cry for help
 

there's a lot of sadbois here and i'm a sadboi

dont take this as a suicide thread. if that were to happen, i'd let you know. those threads used to give me major anxiety

im just stuck, and desperate, and ashamed, and i dont know what to do. im too afraid to talk about it irl

i have no reason to live anymore though

i dont really know what i want from this except not feeling like im alone. im not even *actually* alone. jess (close friend of mine; plays twg) told me she had my back, and she's a wonderful person. but unfortunately that's not enough rn

also, sorry for making a thread. idk if that sorry is really genuine though, since making a thread requires mental effort and gives you the opportunity to back out. perhaps it's better to say i know this is shit and i feel bad about it, but still, help?

thanks, i don't know.

Re: cry for help
 

It's not shit, and it is good that you feel the community here is a place where you can bring this up. You're not alone. You're known here, and cared about, and respected.

Re: cry for help
 

thank you. thanks feels like an understatement honestly

edit: i have to sideline this feeling for now. some friends told me they're gonna see my standup set tn and it's... unfinished..

Re: cry for help
 

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling that way :(

I don't know you but your words reached close to my heart.

I hope you will feel better eventually.

Re: cry for help
 

update: i talked with my fam and they're gonna try to get me in a facility tomorrow/soon (do not have health insurance through my job anymore 'cause i was too unfit to work; they're trying to figure out how to get me on something)

sorry for this fucking thread. life just sucks though

@shireen thanks man <3

edit2: i still have to do this fking set. ugh

Re: cry for help
 

You are allowed to not do the set. The inconvenience to the place isn't as important as your mental health.

Re: cry for help
 

it'd partly make me happy if it went well, but it's also a lot of mental labor. i don't know what to do

edit: yeah ima do it. like it'd legit make me happy (i wrote partly but fuck that wonky shit). unless i bombed, which is possible, since it's my first time..................... .______________________________________. \0/

edit 2: also, devonin, honestly thanks. i didn't have the best opinion of you based on shit i've heard, but the words you've said(posted?) helped me more than you (might) know, and i'm thankful for that

Re: cry for help
 

eating and sleeping feels amazing

I bring this up cause I always feel on some sort of edge of meaningless existence and or depressed but then I take a nap or get some thing to eat and woopdy doo iam content another day :v

sorry if this contributed 0 to ur situation but really tho take it easy :>

Re: cry for help
 

hey, that contributes! i haven't eaten in a while (i have slept, although sporadically), so i'll make something now!

edit: i often do the depression nap thing too (like when you're sad so you sleep and then wake up happier. i think this is what you were talking about). but recently i've been waking up with a strong urge to die, so i've been drinking to make it go away

edit 2: and that sounds more grave than i want it to be, but i'll be getting help soon which is a plus

Re: cry for help
 

i didnt know you did standup

Re: cry for help
 

well yah in theory a lot of these problems derive from a chemical state in the body or at least that's the way I look at it. sleeping and waking up usually is the closest thing to a reset button but I guess you're body might be in a gradually distancing state to be able to reset itself on a regular basis... hmmm exercise or a good multi vitamin might be able to give you're body some thing do with :U

Re: cry for help
 

depression is weird tho cuz it can be so hard to really articulate what it feels like too, and it has a way of making you feel as if you 'want' to feel that way even though it feels terrible... maybe a product of the nature of life itself were trying to balance moods too uncertainly or another can cause confusion and digress from thoughts or actions that'd other wise bring you hapiness or at the very least peace...

I always like to deconstruct the word depression as being de-pressed or un pressed or even still not 'being' pressed to do anything. and the thought always reoccurs to you "well yah, people can *tell* me what to do but surely all this difficult time I'm having couldn't be *that* simple to fix... could it??" they clearly don't understand me if they think such SIMPLE advice or answers can cure me over night :v

Idk and getting too elaborate or deep might not be the sort of thing that'd help you depending on the kind of person you are, but sparking the conversation with food for thought might help you equalize yourself mentally temporarily.

Re: cry for help
 

i don't! although i did improv in college :)

i used to go to open mics at school and improv a stand up set since every performer got a t-shirt, but those sets were horrible. t-shirts were lit though and i wore them with pride :)

(just wanted to say i got myself to eat something)

over the past couple of months i've been bombarded with advice (that was unfortunately often useless) and messages of "just snap out of it"

so shit, i feel that. i feel being misunderstood. it's stressful for me to talk to people for real (i put up a front that i'm ok most of the time), and it's partly because i don't want to deal with fruitless advice.

the other part is that it's shameful to be weak. haha now im sobering up and am like "tf why did i make this thread". maybe (edit 3 or 4: likely. (thanks for being good sports)) ffr's not the right place for something like this, but i think it's good to admit that i'm weak in general

Re: cry for help
 

I'd bet most of what you've heard comes from people who are on the receiving end of my doing my job as a moderator, and not from people who actually interact with me outside a position of authority.

It's very laudable for somebody to realize they're near a breaking point, and have the wherewithal to make it known to others that they could use a hand. Even more so to be willing to accept help and kind words even from people you had a low opinion of.

Take care of yourself. Get the help you need. The community here is here for you, and we'll be here when you get back.

Re: cry for help
 

it comes and it goes, such is its nature
the hardest thing is how good it can feel
a warm fuzzy blanket made of negativity

Re: cry for help
 

ahhh fuck me..

Re: cry for help
 

You're not alone. Many silently suffer, which is why most of us applaud that you are able to vocalize your feelings, and to reach and seek ways to improve your current situation.

I suffer from horrid anxiety and bouts of depression myself, I've been in some dark places. I've lost friends to mental health crises. So, whenever I can offer support I try my best to give positive advice.

It does get better.
This is only temporary.
(I've repeated these lines in my head thousands of times.)
People care about you.

Re: cry for help
 

Yeah, I've lost people too. But it's somewhat warranted; I become a nightmare when I'm depressed. (e.g. normally have an amicable relationship with my parents, but I made my mother cry when I was really depressed a couple years ago)

edit: upon second thought, you coulda meant that you lost friends from their own mental crises. whoops. reading comprehension isn't my forte

also the standup set was alright. i didn't bomb but i wasn't the best one there either. someone who worked at the comedy club told me i did a good job and was surprised to hear that it was my first time though, so i feel pretty good about my performance. i wanna go at it again in a better frame of mind 'cause i think i can get good at it

i also got offered to switch americorps sites to finish my term (i'm doing a year-long americorps term for a job rn), but idk if im healthy enough to work right now. i really do want to work though. i don't enjoy sitting at home and doing nothing.

the new job site sounds really cool too. my last job was really fucking bad, and one of the worst things was that i was actually hurting my clients through my job. i do social work, so i value assisting people meaningfully. but the new job is at a homeless shelter, and i'd help with rapid rehousing, so i can't hurt people

edit 2: also something that made me kinda... degrade yesterday was that my mom called me a disgrace for having a drinking problem (i drink a shit ton when im sad to help cope). this hurts me as much as it did because i come from an immigrant family, so making my parents proud is really important for me. and for most of my life, i did make them proud

Re: cry for help
 

i think if you did decent unprepared, then you could probably do a really decent job if you watched some comedians that inspire you and then read some news that makes you feel things and turn the comments into jokes or something. idk if thats your style o humour but yeah

Re: cry for help
 

my style of humor is saying really npc shit but looking like an unassuming person, haha. i dunno how to do traditional standup (every time i've tried to make actual bits i've failed). the surprise factor is my friend

like, i repress myself a lot when i post on the forums or else y'all would ban me