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-   -   "Angel" My first love poem (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showthread.php?t=108577)

mead1 05-15-2009 05:18 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
You use a ****ing emoticon in the poem.

You use "walking on air".

Eliminate both of these things and it will still be horrible, but not to the point that it's insulting the intelligence of the reader.

edit: it appears you have fixed the emoticon. Good for you.

lord_carbo 05-15-2009 10:12 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnighter (Post 3075206)
How is saying my poem is stupid and uninspired helpful. Yes its cliche. I've heard that for the upteenth time now. I say angel five time. Ok, thanks I actually agree i used angel too much. "If you'd listen to us then maybe you'd be a decent writer. Really, this is a bad poem. It's really really bad." Insulting me isn't helpful either. I'm not the best writer in the world i do it because i enjoy it. If your going to hate or just "give your opinion(bad one)" and not give helpful criticism, then don't I don't care for it.
The poem is littered with cliche phrases. there's really nothing else I can say about it. It's just bad. You need to be a bit more original; give us something a bit more inspired and not completely cliche.

mead1 05-15-2009 10:27 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnighter (Post 3075214)
the same rules apply when critiquing, Thanks :)
It's not very often that I laugh at my computer screen.

dore 05-15-2009 10:33 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
hey at least you got two pages of replies, more than what most threads get in this forum

MDMAngel 05-15-2009 10:58 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dore (Post 3075625)
hey at least you got two pages of replies, more than what most threads get in this forum
It probably is because of the following:

A lot of the posts were from the same people.

There's this trend of trailing off largely from the poem to other posts.



Not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it does contribute to the excess of posts for a weak thread.

Froston 05-15-2009 11:12 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
I think poems are generally pieced together to leak feelings that are unexplainable.
Everything you described was explainable and very simple. Your spotlight was your "Angel" and you used uncreative metaphors to spice up your simple minded thoughts.
Also, you might be implying your girl has bony shoulders thus wings could pop out at any moment. That's one less blow job mister.

Midnighter 05-16-2009 10:10 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
whatever, if you don't like it too bad, it is what it is. For the helpful stuff thanks.

mead1 05-16-2009 10:22 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
you inspired me to write a love poem of my own

MDMAngel 05-17-2009 12:43 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Emotional crap.
Horrible drivel excuse
you complain about.

Midnighter 05-17-2009 10:54 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
I'm glad it was inspiring... if nothing else.

mead1 05-18-2009 12:17 AM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Nah, I actually wrote that other poem for an English assignment last year and was posting it as a mockery, since it contains a similarly repeated term of endearment.

Midnighter 05-19-2009 11:09 AM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mead1 (Post 3077416)
Nah, I actually wrote that other poem for an English assignment last year and was posting it as a mockery, since it contains a similarly repeated term of endearment.
Now you're mocking me. Wow.

mead1 05-19-2009 05:10 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mead1 (Post 3073652)
My initial post was very mean, so I'm going to simply say that you used an emoticon in your poem. If it wasn't already boring and cliche, that alone would have made it unfit for viewing by anyone the poem wasn't written for.
I've been mocking you since about here.

Svaz 05-19-2009 05:21 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
Whoa whoa whoa, where did the emoticon go? that was the best part!

Midnighter 05-25-2009 11:15 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
This is getting dull

Midnighter 05-25-2009 11:16 PM
Re: "Angel" My first love poem
 
thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm gonna be posting some new stuff. they will be poems written before i got feedback on this one so they may be the same, a bit.


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