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sente3
December 18th, 2005, 06:37 PM
I started writing a book and here are the first 2 chapters.




Sauru
Chronicles of a Legendary Hero



Chapter 1: A Hero is Chosen

Once, long ago, there was a mighty and noble swordsman named Sauru. He had saved the vast land of Fargon from many evils. He was cherished by all for his great deeds. But, Sauru had a sinister appearance, so many people feared him at first glance.

He wore a navy blue garment that covered his body, except for his arms and legs, and tapered off the back of his head to a long point. Only his face was to be seen. He had no sleeves. He wore tights on his legs. On his feet, he had brown boots, which were fastened with a steel bar across the top of the boot.

He comes from the Irwant forest. A secluded forest on the outskirts of Fargon. It was almost part of Dresklin, one of the lands outside of the boundaries of Fargon, but it was won as result of a battle between the two lands.The forest is home to only Sauru and four other swordsman who were picked by the gods to train in that special forest and do great things.

The forest is watched over by and guarded by a wise and powerful sage named Nootama. She has the power to cast magical incantations and spells. Her main use for them is to protect the forest and the swordsman who live there. She also uses her abilities to provide the swordsman with shelter and food.

However, Nootama isn't the only sage who exist. she is part of a group of sages, each with there own power of an element. Nootama is the Earth sage, Barooda is the wind sage, Shord is the water sage, and Mushida is the fire sage. Together, their powers make up and protect the Sacred Barrier that keeps the malevolent forces away from Fargon.

Even though all five swordsman were chosen to do great things, the gods sensed a special power deep within Sauru that made him stand out from the other four. So, on the eighteenth of August, Sauru's 16th birthday, Nootama summoned Sauru to her sanctuary, which was not far from the area that Sauru lived. He immediately ran to her.

When he arrived at her sanctuary, Nootama appeared and was silent at fist.She broke the silence by saying "Sauru, there was a new sage brought forth earlier today. He was supposed to be the lightning sage." Sauru just stared. " His name was Parvok." she said.

"What happened to him" Sauru asked.

"He died very quickly, do to the fact that the power of lightning was too powerful for him to control" she answered.

Sauru curiously asked "Then why have you summoned me?"

"I have summoned you to give you a gift" she stated "for your birthday" Then Nootama took out a sword and announced "This sword is an ancient blade that has been enchanted by the gods. It also has the power of lighting, the same power Parvok was to obtain, fused into it as well." Nootama casted a temporary spell which would safeguard Sauru, just in case the mythic blade did not accept him.

Sauru hesitantly grabbed for it and then stopped because he was too scared that he would not be worthy of the blade. Nootama assured him by saying "The spell that i casted on you will protect you if you are not worthy." This gave Sauru the courage to grab for it again. This time he didn't let his fear hold him back. He quickly reached for it and successfully grabbed it! Nootama was shocked and at the same time glad that he held it.

Nootama excitedly told Sauru "Because the blade accepted you, you are now chosen to be the new Hero of Fargon!" Sauru jumped in the air and screamed because he was so happy.





Chapter 2: The Ancient Echo Shield

Sauru's excitement stopped when he looked at the sword and didn't see any lightning. He asked "Nootama, why doesn't the sword have lightning like you told me it did?"

"You will see why very soon."Nootama answered. Then the clouds separated and down came a being that was unlike any other. It landed next to Nootama and greeted her. Then it turned its attention towards Sauru and said "Hello Sauru, I am Parvok."

Sauru said "Hello." and immediately followed with "I thought you had died earlier today. How are you here right now?"

"I am dead, but what you see before you is only my spirit in a visible form" Parvok stated " because I have been sent to help you."

"What have you come to help me with?" asked Sauru.

"It has come to my attention that you want to know why you don't see lightning on the sword. That is the main purpose of me coming."

Sauru responded with "That makes sense because you were the one that was supposed to behold the power of lightning. If anyone could answer my question, it would be you."

"Exactly." Parvok said. "Now, the reason that there is no visible lightning is because it has yet to be released. I have to cast a spell on it to unleash the lightning from within."he said.

"Please hand the sword to Parvok" said Nootama. Sauru did as she said. Then Nootama passed the weapon over to Parvok. He released dim rays of magic unto the sword to suspend it in mid-air. After, He raised his hands in the air and caused a bright yellow disk to appear above him. Then the sword magically floated onto the disk as another disk descended on top of the sword. Then suddenly, everything; the legendary blade and both rings; disappeared.

Sauru worryingly shouted "What has happened? Where is the sword?"

Parvok quickly answered " Be patient." Soon after, the legendary blade appeared in Sauru's left hand. Now it's blade was invigorated with lightning that was spiraling around it. Sauru was startled when he saw the violent lightning that embraced his weapon of legend.

Parvok said "Now, as you can see, the sword has the mighty force of lightning fluxed into the very soul of the blade. That with the power of the gods that it also has, makes it the most powerful sword in the world!"

"Thank you so much Parvok!" yelled Sauru. "This is magnificent!" he added.

Parvok happily said "You are very much welcome." He also said "Consider it a birthday gift. You are now, officially, the Hero of the vast expansion that is Fargon!"

"I will do my best to protect it from anyone who threatens it and/or it's people."Sauru said.

"Settle down Sauru. This is only half of the reason that i have come, remember?" Parvok sternly said.

"Oh yeah. Sorry Parvok. what is the second thing that you have come to help me with?" Sauru answered.

Parvok said "I have come to tell you of the second part of your hero's attire."

"What is it?" Sauru curiously asked.

"It is the Ancient Echo Shield, " Parvok answered. " the legendary shield of the first Hero of Fargon; Gadevrion.

"I have heard of him. He was supposedly the greatest Hero that Fargon has ever seen." Sauru said.

Parvok sid. "That is very true. He defeated the most powerful villain that has ever jeopardized the land of Fargon. His name was Credichan."

"I had heard of Credichan but had never known who he was. Now i do. Thank you." said Sauru.

Parvok said "You are welcome, but we shouldn't get off topic.
"I am sorry." Sauru said.

"There is no need for apologies." said Parvok. "Now, about the Ancient Echo Shield." he said. "It lies in a chest which is to be found in a grove that resides in a small grove just outside the edge of the forest."

"But beware of the fierce troll that guards the chest, "
Nootama added " he is a dangerous and savage beast."

Parvok said "Yes, that is true."

"Do you think I am ready to take him on?"

"Yes, I do expect you to be able to beat him. Parvok stated."you have enough experience and the sacred sword as well." he added. "He does, however, have a small hand axe. You should be wary of this." Parvok warned. He handed Sauru a piece of paper and said "Here is a map to help you find your way."

"Thank you Parvok." said Sauru

Parvok responded with "You are welcome. Now go and obtain the Ancient Echo Shield!"

Sauru had been walking for a few minutes and he was about to exit the forest when Parvok appeared before him. "You are following the map incorrectly, Sauru." said Parvok.

"I am?" asked Sauru in confusion.

"Yes, but it is my fault because i have forgotten to give you the compass as well." replied Parvok. He handed a black compass to Sauru.

Sauru said "Thank you. Now i can find my way. I didn't know that i was going the other direction."

So, Parvok disappeared and Sauru turned around and ran towards the opposite end of the forest. When he reached the exit of the forest, he followed a complicated route and he indeed ended up at the grove, just as Parvok said he would.

Sauru immediately noticed a large golden chest with three horizontal black straps towards the middle that wrapped around the entire chest. It also had a large, distinctively odd shaped keyhole.

He quickly ran over to it and searched th surrounding ground for a key. He searched and searched but to no avail. Then Sauru heard a loud noise behind him, so he turned around. He saw the hideous troll that Nootama warned him off emerge from the underbrush. The brute held the hand axe that Parvok had told him about.

Sauru flashed his blade and rapidly charged head on at his foe. He swung his blade and the troll side stepped out of the way. Then the beast, with a powerful blow, descended his weapon upon Sauru's right arm. It caused a large gash in Sauru's arm, which started bleeding. But its, luckily, wasn't Sauru's arm that he used to hold his sword with. Sauru then tripped the troll with a swift sweep kick, followed by a slash on the troll's shoulder. Sauru then said "Wow!" when he was startled to discover that when he hit the troll, the lightning from his blade stunned it. Sauru decided to use this to his advantage by making a combo of many slashes all over the troll's body. Then, the troll bellowed and burst into black flames, which incited the underbrush.

When the troll had finally perished, a large red key materialized on the ground where the troll had stood. Sauru picked it up and said "This must be the key to the chest." He walked over to the large chest and placed the key in the keyhole. He turned it and heard a clanking sound. Then he opened the chest and called out "Yes!"

He reached in and pulled out a diamond shaped shield. It had a yellow crescent moon in the middle of it. There was a moon in the curved part of the moon, as if the moon were protecting the star. It also had three black triangles near the moon; one above the moon, another to the right of it, and a third one below it. It had a golden border around the entire shield. The whole shield seemed slightly reflective.

Sauru put it in the light that shone through the trees, but it wouldn't reflect any light. This puzzled Sauru at first, but then he remembered a crucial point. It was called The Ancient Echo Shield. He held it up and clashed his sword against a nearby tree. The shield caused even the low-pitched sound from the sword to echo.

Then suddenly a ray of light came out from the clouds and Sauru said "Huh? Whats happening?" Then the light lifted him off the ground and he disappeared. He reappeared at Nootama's Sanctuary. Nootama and Parvok simultaneously said "Congratulations!"

Nootama casted an incantation which wounded Sauru's wounded arm. Sauru said "Thanks you Nootama."

Parvok stated " Sauru, the shield that you now hold has the ability to cause even the quietest sound the become a loud and painful ringing that provokes many enemies to cease attacking."

"But i didn't hear a loud ringing, I only heard a quiet echo." stated Sauru.

"That's because it will only sound like a small echo to you but a ringing in your enemies' ears." Parvok answered.

"Oh, that would explain it. Thanks you." said Sauru

Parvok said "You are now the fully suited, full fledged Hero of Fargon! I Shall see you another time."

"Bye." said Sauru.

"Farewell Parvok." said Nootama. Then Parvok then faded away into the Temple of the Dead Sages.

Mindfields
December 18th, 2005, 10:03 PM
How did you manage to use correct grammar and correct spellings?

sente3
December 21st, 2005, 02:56 PM
For, the punctuation, I basicly just use what sounds right to me. And for spelling, spell check fixes them in Abiword, but i get most of them right.

Lightknight924
December 21st, 2005, 03:02 PM
Nice, yeah I can't get correct grammer, mine sucks. Sente my prequel is out to since I asked you what to make over AIM.

I have a felling that Parvok will come back.

nforcer06164
December 21st, 2005, 03:23 PM
Mindfields, I'm tempted to pull out every random mistake in grammar and spelling I saw in that story.

I found the story somewhat dull and uninteresting, unfortunately. The characters have no personality, and there seems to be no feeling in it. I kept an open mind while reading, knowing what I usually expect from sente, but it wasn't that great. Sorry.

BTW, it's "basically".

MrGiggles
December 21st, 2005, 03:35 PM
It's decent.

The spelling and whatnot are way better then your posts, but the actual plotline and action is mediocore. I guess that word is the one I'm looking for, at least. I think you could use a few more pronouns in some areas, though.

sente3
December 21st, 2005, 03:39 PM
MrGiggles, i had thought of the fact that i needed more pronouns like a day after I wrote it. Ill have to fix it.

Tonberry_Kid
December 21st, 2005, 04:06 PM
What's up with everyone making books all of a sudden?

I think people are trying to be like Mal.

MrGiggles
December 21st, 2005, 04:40 PM
sente3, you have your own book on tape.

Click here (http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=40387)

Afrobean
December 21st, 2005, 04:43 PM
How can you even call that a book? How can you call those chapters? That's like 2 pages worth of a book, and since books are printed on both sides, it's really only one page.

How would you like to buy a book that's one page long?

It's called a short story. Not a book. Not a novel. A short story.

MrGiggles
December 21st, 2005, 04:44 PM
Not if he has around 200 chapters.

Hold your horses afro, lets see the rest.
Besides, short stories on tape doesn't sound as good.

mead1
December 21st, 2005, 05:33 PM
Make more plz.

dAnceguy117
December 21st, 2005, 05:40 PM
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Jesus Christ.

make more plz

MrGiggles
December 21st, 2005, 05:54 PM
Ahh, put all those in just one quote.

Yeah, make more chapters, please.

ruifio894
December 21st, 2005, 10:05 PM
It's good dude, really. Make more.

Tokzic
December 21st, 2005, 10:26 PM
For the sake of entertainment across the internet, continue writing just the way you are. But do it fast, we can't wait long.

MrGiggles
December 21st, 2005, 10:35 PM
For the sake of entertainment across the internet, continue writing just the way you are. But do it fast, we can't wait long.
Request sticky on this thread, to make sure you don't forget.

Bahamut-X
December 21st, 2005, 11:03 PM
It's good dude, really. Make more.

I think it's a stereotypical piece of ****.

PS This is an opinion guys.

Reach
December 21st, 2005, 11:07 PM
It's pretty obvious it's bad. Even as a short story. No character development. No plot development...not to mention extremely lame, laughable plot. Almost no description...rushed...

I have to admit, that voice recording was HILARIOUS though. Omg...I burst out in laughter at the part where he's like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... holy **** you have no idea how hard I laughed.

MrGiggles
December 21st, 2005, 11:38 PM
That's exactly why he needs to make more.

So he can get better at writing and mead can make us laugh.

TheRaiRaiEatsBalloons
December 22nd, 2005, 01:33 PM
So mead can make us laugh.

Seriously, I wanna hear chapter 3 rofl

iggymatrixcounter
December 22nd, 2005, 02:27 PM
Up until reach's post, I thought people were actually liking this story. But I feel that anyone that said they liked it were being sarcastic.

But yea I only listened to mead's rendition of the story. It was funny only because it was bad. Plus there's too much "non essential information" very boring as anything to be taken seriously. But if you wanted to make something funny, try to make it funny because you want it to be funny, not because the story is so bad that's it makes people laug at you.

Mindfields
December 22nd, 2005, 02:45 PM
When there's too much irrevalent information, it means that the author tends to try too hard.
PS laug.

Tokzic
December 22nd, 2005, 02:47 PM
STOP GIVING HIM GOOD ADVICE GUYS.

I mean.

You do it just fine the way you're doing it, sente. <3

TheRaiRaiEatsBalloons
December 23rd, 2005, 10:43 AM
more more more I wanna know the fate of FARRRGOONNN

MalReynolds
December 23rd, 2005, 10:53 AM
Whatever you guys do, I don't want you to help him in any way. That way, he could get better and then you would have to crawl back to the GB to make fun of people violently.

Mal

Grandiagod
December 23rd, 2005, 10:56 PM
Mal you really have something against the GB don't you.

Anyways, Sente, you write like you would talk, try "painting a picture" with your words.

MalReynolds
December 24th, 2005, 09:45 AM
I have a problem with people that continually post in GB that come to CT to make fun of someone for trying to write and then persistently trying to make said writer feel like crap.

Mal

iggymatrixcounter
December 24th, 2005, 07:58 PM
I have a problem with people that continually post in GB that come to CT to make fun of someone for trying to write and then persistently trying to make said writer feel like crap.

Mal

I think I may have fallen into this trend sometimes and apologize for anything that may have seen offensive. I try to remember that people are mostly serious in the CT. But there are some who can never be taken seriously. I wish they would make CT a private thread you had to sign up for or something.

TheRaiRaiEatsBalloons
December 26th, 2005, 01:30 AM
But there are some who can never be taken seriously.

sente3 already insulted music. Now he's insulting literature. I refuse to encourage it.

jewpinthethird
December 26th, 2005, 07:32 PM
Mal you really have something against the GB don't you.

Anyways, Sente, you write like you would talk, try "painting a picture" with your words.

Okay...I take my horse hair brush and dip it in the green paint. I apply the paint onto about two-thrids of the canvas board horizontally. Mixing a little yellow and green together now, I dry brush vertical over the green base...thus giving the effect of grass in the fall time. Etc etc.

God, if a book were written like that in its entirety...i'd be the worst book ever.

Grandiagod
December 28th, 2005, 12:39 AM
Mal you really have something against the GB don't you.

Anyways, Sente, you write like you would talk, try "painting a picture" with your words.

Okay...I take my horse hair brush and dip it in the green paint. I apply the paint onto about two-thrids of the canvas board horizontally. Mixing a little yellow and green together now, I dry brush vertical over the green base...thus giving the effect of grass in the fall time. Etc etc.

God, if a book were written like that in its entirety...i'd be the worst book ever.

Har har, oh I mean LOL.

NessTormented
January 7th, 2006, 07:51 PM
I feel as though the only helpful person to sente right now is Mal. The rest of you should spank yourselves (excluding Jewpin, because he's the only other longtime user i know) just on basic principle.

Einstein was a dumbass in class before he invented the theory of relativity.

Rutherford was considered a halfwit in his town before his gold foil experiment.

Jesus Christ was considered an idiot before he died n stuff.

Not all of us start out big. Not all of us end up big. Point is, stop wasting your time putting people down to amuse yourselves. Grow up, its really...not...that...funny.

Sente, I applaud you for your endeavor into the literary world. Write more because you want to not because other people are being mean.

As for the rest of you, I outta bust out the belt. But I'm a nice person.

;-)

mead1
January 10th, 2006, 09:45 AM
Writing a story does not a future literary genius make.

Also, Ness, we are allowed our opinions on the matter just as much as you are. The point many people are trying to make is if that is sente's "serious" attempt at literature, he's best off steering clear due to lack of originality in his writing, and numerous grammatical ineptitudes.

Lightknight924
January 13th, 2006, 11:55 PM
It was my idea to tell him to post it here originally. Now it's something I regret.