, which brings me to wonder how old our character must be. Definitely an adult in stature and mannerisms, but he could be incredibly old as he is of another breed.
Quote:

I do not remember when the tales spread to such an extent to cause such an effect, but I do remember the days of cheer.
Tales of his good or bad deeds? I guess we can't tell entirely if he's famous or infamous. There is just tension and silence. But, also in this sentence is the question of the "days of cheer." That was when he was good and fought for the people and was treated as a hero? Then what happened to bring him to this low state. Why is he a nomad?
Quote:

Well over thirty people now sat looking into the fire, stealing glances at me when their courage was high enough.
Maybe he is running on a short fuse and just a look would set him off? Doesn't seem like that kind of character, but the whole point seems to be building mystique.
Quote:

I determined the story I would tell this night.
Traveling orator? I doubt it, but who knows. Have the people come to expect this of him, or is this just his way of expressing himself: through little words other than stories.

Final Thoughts

Sorry about this block of text, I thought I would put my thoughts on paper for you. For what you are trying to do here, or at least what I think you are trying to do here, you do so effectively. You definitely build a character that has a cryptic past and is unique in more than one way.
If you want to address any of the questions in my analysis, go right ahead. I can come back with more if you wish. Overall, though, I think you've done a very nice job especially in only an hour and a half.

-o24

Zageron 01-26-2013 11:45 PM

Re: For Renevatia: Arrivals
 
Quote:

Character Development

Considering that, I think you have done a good job in terms of character development, even in a piece as short as this.
Thank you.

Quote:

Somewhat of a nomad, perhaps? Obviously we take provisions with us when we travel, but I think the word "reserves" was well chosen and utilized. A traveler who does not have a home.
Pretty much what you assume, though aimed at the previous "moonlight" comment. His reserves of moonlight are low, and he thinks that he should fill them back up. (Moonlight is collected in moisture droplets, and sinks into the ground or evaporates.)

Quote:

As much as he is a traveler, he obviously has some kind of magical properties. No normal person can walk on water. A special breed of person or a single magical hero?
Definitely not a "hero" in the standard cliche sense. If I continue my writing you'll see what I mean.

Quote:

Supports the nomad hypothesis.
Yes. He does not enter cities often.

Quote:

Obviously. Gracious. Humble from having so little or is that expected of him?
Very humble. Is not power hungry, though holds a vast amount of it.

Quote:

"one such as myself" would assert he is a special breed of person, and not just a single magical hero type character.
There are a few others like him in the world, though he has only heard of them--never seen one.

Quote:

Trying to save face almost with these people. Reassure them that he is a -good- guy. Brings me to the infamous point further down.
He has lived a long time, and times have changed. Such are the rumours surrounding him that he needs to pass himself off as friendly and approachable.

Quote:

A sense of humor I suppose. Not really a mysterious quality, but it humanizes someone that has sense been described to be magical and unique. The reader can connect, at least to a small degree, with the character.
I made a indirect reference to content that does not yet exist. The sneezing child triggers a memory, which directs his mind to which story to tell.

Quote:

Environment

I'm not going to quote the whole first three paragraphs were you talk of the environment, but considering the concept art, you seem to hit the main points in the picture. You talk of steams and plains and waterfalls. You even mention the weather which is pretty cool for a fictional environment. Your mention of the "barren wasteland" give insight to the environment the character has traveled through to make it here and what lies beyond the concept art. I guess the mountains are what looks like a floating city to me there in the background, but that's interpretation and writers liberty, so no issue there.
Thank you very much! :)

Quote:

Character's Past

Herein lies the majority of the mystique of your character.

"After" I would assume means he has just traversed it. That would explain his reserves being low.
Yup.

Quote:

What happened in the Nameless sea? Funny how he can walk on water but "not set foot" in the sea. Thought that was a nice intraparagraph juxtaposition. Still, not sure about the events at the Nameless sea in the past. Apparently it is pretty dangerous, considering it has killed many people before.
I did not see this connection, but I absolutely love it. My style of writing has been known to create interesting things like this. (Says every English teacher I've had.)

Quote:

These establish a familiarity with the location. Somewhere this character has stopped at many times in the past and now again in the present time. This conflicts with the nomad type quality of the character, but what may have happened here in the past is still a mystery.
Mysterious. :P Yes, he has been here before.

Quote:

"Over the years" So, there is a clear span of time. How long is not stated, which brings me to wonder how old our character must be. Definitely an adult in stature and mannerisms, but he could be incredibly old as he is of another breed.
A long time indeed.

Quote:

Tales of his good or bad deeds? I guess we can't tell entirely if he's famous or infamous. There is just tension and silence. But, also in this sentence is the question of the "days of cheer." That was when he was good and fought for the people and treated as a hero? Then what happened to bring him to this low state. Why is he a nomad?
You know how the truth is stretched over distance, and how much even more so over time.

Quote:

Maybe he is running on a short fuse and just a look would set him off? Doesn't seem like that kind of character, but the whole point seems to be building mystique.
They are simply intimidated by him, and do not know what to do. They know that when one such as he appears, they should listen to what he has to say. (In reference to the "confused looks" some of them did not know or remember this, and were reminded.)

Quote:

Traveling orator? I doubt it, but who knows. Have the people come to expect this of him, or is this just his way of expressing himself: through little words other than stories.
More like walking wisdom, but this is the first time I've ever written anything about ZET. Anything could happen to be honest.

Quote:

Final Thoughts

Sorry about this block of text, I thought I would put my thoughts on paper for you. For what you are trying to do here, or at lest what I think you are trying to do here, you do so effectively. You definitely build a character that has a cryptic past and is unique in more than one way.
If you want to address any of the questions in my analysis, go right ahead. I can come back with more if you wish. Overall, though, I think you've done a very nice job especially in only an hour and a half.

-o24
No apologies necessary, that is the most thoughtful analysis I have ever read regarding one of my own pieces of work. I appreciate absolutely everything you said, and have already built a firmer image in my head as a result. I tend to lean toward mysterious characters who do not revel the powers granted to them. I have a number of ideas as to "where" he, and his powers, originated from.

Thank you very much for this reply, I have taken a lot from it!

Cheers,

andy-o24 01-27-2013 12:04 AM

Re: For Renevatia: Arrivals
 
You answered all of my questions adequately. I know you don't want to give too much away if you consider writing more, which I would love to see. I'm glad this was helpful for you. Not the most constructive criticism, per se, but something to think about for sure.

-o24

Zageron 01-28-2013 03:07 AM

Another one for Renevatia: Moon
 
Another one for Renevatia: Moon
I had to hurry if I was to make it on time. The chapel was at the dead centre of the city, and I was dead not even close to the outer walls yet. My escapade with the lake brownies had pushed the evening off the deep end, and high lunarus was about to follow the same path. So many were the etiquettes of these brownies that simply getting any of them to say a single word would be considered a monstrous waste of time. Lucky for me the first words that came out of their little mouths was exactly what I wanted to here. I've definitely lost at least some favour of all sprites since I most definitely barged out of the glade without any more grace than my behind could offer.

It's been way too long since my last recharge, so using this alignment to my benefit wouldn't be too bad. Since the whole ordeal needs the alignment anyways, it wouldn't hurt to sneak a few drops of the rays into my own reserves. No one would notice, no one is watching me.

I skimmed over the ground, kicking up clouds of murky-grey dust coloured by the cloudy moonlit sky. Tall blades of grass bent out of my way as I approached them, mercifully sparing me from the embarrassment of being soaked by the collection of midnight dew.

A number of small green animals were oblivious to my flight, so an extra care went into avoiding their delicate beings. For half a moment I saw a hilarious little glob of life hanging off of a towering piece of grass, slowly losing it's grip as the blade moved gently out of my way. It's tiny little squeals and squelches painted the funniest picture in my head, so I graciously snatched it off it's overhand and rested it gently next to a little pond--all without slowing down of course.

The high walls of Pou'quan loomed up like a great cliff stealing more and more of the sky from my view. As I rapidly approached the giant shadow I relaxed and allowed myself to drift into unawares--still running, mind you. When I came to a short moment later, I was very much on the opposite side of the walls. Just enough moonlight left for the job, I guess.

I leaped softly on to a nearby roof and quickly made my way toward the city centre, following the outline of the chapel peak. The soft glow from the windows lit both my path and the streets below. Muffled voices leaked out into the night, crying the joys of an evening with family, and I caught whiffs of fresh stews and baked breads. A small pang of loneliness quickly quelled, but I do remember it.

A stray domesticated 4 legged animal loped along the crown of the roof in front of me. Wondering how high it could jump I said hello, and all it did was give me an extremely unimpressed look and tell me to get moving. What an evening. Everyone seems to know what I'm here to do, I just wish the brownies had the heart to tell me where to go instead of leading me through their ridiculous ritual time wast-- eh, ceremonies.

Finishing that though, I launched myself at the central tower of the chapel--having reached the square during my intimate conversation with my furry friend. I pulled my two staves off of my back and held them tightly in my hands. Timing would be moderately important here, better not to screw it up.

My perception of time slowed as I build up my concentration. My feet quickly found a grip on the vertical surface of the tower, and my knees bent in a powerful spring. Launching forward, I cast my equipment in front of me towards the centre of the landing, grinning in anticipation of the meal awaiting my pleasure. Slamming my palms together, as if through water, I let loose my remaining energy in a torrent of white light and electrostatic charge. My normally pointy grey sticks immediately burst into a radiance of pure blue light, an audible hum emminating from them. Encircling my body they began to spin round and round in an elliptical orbit.

Their movement so rapid now that an illusion of six surrounded me. A whirlwind of power blew wildly in the air, and deep moaning voices could be heard from the unknown lands beyond the stretching of the dimension the maelstrom was causing. I righted myself and my six staffs followed suit, closing in to a perfectly circular orbit.

As I smashed down onto the earth in front of the church everything froze in an abrupt and utterly silent manner. It has always been so offensive how my adjustments to nature end in such anti-climactic ways, but such is life. The powerful rays of the moon now cast directly down on me, as I used the newly born void to channel pure moon-rays directly into the earth. Their passing through the tiles at my feet gave off such radiance that palpable particles could be seen by the eyes of any living thing expressing enough interest to bother looking. Likely only including my new friend on the roof, whose large round eyes i saw reflecting a substantially less amount of moonlight from a ledge above.
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Careful not to kill myself, I opened myself to accept the tiniest sliver of the lunar light being reflected from the ground. An immense surge of satiation flooded through my entire existence immediately, and feeling the top of the world I quickly cut the inflow.

I peered carefully into the distance, extending my vision to see the looming mountain in the distance. The steady billowing smoke which had been polluting this valley for over seven years had just ceased entirely. Excellent!

Releasing my hold on the unfolding events, I deftly snatched my two actual sticks from the air in front of me and replaced them on my back. Adjusting my cossack, I stepped out of the fading circle. The clouds swept in to cover the moon and the city was quickly covered in a gloomy darkness once more. My able bodied friend slunk down from the buildings and rubbed against my legs, grinning up at me in a silent thanks, before loping off into the shadows of an adjacent structure.

Turning toward the distant city gates I caught glimpse of a young man sitting on a bench at the edge of the square. I nodded at him politely, and he nodded back--completely unawed by the just transpired events. Seeing me pause to ponder what he could possibly be thinking, he raised a hand towards me and shook his head while smiling. I agreed, and so turn and walked into the night.


-- First Draft, minor edits, of a segment of the history of Zageron,
Inspired in part by the concept painting by Renevatia.

tl;dr
dude finds out volcano put city in deep shit, does something flashy about it


Thank you, again, for reading!
Please comment!
(Indented for readability, written in 2-3 hours)

andy-o24 01-30-2013 06:18 PM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
This won't be as in-depth (hopefully), but will still cover some of the cool stuff. This will be my thoughts on paper, more or less. I saw you had a random thought that said the stories weren't connected, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume this is the same character. Given that assumption, let's begin.


The "brownies." Sprites? Or a people? "Lost at least some favour of all sprites" makes me think sprites.

Second reading, I like this bit. "No one would notice, no one is watching me." Paralleled with both the dog and the guy on the bench.

"Skimmed over the ground" made me think he was floating. That was shot down when you used "Still running, mind you."

Paragraph four shows signs of enhanced senses. Especially sight.

"I leaped softly on to a nearby roof." That's inhuman. So, more special powers for this guy.

"A small pang of loneliness quickly quelled, but I do remember it." Replaced common food/drink for moonlight? Nevermind, he ate in Arrivals.

"My feet gradually found a grip on the vertical surface of the tower." If I'm envisioning this correctly, our character is defying gravity. That's not common. Nit-picky, but same sentence, kneed should be knees?

Paragraph eleven. Few things. Firstly "palpable particles." Alliteration used for a greater purpose? Next, I'm a little confused about the void, but he's magical, so that's alright. And the last sentence just sounds a little wonky, I don't know.

"Feeling the top of the world." Correct phrasing there? Or did you want 'Feeling on top of the world?'

Next bit seems like moonlight not only powers our character but can help heal the earth. Pretty special stuff. I like that theme, you can do a lot with it. Only thing is, I didn't immediately connect the mountain billowing smoke with a volcano. The tl;dr helped there, so I thank you for that.

There's the dude on the bench as I mentioned earlier. The gestures are mysterious, as I'm sure you intended. Maybe this guy on the bench is another person like our protagonist.

Finally, some more nit-picky things. (I could have sworn I had more than one...)
"My perception of time slowed as I build up my concentration." Slowed is past tense, build is present. I know this isn't edited, and maybe I'm wrong, but shouldn't a piece be consistent in it's tenses?

Anyway, there you go. It's something to think about if nothing else.

Happy birthday, Zag. : )

-o24

Zageron 01-30-2013 07:06 PM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
Quote:

This won't be as in-depth (hopefully), but will still cover some of the cool stuff. This will be my thoughts on paper, more or less. I saw you had a random thought that said the stories weren't connected, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume this is the same character. Given that assumption, let's begin.
Yes, lets.

Quote:

The "brownies." Sprites? Or a people? "Lost at least some favour of all sprites" makes me think sprites.
Pixies, Sprites, Gnomes, Fae... whatever. I call them Brownies here.

Quote:

Second reading, I like this bit. "No one would notice, no one is watching me." Paralleled with both the dog and the guy on the bench.
Yes. I thought about the idea of hinting that what he assumes isn't necessarily fact, since he seems pretty omnipotent so far. Having two instances where 'things' actually gave him direct notice is a good contrast to his assumptions.

Quote:

"Skimmed over the ground" made me think he was floating. That was shot down when you used "Still running, mind you."
Hmm. Fast running. I could expand on that part in another piece if I get any more fan art for Zag.

Quote:

Paragraph four shows signs of enhanced senses. Especially sight.
Yes. I also intended for a slight hint of condescension, if you caught it. Not sure if I want it there, but I thought that many this story arc is earlier in Zag's life when he is more self centred.

Quote:

"I leaped softly on to a nearby roof." That's inhuman. So, more special powers for this guy.
Nah, he's a mountain goat. You seen those things climb? yes special powers

Quote:

"A small pang of loneliness quickly quelled, but I do remember it." Replaced common food/drink for moonlight? Nevermind, he ate in Arrivals.
Hmm. Not quite sure what you mean here. I intended to portray the sense of nomad/ranger, lone traveller. You made the inference that Zag is really old, and that there are possibly only a few others like him alive. Loneliness would be not be surprising.

Quote:

"My feet gradually found a grip on the vertical surface of the tower." If I'm envisioning this correctly, our character is defying gravity. That's not common. Nit-picky, but same sentence, kneed should be knees?
Not defying gravity, things are just moving fast enough and he was moving with enough force that he was still moving along the wall vertically and had time to reverse his vector and jump downwards. Yes knees, thank you.

Quote:

Paragraph eleven. Few things. Firstly "palpable particles." Alliteration used for a greater purpose? Next, I'm a little confused about the void, but he's magical, so that's alright. And the last sentence just sounds a little wonky, I don't know.
Void, more like a lack of anything in the space between the moon and the spot he stood, if that makes sense. I will clarify the final sentence, looking back it is rather out of place.

Quote:

"Feeling the top of the world." Correct phrasing there? Or did you want 'Feeling on top of the world?'
Correct phrasing. Still correct english, just an alteration of the original phrase. He is definitely not rubbing his hand on the north pole.

Quote:

Next bit seems like moonlight not only powers our character but can help heal the earth. Pretty special stuff. I like that theme, you can do a lot with it. Only thing is, I didn't immediately connect the mountain billowing smoke with a volcano. The tl;dr helped there, so I thank you for that.
Hehe. :) Yes moonlight has a special purpose here. I want to go more into it if I get the chance. I will see if there is any way for me to clarify that this is a volcano.

Quote:

There's the dude on the bench as I mentioned earlier. The gestures are mysterious, as I'm sure you intended. Maybe this guy on the bench is another person like our protagonist.
;)

Quote:

Finally, some more nit-picky things. (I could have sworn I had more than one...)
"My perception of time slowed as I build up my concentration." Slowed is past tense, build is present. I know this isn't edited, and maybe I'm wrong, but shouldn't a piece be consistent in it's tenses?
Yes my bad, I will make the corrections.

Quote:

Anyway, there you go. It's something to think about if nothing else.

Happy birthday, Zag. : )

-o24
Thank you again for the excellent dissection! :D

andy-o24 01-30-2013 07:23 PM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zageron (Post 3850454)
Hmm. Not quite sure what you mean here. I intended to portray the sense of nomad/ranger, lone traveller. You made the inference that Zag is really old, and that there are possibly only a few others like him alive. Loneliness would be not be surprising.

Thank you again for the excellent dissection! :D

I misread it. I guess I just ignored the word "loneliness." Woops. The only reason I mentioned food was that the sentence right before it mentions bread and stew. I thought the fact that those smells hit his nose reminded him of not being able to have food or something... It's illogical now that I revisit it. Thank you.

And no problem, man. I wouldn't want to get rusty with analysis. Might come in handy one of these days. Keep the works coming.

-o24

Zageron 01-30-2013 11:15 PM

For Andy: Arbitration
 


Walking sideways down the path to love.
Twisting up to find light, don't miss the flight
right through the double heart, masked in the dark.
Left in the gray plane, hold the ring



Here the heart is up side,
down in the sky the sun is,
sideways down the path to,
hold the ring.


Hold the ring, feed the wasp queen
of hearts, next to the cloud.

Follow the skyline.


tl;dr
**** if i know


Thank you, again, for reading!
Please comment!
Written in 20-30 minutes.

Zageron 02-3-2013 01:30 AM

For Crazyjayde: The Crowd
 
For Crazyjayde: The Crowd

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Looking down on the earth can be done from a number of angles. The view can be a beautiful sphere scape of blue, white and brown when admired from space. Larger than life, and an intimidating fall, from the stratosphere. From the top of the tallest tower, looking down on a thousands ants. A bench, a thousands ants. Perspective changes everything. To see something as the earth, as it is, is relative only to earth. If a space fairing ship flew out into oblivion, and was to return to an upside down planet. Who is truly upside down.

How can 'science' prove the truth of the universe, and how can 'God' declare the truth of it. Who is to say that either are seeing what the universe truly has to show. Think of the sphere we live in, not on. We see as far as light has permitted us to see, because we see from the angle that light offers. What we fail to see are the other sources of sight. Assumed limits of science, and written limits of faith, are ironically limitless.

A child has no boundaries. Flight, underwater venture, space travel, and mean feats of strength are easily possible. Maturity clouds the mind from these simple abilities, leaving the true exploration to their small apprentices. Three coloured felt pens and some vocal chords are all it takes to develop the most powerful weapon known to humanity, yet military forces futilely fight to match it's magnificence.

A tirade, for this is not the purpose. These are simply the thoughts of the crowd, the destination of all children. To breath, to grow, to assimilate. To breed, to teach, to sigh, to die. To drift into oblivion... no, science nor god is able to see where. Once again, the limits.

Ambiguity is inescapable, and clarity would only increase the perceived ambiguity. How can such an abstract idea be brought to paper in dictation, how can science bring the sought understanding. Contradictions bring the plague to the dictation, and science cannot see far enough to bring enlightenment. The children breath, the earth breaths, the galaxy breaths, the universe breaths... but we are at the centre of the lungs. Odd then, that there is no centre in the lungs but in fact a heart.

So looking down on the earth. Are we seeing a home? A spinning ball of rock? A stray meteor that lucked into life? Does the earth not have a heart? Does the earth not receive energy from it's heart? What of the heart it orbits? What of the heart that the heart orbits?

A tirade, though this is closer to the point. These are the thoughts of the crowd, the destination of all children. To breath, to fly. To breed, to die. Remember the heart beats, time is the limit.

Leave the known track. Think beyond the scripture, think beyond the fact. Unable to look down on it, look at the world through your own eyes. See the lungs, living. See the stress, and strain. Where there is 'God' there is dictation, where there is 'science' there is pollution. Look to where there is neither. What do you see?

Not a tirade, the point. Children fly with their hearts, as they grow the heart slows. It tries to keep up, but the body does not need it. Lungs are all. If you breath, you breed. The system likes that. Flying high to the limits, the heart racing behind. Dissipating and dissolving.

What you see is either the oblivion before you... or your lungs, racing ahead of you.

Will you join the crowd?

Or will you fly and die.

--- 1 Hours
Thoughts provoked by the concept sketch by Crazyjayde.
First draft, no editing.

Take from it what you will.
Probably the most abstract piece of writing I have ever written that actually had a point to it.

Sweet Angel 02-3-2013 02:53 AM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
Wow these are really interesting and well written :) Nice work! It makes me want to try and see if I can come up with anything for you to use for writing but sadly most of the stuff I draw is abstract shapes in sharpie/anime/people+animal portraits :(

Zageron 02-4-2013 12:32 AM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
Thank you very much Sweet Angel! I try my best. :)
I'm hoping to get a lot more paintings and drawing so I can try writing all sorts of things.

RNGRX 02-23-2013 07:41 PM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
"hot word porn xxx hentai fanfic" - Zageron @ Saturday February 23rd 2013 5:38 PST in Prochat.

This looks interesting. I'll have to take a read when I have time.

Zageron 08-23-2013 02:07 AM

Re: Zageron's Scene to Short Story Adaptations
 
If anyone has any further interest in creating source images for me, please feel free. :)
http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...d.php?t=128783


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