Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

While the idea of such filthy substances being legal gives me the creeps i think it may actually be the only real solution... a portion of the population will always be looking for things to get high to for different reasons. Instead of getting it from drug dealers who fuel the black market, you get it from the state itself and at the same time get educated about the dangers of what you're getting into. There is so much intentional misinformation about drugs and drug effects it's disgusting to even think about it. Smitty, stay strong. I really mean it, you'll get out of this nightmare. And i have the feeling this will teach you a great life lesson shaping what you will become from now on. If you can save other people from what happened to you, by all means do so. That only increases the respect i have for what you're doing right now.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

A lot of this guilt stems from the fact that i gave this drug to others unknowingly. I poisoned my ex gf and a part of me thinks i made her hate me because of it. This k2 / spice made me reach the brink of physically assaulting sarah and i think she still knows that. When i saw her take a hit and literally not be able to speak or move a muscle i became frustrated and wanted to attack out of psychosis.

Knowledge is power. Never stop saying

For the record no i never assaulted her but there were many times i teetered between the edge of sanity and wanted to strike her in the face or was so doped up that i wanted to just walk away for 24 hours and think. There was no relationship while she lived with me, it was all based on k2. Sex, productivity, cooking a meal with someone you love, seeing a movie, nothing is real when youre addicted to spice.

And here goes again. I sit here wondering why high tyde is open right now and i wonder why im not on my way there buying a 6 gram bag of 'pure fire'. Sickening. Just let this pass

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

When I feel an impulse to abuse something, I try to isolate it from the rest of my mind. If I don't, I'll integrate with it. I'll start thinking rationally and start making an argument for doing it. When it's isolated, you label it in your mind as a radical compulsion, and look at it like you would a sick patient at a hospital. Dissect it. Why does it feel so impulsive, this gesture to want to go out and abuse something? Keep it as distanced from your rational thinking as you can and you should be able to keep it pushed aside.

The same disciplines I've used for resisting hunger when eating was not in the equation, physical pain, emotional impulses, all of that have been a result of control by isolation. It might be hard to control your mental heirarchy if you're in a dreadful mood, but do your best to relax as much as you can, so that it's ripe to be organized. Goodluck~ doing great so far.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

i read all of this in complete awe. especially that you got dev pregnant.... poor christan....

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Good morning update. Just woke up i feel less foggy but my head hurts i want to smoke. and there is a shitload of snow on the ground. I'm going to make some coffee and make a snowman haha. I'm sure all the spice shops are closed today so it's a relief that this can be a day that i know everyone won't be abusing / dying.
Poor Christian? Do you not stop Sarah, no you don't, ever. Poor christian nothing, i'm looking at this as a great thing to help drive me out of addiction, not "poor christian".

"I hope you feel better.. i guess"

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Make sure you get the snowman's gender just right, otherwise someone might mistake it for a snowoman.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Make it transgender

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

quite a propos lol

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

It's a pussy excuse for a snowman but whatever i had fun earlier. It is not transgendered. Having kind of a hard time right now with my thoughts i have anxiety and my hands keep sweating everytime the urge comes on to smoke. I called high tyde and hpt and they are both open serving spice all day regardless of the monstrous snow, so sad.
Ive been watching a lot of ultimate factories so far the best episode has been peterbilt.
These men really know what theyre doing on the job it's kind of insane to see. That's been keeping me pretty busy and of course the wii but i'm so burnt out on lego star wars and lego pirates of the caribean that i could just scream. This kid refuses to play wii sports... sigh hangin in there still clean

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Hang in there bro, and instead of obsessing about what the drug sellers are doing, try to focus on other activities. vent a lot, the people around you care and will help you through this. How many days have you gone without?

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Its hard not to think about what they are doing since it's everywhere in my area and it's what all the fuss is about. I really need to move if my gf gets a promotion and moves this summer i will go too. There is nothing in my mind saying a change of environment would be a bad thing. I have been venting a lot i don't want to be a bother if i can avoid that by not rambling as much.
Today has been really weird i'm wondering if i'm getting real sleep at all because things are seeming 'trippy' and colors are REALLY colorful now. Going to go on a tour at the anheiser busch factory with Dev so i forsee me being drunk at some point in the day. It's been 6 days clean but it feels like forever.

Don't smoke k2 one way ticket to hell

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I had a dream sometime this past couple of years that was all about the colors. They were so vibrant and beautiful and full of awe. I've never had any sort of synesthesia at all, so it was a really neat, unique experience.

You can vent and ramble as much as you want...unless you think it's bad for you, in which case don't.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

A friend of mine went into rehab for being addicted to RC-drugs. The withdrawal effects are not even funny to watch when you reach a certain amount (2 pure joints an hour).

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I noticed one of my old friend slow process into getting clean. I remember him as being a heavy drug user to the point of abuse and damage (on himself and the rest). Didn't know the guy beforehand but I remember at some point during his detox some suggested that he should fill the spare time with things he never had the time to undertake.
You know it sounds fucking cliché, but he used to make some pretty awesome oil paintings and was a fervent admirer of Hieronymus Bosch's works. Small coincidence (but then again who isn't fascinated by the man?).

I've strayed far from drugs all my life, but I've seen a few of my friends succumb to the social confinement their lifestyle forced them into. You are wise to decide not to bend to it, but fighting your inner urges requires a shit ton of self-control/discipline, which drug addiction is known to wear out completely. Your social take on the industry is actually quite motivating, and I'm glad some users like you are aware of its influence.
Be sure to seek the proper emotional support, and get the fuck out of this sludgy environment asap.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

If only the government and workforce treated marijuana like alcohol, terrible things like this wouldn't need to happen.

Always glad to see someone take control of their life though.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I am willing to take the heat for this, but everyone in the community was doing an excellent job helping Smitty along, and it was a very healthy release for him. I am going to reopen this thread in hopes that people continue to be mature and aid in his speedy recovery, even if it is just emotionally/mentally.

Zeldagurlfan: if you return to this thread with the same intentions as before, consider yourself banned for the forums for not only inciting drama, but for also having insulting and rude behavior to users and disregarding staff instruction as I am giving you a warning now.

Everyone else, keep up the great work; I'm glad to see you all coming together to help someone out.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

I've been thinking about how to contribute to this thread, but it's been a pretty steep process doing so. I really don't know what else to say other than you're doing a great job at keeping yourself under control, and should continue in doing so. I'm 100% certain this speaks in favor of your personality gleaning itself to one piece again, with success awaiting you at the end of the road.

If I may suggest you another option of keeping yourself busy at a time like this, go for what I call music-hunting on YouTube. Look up new artists, different music styles and what effects they might have on you. There are so many artsy gems out there, it has become a pretty unpleasant feeling to me when thinking of all the people who do not know about what's really out there, even if it rather sounds like I'm (yet again) accrediting my own music taste. But for this music, I wouldn't have been able to keep myself up emotionally. Its impact on me has been this great.

The music I'm referring to is chillwave / abstract or instrumental hip-hop / lo-fi / experimental electronic / new age jazz / ..., made by Nujabes, Flying Lotus, Pogo / Nick Bertke, Uyama Hiroto, DJ Okawari, Vanilla, Teebs, TOKiMONSTA, Gramatik, Mononome, Brock Berrigan, DJ Ezasscul, Amon Tobin, ... the list goes on and on. Also OSTs of games I played way back then and classical music accommodate me in keeping things smooth in my mind.

Obviously there are dozens of different genres that may have the same effect on you as this music has on me, but, try-hard inspirational sentence rite here, I've found the music for my soul and you should too if you haven't yet.

God bless

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Related to Xayphon's post, rCaliberGX VALOR also posted a thread asking people to post music that they feel is cathartic: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...d.php?t=134852

You might find an interest in that as well.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

xayphon pretty much summarized my thoughts on this. though it sounds a bit cliche, music can have a much more profound effect on your mind than most people think.

Re: My depersonalization over the last year
 

Yo smitty, hows it goin?