I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Goodbye, dry brush,
Crumbling at a touch,
Now brittle, once lush,
But just briefly such.
Now flaming to fly
And unite with the sky,
You're no different from I,
No, not very much.

You never will die,
You never were born,
We both keep alive
As you're keeping me warm.
You flow through my future,
Impacting my path,
And my past flows right into
Your ash aftermath.

Goodbye, dry brush.
Making habit of change,
You partake in the rush
Of returning to flame,
Combusting to rise
And to light up my eyes,
You confine your demise
To mere virtue of name.

With no resistance
And with no fear,
Released, swirling into
The vast atmosphere,
The grand stream unbroken,
Ever-shifting form,
Whispers with white smoke
While it's keeping me warm,

Its essence soft-spoken
Through fiery storm.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

ok so you lit a brush on fire

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

I would hope someone with a psilocybe mushroom avatar would be more thoughtful.

Apparently there are exceptions.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

i enjoyed reading it

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Good to hear.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

At least you didn't plagiarize.

Reminded me of Robert Frost.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Brush can also mean wood, dumbass.

Also, ****ing brilliant as always.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

ok... you can still light wood on fire ...

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

I hope to god you're drunk or something.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

How did you know that when I get drunk I log into FFR and read random poems in the forum?

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

I've got a pretty well-developed intuition.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Obviously not. Oh yeah and your sig looks like ****.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Your sig makes you a hypocrite, so blegh.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

I don't see the resemblance between my signature and four asterisks, but I will take your word for it, as you are obviously incredibly wise.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

tl;dr

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

I love this Erothyme guy, smart, and cocky. That's hardcore.
And as tokzic said, brilliant

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

lol when I read the title I thought it said something along the lines of 'i was set on fire by a notebook tonight'

i think my brains reading things wrong lol, night.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Think about your sig for a second.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Attention span of a fruit fly on heroin.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Delicious. Never read it before.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Simon and Garfunkel? B)

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

I bought my sister a couple S&G vinyls last year, but I haven't actually listened to them. Oh well. 8)

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

They're not that bad actually. The song was used pretty nicely in Watchmen. But again, your poem was Robert Frost-esque. Read it thrice now.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

<3

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Well it certainly sounds nice and the lines read very simply and beautifully. Good job.

1) Try rewriting the first stanza without using two rhymes that use the "u" sound. It sounds very different from the rest of the poem because of that. Just see what it sounds like to you after a rewrite. It will sound more in line with the rest of the poem that way. That isn't to say that it sounded bad. You should use that scheme for a different poem if you wanted.

2) Lines 5, 6, 7, and 8 seem to have a different rhyme scheme in each stanza. I'd say make up your mind and stick to one scheme.

3) Some of the rhymes sound forced. All this means is that you need to spend more time trying to find the right words. In particular:
You're no different from I,
Maybe it's just because there's a grammatical error in there (You're no different from me,). I'd find a different way to structure that line.

4) It's a bit abstract. You do a decent job of emoting to the reader what the metaphors and symbols mean but you can do better.

Overall good job, dude. Sorry it took so long for me to read this. I really liked it. I critique because I love.

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

8)

Re: I sat by a fire with a notebook tonight.
 

Pretty awesome poem. Nice, natural rhythm to it, which I think is what you were going for. There are some little nitpicks in the aesthetic department (which Chaz did a good job of pointing out) but overall it's really good.

Hope to see more stuff from you. I gotta start checking this forum some more.