"Darling" my first love poem
This is my first love poem ever written; if your gonna hate don't. Negative critisizm is fine, but don't be rude or mean.
I remember, my darling, all your singular features Your skin of pale white, your eyes of sharp blue. Your hair was the most fair of all other creatures From that first moment we met, I worshiped you Your steps so light, so innocent, so full of grace I knew that age would rob them of their spring So I decided I must somehow preserve your face To save you from the horror that years do bring My darling, the maggots have taken your eyes Their blue now replaced with deep pools of black I’ve stayed by your side, so let the damn sun rise I wait and I wish, darling, that I could have you back The rot has all but stolen you, but my heart still squirms I'll share you with no one, darling, no one but the worms. |
Re: "Darling" my first love poem
Oh, see I can tell you're being sarcastic because you used 'your' instead of 'you're'.
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
No emoticons.
gj |
Re: "Darling" my first love poem
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
No, I saw the other thread.
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
It's amazing. You'll get laid in no time. It just needs some more comment splicing.
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
You say "darling" way to much and its kind of creepy. You'd freak the poor chick out. The meter sucks and the poem doesn't flow at all. You're use of words are questionable at the least. It to creepy to be romantic at all. Other than that its ok.
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
crawliiiiiiiiiiing iiiiiiiiiin my skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
Yeah it does look like a poem.
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Re: "Darling" my first love poem
trolled.
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