Flash Flash Revolution - TWG C: ANONYTWiG

It's funny how you bring up Virgins Fiction. I, too, was once a virgin. There was once a time, where I was a happy lad, frolicking through meadows, playing stickball with the other neighborhood boys. We used to go to the swimming hole every Saturday evening and play on the tire swing until our mothers called for us late in the evening.

That was all a long time ago, when we were naive, innocent. We grew up in life, all of us went through puberty. We changed, some of us moved on. We separated. I remember sitting in class one afternoon, staring down one someone who I had recognized. It was one of the boys I used to pal around with. A swarm of memories hit me, I was quickly saddened by the sudden realization I had been all alone since those fond times. It was at this time I decided I wanted to be apart of someone's life again.

I spent many months searching for the right person, hoping to reunite my loose emotional ties with another human being. Countless weekends I spent dating with potential ladies. None of them I felt like really made a connection with me. They all had the same thing in common; they didn't fill the void in my life. After each date I just felt lonelier, more unhappy.

Then, all of a sudden, she came.

Was a beautiful, long-legged blonde with pain-filled eyes and a smile to go with it. I could tell, she was the one I wanted to be with forever. Since I met her, we spent an entire year together, as friends. Forging bonds I thought I would never think of doing again. She had my heart, she had my soul, she was my everything.

One summer we slowly drifted apart, there was nothing for me to do about it. She was off back in her country, visiting family, and I had just started a new summer job. We tried our hardest to keep in contact. It pained me not being able to see her lustful smile and the eyes that made me melt with each blink. I loved her, and I knew it. But she didn't.

It was during this time, I had met another girl. She wasn't special, she wasn't anything I wanted. She was just, another girl. I had met her at a party for a friend. We were celebrating his graduation. I remember, I was only 15 at the time. I thought it was strange that I were there, and she was there. She was only 14 at the time.

Apparently we had hit it off, laughing and giggling at everything little thing we had said. I think it was just the drinking I had done that made me such a way, I really don't think I would have been the same way had I of been sober. But alas, she still fell for me. Unfortunately I didn't have a mutual feeling for her.

For some reason we ended up dating. Things were okay for the time, she was helpful. She helped me stay clean, I was moving on with life. She would make me dinner, and I would eat it.

Then things got serious with her. She had these feelings for me, that I still can't explain. On nights where we would lay on the couch on watch movies, she would look at me with these hungry eyes. Why did they look so...hungry? She wanted something. My innocence would kick in, not knowing of what evil she possessed. One night, she wouldn't take my innocent soft rejections. She forcefully pushed me into my bedroom, telling me things were alright, and that this is what we wanted. How would she know what I would want? I didn't want this!

The next thing I remembered was waking up the next morning, naked in my own bed. The sun shining brightly in my face, I pondered the possibilities. Then she came in. It hit me, fast and hard. What had I done? I quickly realized my sacred virginity had been compromised. I was ashamed, I was saving it. For someone... for someone else I had truly cared more about.

I couldn't take myself anymore. I felt dirty, and unwanted. I was back at square one. Lonely, and unforgiving. I pushed everyone out of my life again, wanting to be alone and miserable. How could I have done such a thing?

Things changed...for the better. She had came back, the beautiful, long-legged blonde had returned to me. Everything I remembered about her, everything I had loved, poured into my heart, and I felt something...something like love. I knew I had to have her. I wouldn't be able to bear life anymore without her. I was lost with her. She made everything feel right, and made me feel accepted.

One rainy evening, after going out to see a new movie release, we had returned to my house, soaked from what seemed like an everlasting downpour. Dripping wet, we quickly ran to the bathroom to dry ourselves. It was at this time, I decided it were finally time to say something. To say what had been on my mind, and in my heart, for so long.

I confessed my love for her, telling her every fine detail about how I longed for her. She understood. She had mutual feelings for me, I rejoiced. I had my love, and she had hers. We were meant to be.

But then, horror struck.

For a month we had did everything by the book. We waited for our first kiss, we waited for our first official date as a couple. We waited to say things like, "girlfriend and boyfriend", and "I love you". We were patient with each other, and it made it seem like we cared so much for each other.

One night, we decided it were finally time. We were ready. We wanted to do it, I wanted to do it. She wanted it the most.

"I can't do this", I had said, with uncertainty ringing clear through my words.

Confused, she said, "But why? Isn't this what we wanted?"

"This is what I've been waiting for, but not like this...not now..." My words trailed on.

"What's the matter then?"

"I...I'm not a virgin!"

She was appalled. Disgusted by what I had said, she quickly left the room. I was unsure if she would have ever come back. Loneliness and despair filled the room, and an emotional outburst of frustration, confusion, and sheer desperation, filled my heart. I lost her, and it was my fault. I can't have her back. I won't have her back. I am not me, without her. She was everything to me...