How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn't Want It That Way)
 

Born on a planet far away, under the parents of an immortal God and an immortal Goddess, high atop a mountain adorned by Mana and delight was Incredilad. His father and mother were perfect beings, incapable of flaws, loved by every one and every thing. There was no poison coursing through Incredilad's veins, for he too was perfect.

His parents, in their ultimate wisdom, sitting high atop that mountain, watched Earth fight, in turmoil over little things. Wars were being fought and it struck sadness into the heart of the great Goddess and God, who finally decided that the best course of action for the redemption of the Earth was to send Incredilad in to help fight off all evils.

And so he flew to Earth, through space, not needing a space suit because he was awesome. He landed, creating a crater that overflowed with green awesomeness and kryptonite. He ate the kryptonite when he landed because he was hungry, and also to show that he would not be subdued by a little green rock. Later that week, he ate Superman, because Superman is a pussy, and then Incredilad had sex with Lois Lane. It killed her, but Incredilad was awesome.

He was living the high life on Earth, flying around, having sex with things and eating other things as he pleased when he received a letter from his parents, reminding him that he was there to stop all the turmoil, and that also, he should stop eating people because that was really frowned upon.

Incredilad took to the skies, saving planes from falling. If things looked bad, if there were multiple planes about to crash, he would freeze time and save them both. He took to the streets, using his super speed to knock out enemies, return purses, and kiss (not eat) babies for local photographers.

He flew through the roof of the bank, stopping the robbery and throwing the men in jail. Jails were beginning to overflow, so Incredilad built more. He also started an excellent release program for rehabilitating prisoners. He was the sole committee member on the board of parolees: His judgment infallible. If a prisoner was beyond rehabilitation, Incredilad would just eat him...

Another reason he was the sole member was that he also looked better than everyone else in a suit. And a dress.

People cheered, and they were happy. Life went on, without fear of danger, and people began to realize how good they had it. Incredilad sat in his office, reviewing parole orders, watching cameras and stopping out to fight the occasional crime.

People began to get bored. They started to uniformly practice civil unrest in the form of grumbling at water coolers about how boring life had become. Incredilad was none the wiser, stopping crimes and reveling in the fact that he was doing something good for the Earth.

One day, he flew through the roof of a bank, again, to stop another robbery. This was odd because there hadn't been any bank robberies in a really, really long time, mainly because if Incredilad was very busy, he would just eat the robbers.

He threw the robbers into the back of the paddy wagon, checking his watch. He had time to revel in the public eye, and so he did, walking back into the bank.

But no one applauded. No one cheered. Everyone was sad.

"Incredilad," an old black lady called from the back, "Thank you for your help... Really... But life is just so boring now."

There was a general feeling of agreement that shifted through the crowd. Incredilad frowned.

"It's not that we don't like you," she began.

"I don't like you," a voice called from the back. Others cheered. Incredilad frowned again.

"Well, alright, we don't like you," the old lady said.

Incredilad held his hand out, walking east until he reached the shore. Sunbathers were the only witnesses to see him disappear. He turned, slowly, and looked back at the land that he was so bent on saving, before walking into the waves and never returning...

For although he had no visible weakness, he did have one.

Rejection.

It should also be noted that the fish never rejected his efforts.

Mal

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

Nice uhh pointless story... It was interesting....

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

I wrote this because of the Superman thread in media, and how he is the most overpowered superhero ever.

Incredilad is awesomer.

Mal

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

Mal: This is the first of your stories I actually liked :) I understood where you got the idea, and I think your sarcasm and wit are evident. Plus, I laughed. So that's all good.

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

Is it just me or does this story had the hitch-hiker-of-the-galaxy-randomness in it? >_>

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

was i the only one surprised at the fact that incredilad didnt eat everyone when they booed him?

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

Best part of the whole story. And I too was justing thinking that Incredilad would eat the guy who said that.

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

I didn't think he was going to eat him, the end was pretty predictable. I pretty cool relax type story, mal, now get back to CreepWorld.

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

He stopped eating babies? But why!
He recieved a letter from his parents? How could that happen if he's speeding around eating people? He'd eat the postman!
And what sort of efforts could he make for the fish that wouldn't disrupt the ecosystem? Tossing oil tankers back onto land, where they would kill hundreds of people but not hurt the fish?
And finally, when he eats everything, where does he put all his crap? Crap on that scale would defile the streets of the world.

You have some serious plot holes here, Mal... jesus learn to write man ;D

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

I'm actually thinking of doing a longer story about this guy and how he meets up with Aquaman... And then eats him.

Mal

RE: How Our Earth Was Saved (And Why We Didn
 

I caught the 'Superman is overpowered' reference, but the ending is kinda sad.

Eating the Robbers? Is that the best thing you could come up with? XD

Says the dude with the Hamburglar avatar :wink: .

It wasn't the ending that sold the ending, it was the way you wrote it. The way you presented how his only weakness was rejection. It was a sad yet enlightening ending. I dig it.