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m3t4kn1ght 09-9-2018 07:12 PM

Substance abuse
 
Do you cope with substance abuse? Be it drinking, smoking, hard drugs. Basically anything that's effecting your life negatively. Destructive behaviour that may be a cause that may lead to mental and physical health issues.

I feel like I need to humble myself and actually ask for some advice from people that may have experienced it or are still battling right now. I'm scared, feel alone and am having real hard time coping with life.

I've been struggling with severe depression and panic attacks for a while now. Up till the points where I feel I may pass out. Heart thumping and struggles breathing properly. I've stopped seeing psychologists as I've not progressed much since seeing them. My only outlet is escapism in destructive ways. Anytime something went bad I'd grab a bottle of hard drinks and progress my way through it untill I passed out. I drink and smoke joints untill I forget what's haunting me.
I've lovely friends that are always there for me but they're all escapists. Would rather offer me a hug, a talk and six shots instead of anything else. Though I've stopped taking stuff like XTC and mdma I still fell back to hallucinogens every so often. Anything that wasn't reality was my relief.

I've been drinking daily for months and can feel my body screaming. I have no appetite, lost so much weight I look like a 60kg weighing twig. Two days ago my girlfriend of 4 years broke up, and I've not stopped drinking untill today. Now that I have lost my last person to properly talk to I'm left feeling nothing but despair. My job is so tough I drink during shifts without anyone knowing. I've pretty much stopped caring about being alive and started wondering about some bad stuff.

I really just want know how to be happy. I miss it so much, I don't really even remember what actually being happy and content feels like. I've started craving everything that will destroy me to near addiction levels and seem like the only fun in life I can get is from not being sober. I'm only on joints tonight but I want to just cry and throw back a bottle of whisky. I'm not sure I can keep up this life joke

Mahou 09-9-2018 07:17 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
You’ve explained how you feel to us

Have you explained this to anyone else?

123kappa3 09-9-2018 09:13 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
psychologists work you through issues. They do not fix issues. A lot of times when people say they do not work it is because they are expecting the psychologist to have the answers. Knowing what you want is the first step in letting a psychologist help you if you do not know what you want no one can help.

My advice is keep doing what you just did, explaining what your going through. Having to write it down helps to figure out what you want to do next.

You are in control of your life. Figure out what you want in life. Whatever that may be figure out the steps to get there.

Substance abuse is hard to deal with. If you are using drugs and alcohol to medicate or forget all you are doing is adding to your problems. Sure when you are drunk or high you dont have to think about all the problems and you can past the time, but is that actually what you want.

To me being happy means being okay with my life. I am happy when I am reaching my goals. If bad things happen its okay because tomorrow is a new day and I may have lost something today but, I can gain something tomorrow. As long as I have a reason to look forward to tomorrow nothing can bring me down.

One thing you should know is you are in control of your life and if you want to do something different you can. Life is hard but, you are the only one who can live it.

Funnygurl555 09-9-2018 09:38 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
I don't have a chronic substance abuse story thing to tell, but I abused alcohol a lot during my last relationship. My ex was accused (and later found responsible for) rape, and I was dragged into the process. I later found out that someone had assaulted me recently (well, recently at that time), so I got pretty fucked up emotionally and drank my feelings. A lot of people were worried about me. It sucked.

Some advice I could offer though is if you feel like you want to drink your feelings or abuse substances of any kind, talk to someone. Let them hear you out and talk you out of it. I have a friend back at school who was the reason I didn't drink myself into oblivion when I found out the charge was rape. I owe him a lot.

Talking to other people didn't make me stop abusing alcohol permanently, but not only will it help sometimes, but it also feels good to let that steam out. My best friend Jess was quite literally the reason why I graduated from college (this shit went down my senior spring). If she weren't around to hear me out so much, then IDK what would have happened to me.

Hope this helps. I could lend an ear if you like. You're probably going through a lot worse of a situation than I had, though.

mellonxcollie 09-9-2018 10:11 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
I think taking a break, even if only temporarily, will help you to clear your mind.

For me I think weed actually really helps. It gives me that "not in reality" feeling but without most of the negative effects I feel from alcohol or other drugs (never done anything other than mdma and shrooms and prescription pain meds but I hate the way those make me feel). I can still function perfectly fine while high, and it helps me with my feelings.

Do you think it would be realistic to quit everything other than weed? If so I'd suggest you try that. It's going to be tough for sure. But cutting only one thing out at a time feels like a much more realistic goal than just quitting everything cold turkey

samurai7694 09-9-2018 11:26 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Big post:

I can only speak from personal experience that weed combined with my problems just made me care less about doing what I needed to do at my worst point in life so it was better that I went cold turkey until I resolved my big issues. Otherwise, it would just cause me to be under the influence and leak out my negativity to others. Keeping in mind what Raeko typed, everyone has different experiences in general so I'm just speaking for myself. Being in a better point of my life now compared to the past, casual drinking/smoking (assuming not in excess and not with complete strangers) is fine with me. In any case, it's very important to first resolve problems that can be fixed and let go of things that can't be helped. This can take some time.

I am inexperienced with alcohol abuse so I have not much to say here. I think I lucked out in a way, seeing how destructive it was for certain family members of mine and because of that I never resorted to drinking to cope with things. I have, however, heard about and seen from people how bad alcohol withdrawal can be. I lost someone who drank even while they had stomach cancer and it was not pretty.

What personally worked for me when I had my worst days of depression without the use of drugs or comfort of other people is having learned to love myself. I would recall back some good memories, gathering as many as possible and taking note of it. Even small things such as remembering my favorite TV shows/cartoons and then scouting episodes of them online somewhere via stream or Netflix/Hulu or any other option. This made me feel comfortable and also feel a sense of care for myself in a way. The more the merrier: combining the available free time to watch episodes along with my favorite snack or favorite smoothie or anything really. Maybe get back in touch with old friends or turn on an old game console that's been collecting dust for a while. I could also suggest listening back to your favorite music. The idea here being nostalgia and digging deep into your mind to sort of go backwards in time and embracing things about you. Loving myself more and more every day with these solo activities have helped me feel significantly less lonely. Bonus points if those activities are also productive like exercising as one example.

m3t4kn1ght 09-10-2018 05:36 AM

Re: Substance abuse
 
I've talked to others, the problem here is the people close to me haven't experienced the effects of drugs. It's at a level where whenever I am honest about the things I've done, just looking for a bit of advice, they'll be very awkward toward the idea. I have been seeking help to understand peace of heart but the only ones that haven't broken contact due to judgment of drugs are in the same vicious cycle.

I'm not sure if the weed is helping or working against me. It has some relief and relaxation but also enhances my emotional instability. Sleep is the only thing that really helps but the immediate feeling after waking up is so painful. I'll just jump on something to numb up a bit. Be it emotional or physical.

I've tried seeking comfort in old things that used to make me happy but everything is bittersweet. The last stuff I enjoyed fondly is the stuff that puts my ex back in my mind. I can't even enjoy a sunset on my own anymore or even play a simple game of mariokart. I've done breakups before but never truly loved a woman like the last. My brain seems to forget once its under influence, because I can't find any enjoyment in the good things of life.

My biggest fear now is the fact there is no more goal to life. I thought I knew what I was working up to. But it came crumbling down just to expose absolutely nothing on the other end. It seems like all I can do is keep running away with friends that are all figuratively escaping from their gigantic elephants in the room. But I've seen a couple full on break down to not being seen anymore. The structure and discipline have gone just leaving chaos.

The worst is I know what all you are saying collectively are tiny steps to self improvement. I can really see how some of you have had very rough patches and managed to crawl out. It's inspiring. However i just feel like you need the will to do so. I'm desperately trying to get to that point. But the alone feeling combined with everything going down gives me no motivation to even bother. If I'd get hit by a bus today I probably wouldn't really do much effort to avoid it.

I'm just scared of the future I think. There seems to be nothing in it.

ShAiOnEiX 09-11-2018 11:17 AM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Substance abuse is hard I've heard I've only done weed never touched any alcohol or hard drugs so I'm grateful for that. Maybe you should admit yourself somewhere a rehab center or something at that point the responsibility would be easier to handle I imagine.

Spenner 09-15-2018 08:10 AM

Re: Substance abuse
 
The cycle of abuse works like the formation of a real storm. [time lapse of hurricane forming]. I've been in this cycle multiple times, from multiple vantage points. Each time is fundamentally the same, thinking that I need something to distract me from reality. I mean, that's what ends up happening-- I'm really looking for solutions. Trying to figure out ways to align myself with acceptance of how things really are. I could go through my life story of what I've been through, but there's really no point. We've all been through a lot when something like this goes on.

I'm just getting through a point in my life where I'm no longer slowly killing myself several times over-- quite a miracle, really. I had absolutely no idea that change was possible. I guess there are certain times I have the energy to want to feel unstuck, and I try to harness that energy as much as I can.

I feel like a lot of adjustment needs to happen if anything is to change for you. If you have a job that is hard enough that you feel you have to drink during it (I've been through that myself), change jobs. It's unsustainable. If the amount of work is the same, you're not going to stop drinking for it. I feel terrible that I had to quit my job, but I don't know if I would've been able to survive if I hadn't.

Make a list of all the reasons you have for drinking/abusing things, and try to address them. Or at least supplement for them in healthier ways. When you're sitting in an aimless void of your own suffering, there's nowhere to ground yourself. Our heads are full of knots that we need to identify as such, and do what we can to untie them.

Being addicted to so many things really fucked with my head, but I'm trying to be conscious of where my attention is being pulled away from, and I'm doing my best not to let it control me.

Also, you have to know what's best for yourself, and just give it time. When you decide to stop taking things altogether for awhile (do this), ensure that you stick with it for a good amount of time and keep yourself working towards some sort of goal (maybe you need to move somewhere new where you're not constantly surrounded in associations of the past), and just try to embrace becoming new. I'm not there yet, but fuck, I'm making progress finally. Don't ever think about how much work it is going to be-- just give yourself credit for the small victories.

On top of it all, try to appreciate the miracle of existence itself, and try to find ways to connect yourself to the earth. By studying things and exploring things about it, and recognizing how similar we are to the other things that flourish around us. I never feel alone anymore because I'm always with [idk the word].

My first real goal personally, was to try to get physically more healthy so that I was able to feel anything at all again. Eating better, exercise, and not drinking, can allow your dopamine to manifest into something you can actually experience WITHOUT substances.

DNAlei 11-9-2018 12:44 AM

Re: Substance abuse
 
once an addict, always an addict

choof 08-23-2019 05:52 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DNAlei (Post 4655768)
once an addict, always an addict

this is true as hell. I've struggled with various different substances in the past, I'm not sure if it's my "personality" or my mental health issues that make me abuse drugs so badly but regardless, I still kinda fiend for stuff like opioids and cigarettes.

it's really hard to kick an addiction, and you almost never really get rid of it completely. I'll still wake up wanting a cigarette, sometimes I'll hesitate when buying something as a convenient store because I find myself just on the verge of asking for a pack of american spirits. I recently spent some time at my mom's house, watching her dogs while she was away, and when I went rooting around to find some aspirin for a headache, I found some percocets and it took everything I had to not take them.

realistically, the only thing you can do is quit and whenever you find yourself wanting to abuse again, just think of the deepest and darkest point of your old addiction, and really ask yourself if it's worth it.

Funnygurl555 08-23-2019 06:24 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555 (Post 4647966)
I don't have a chronic substance abuse story thing to tell, but I abused alcohol a lot during my last relationship. My ex was accused (and later found responsible for) rape, and I was dragged into the process. I later found out that someone had assaulted me recently (well, recently at that time), so I got pretty fucked up emotionally and drank my feelings. A lot of people were worried about me. It sucked.

Some advice I could offer though is if you feel like you want to drink your feelings or abuse substances of any kind, talk to someone. Let them hear you out and talk you out of it. I have a friend back at school who was the reason I didn't drink myself into oblivion when I found out the charge was rape. I owe him a lot.

Talking to other people didn't make me stop abusing alcohol permanently, but not only will it help sometimes, but it also feels good to let that steam out. My best friend Jess was quite literally the reason why I graduated from college (this shit went down my senior spring). If she weren't around to hear me out so much, then IDK what would have happened to me.

Hope this helps. I could lend an ear if you like. You're probably going through a lot worse of a situation than I had, though.

... 9 months later i go to rehab for alcoholism

good development

formal treatment saved my life though, so I'd recommend it now. but no one can make you go but yourself

choof you make me scared for the day i gotta quit smoking

i started during rehab and i use ecigs now, but i got hooked quick. on the bright side i dont crave booze anymore. american spirits are stupid expensive tho, but one of my rehab buds swore by it. haha hippie (she's not a hippie)

choof 08-23-2019 06:37 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555 (Post 4694944)

choof you make me scared for the day i gotta quit smoking

i started during rehab and i use ecigs now, but i got hooked quick. on the bright side i dont crave booze anymore. american spirits are stupid expensive tho, but one of my rehab buds swore by it. haha hippie (she's not a hippie)

i suppose ecigs are a safer way to consume nicotine?? smoking cigs is one of the worst things you can do to your body lol. i quit cold turkey because i had a pretty nasty flu and figured "well shit I'm gonna be miserable anyway not like withdrawals could make it any worse"

i am very glad you got off the booze though, a lot of my military friends abuse it until the day they die, often by their own hand. shit sucks.

Dynam0 08-23-2019 07:47 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
I've been a functioning addict for about 2 years now (coke mostly, mdma doesn't really do anything for me anymore even in the best cases). Do not recommend if you have low will power. As soon as I get off work on Friday it's go time, then by Sunday at 5am after the worst panic attack / come down I'm convinced I'm quitting. Have anxiety throughout the week so I've started having half a xanax at lunch to make it through the day. Not at all self-pitying, just hope this turns people off from getting into this stuff.

Funnygurl555 08-23-2019 08:08 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by choof (Post 4694950)
i suppose ecigs are a safer way to consume nicotine?? smoking cigs is one of the worst things you can do to your body lol. i quit cold turkey because i had a pretty nasty flu and figured "well shit I'm gonna be miserable anyway not like withdrawals could make it any worse"

i am very glad you got off the booze though, a lot of my military friends abuse it until the day they die, often by their own hand. shit sucks.

yeah they're safer than smoking but they're still bad for you so i still gotta quit one day. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

i'm glad i don't drink anymore either, but i wonder what the rest of my twenties will look like if i never go out. i guess that's the downside of dealing with this shit young. i'm horrible at parties sober

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dynam0 (Post 4694963)
I've been a functioning addict for about 2 years now (coke mostly, mdma doesn't really do anything for me anymore even in the best cases). Do not recommend if you have low will power. As soon as I get off work on Friday it's go time, then by Sunday at 5am after the worst panic attack / come down I'm convinced I'm quitting. Have anxiety throughout the week so I've started having half a xanax at lunch to make it through the day. Not at all self-pitying, just hope this turns people off from getting into this stuff.

'least around the addicts ik heroin + meth seem like the real bad ones to get hooked on, then coke's next. it's good that you're functioning though

aperson 08-23-2019 08:38 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dynam0 (Post 4694963)
Not at all self-pitying, just hope this turns people off from getting into this stuff.

I hope you take care of yourself

Psychotik 08-23-2019 08:57 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
My dad died from alcohol abuse a few years ago, and I feel like I'm heading down the same path. The only difference is that I'm functioning and I have a lot of career goals I'm looking forward to achieving and I'm actively working towards to. The big problem is that I want to value social interactions but I'm constantly alone and have no friends, so I just turn to drinks for fun. It's all I do during my free time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by m3t4kn1ght (Post 4647993)
I'm just scared of the future I think. There seems to be nothing in it.

I very much feel this way.

Riotpolice 08-23-2019 09:07 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
This is for posters that fear the future. Its Hardstyle and some of you may not like it. The lyrics are powerful however. Song had a strong impact towards me, would like to share for this cause:


Substance abuse and addiction go hand in hand.

This is a brutally vicious cycle and most people never fully break from it. Staying strong through dark moments takes mountains of effort.

Aid via another person who struggles with the same I feel can boost your chances of getting out of that dark place.

Be strong, know who you are.

Dynam0 08-23-2019 10:21 PM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by aperson (Post 4695007)
I hope you take care of yourself

Thanks man. It's a weird situation to be in. One day you feel in total control and so you go ham for the weekend, the next minute you're calling an ambulance thinking you're having a heart attack. I always told myself I would stop if money became an issue but now it's more of a mental health thing and I know I've gotta cut it out. It's like knowing you have to do a project and you keep putting it off except if you procrastinate with fighting addiction you're fucked.

choof 08-24-2019 11:20 AM

Re: Substance abuse
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555 (Post 4694970)
i'm glad i don't drink anymore either, but i wonder what the rest of my twenties will look like if i never go out. i guess that's the downside of dealing with this shit young. i'm horrible at parties sober

if you mean you're horrible because the temptation is there, maybe try being somewhat candid and tell people that your drinking days are over, or that you have plans later/tomorrow and you can't afford to mess those up with booze.

if you mean you're horrible because you're sober, then welp I was like that for a few years. work on yourself first and foremost, get your mental (and physical) health in a good place, then seek out people who don't expect or want to drink to have a good time.


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