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Dreaming of You...Posted on: August 7, 2008, at 05:23:21pm
i'm lost in my dreams cuz i think of you all the time...i miss you so much that i shred to pieces...we are so far apart...i wish we were right there next to each other...but that day will come but as i wait i will stay pure...you have touched my heart...but my heart hurts each time i think of you cuz i want you with me right now...but..i've lost myself and i no longer know who i am...but i know i love you...
to ddrapper <3Now It's GonePosted on: August 3, 2008, at 12:33:40am
]A Girl Named Lily (Short Story)Posted on: July 1, 2008, at 12:20:58pm
People think that teasing is cool to do, but it's not. Although the person who is getting teased is also getting stronger, but still, it's wrong. For example, read the book called "The Wounded Spirit". In that book, that's the way boys tease. They get into physically fights and the girls do emotional fights. But here's a story about teasing, love, heart breaks that happened to a girl named Lily:LITTLE EMPTY TOWNPosted on: June 16, 2008, at 09:35:52pm
It all started when she was in kindergarten...at first she was alright. She had good friends until a new boy, named Tim, came into her class and of course she was nice to him. They both became best friends, although she didn't really like him. She was actually scared of him in second grade. He would literally punch her in the stomach each time she made a little mistake. (Let's not forget that she lost her Grandfather when she was 6 years old). For 3rd grade she moved to a different school but the boys parents wanted him to be with her. Apparently she was the only one who could control him, for he was a wild child. He would only listen to her, but what saved her from him every once in a while was dance. She had been dancing since 2nd grade. She actually made another friend, Alex. She was glad to have met him because he was nice. Heck he wasn't even violent.
Anyway, in 4th Grade she moved back to her old school and the good part was the boy didn't follow her. When she want back on the first day, everyone in her class liked and missed her. She saw new faces, plenty, and one of the new faces became her "best friend". Her name was Lucy Alva. They both had many, many good times. Lily still attended dance and was still friends with Alex, but she made a new friend. Her name was Jackie and was the in the same grade. About half way through the year, they both made a new friend, her name was Becky. Lily thought that she was going to have a good year, boy did she jinx herself...
Apparently one of the girls from school who is a total B***h was messing with Lucy's mind. She convinced Lucy to cut up her jacket. Which of course she did. This jacket was a special jacket. When she went home she told her mom and her mom got pissed. She banned her from talking to Lucy, but she didn't listen. In 5th grade Alex left dance class and Becky was being stupid with Jackie, they both became messed up. Lucy's and Lily's friendship was on and off. The stupid girl from school was still messing with her and Lily started to feel worthless. She actually thought suicidal in 5th grade. She wrote down how she felt on a sheet of paper so she wouldn't have to let it out on anyone. Lucy didn't know that she felt this way. All the girls and once in a while Lucy, would tease the crud outta her. They would always put her down and make her feel stupid. She had no safe place and was stupid enough to not realize that she can't depend on people to always be with her. In 6th grade she advanced in dance class and Becky was out of class. And Jackie was mad at her...
Jackie started to give Lily nasty looks towards the "End of the Year Program". Lucy, and her whole class, kept treating Lily like crap until the last day of school. There was no way that she could've seen Alex, (he left the group). On the side of that, she had to spend a day with Tim, (Which turned out alright). What more can she do but cry? She actually cried herself to sleep and her mom knew she had these problems but all she could say was, "Be strong." which was true, you have to be strong.
Lucy apologized, but Lily's family no longer liked Lucy. On the day of the program, Jackie apologized too. Then summer ended and 7th Grade came. (Don't worry, she had a good summer...I think). Although, this time one of the girls in her class went to a physical fight with Lily, but she never fought back. Oddly, at this present moment, she has a mark on her shoulder from one of the bruises from that one fight. Lucy and Lily were, once again, friends. Somewhere in 7th Grade, they met some 6th Graders, Aimee, Dayren, and Catlyn. They all became the best of friends, they had their fights, laughs, and cries together. But Lily liked this one person, she never told anyone in her class who it was, his name was Andrew. On March 12, 2007, Lucy's grandmother died, (you see she lost her dad when she was 5 years old and god only knows where her mom is).
Spring break came and Lucy's grandfather suddenly went to the hospital. Lily's family and Lucy went to visit her grandfather. After the visit Lucy cried in Lily's arms. From that point, Lily knew that Lucy was her real friend. Lily calmed her down and her fmaily offered Lucy to stay with them until her grandfather came out.
But poor Lily, Lucy knew Lily was deadly afraid of balloons, so Lucy chased her around the house with balloons. Lily locked herself in the bathroom and had the phone in her hands. Lily immediately called her mom as she cried. She told her mom and her mom said, "Tell her to stop, that it's your house, so she better listen!" Lily hung up and as soon as Lily walked out, Lucy apologized. Lily was so scared and upset that she tried to cut herself, but Lucy stopped her. Lily locked herself in the closet til she felt better. After she came out, Lucy and Lily went to talk to Lily's boyfriend, Todd. (Andrew was out of the picture). They had been together for about 2weeks, and she was glad that she finally had someone who accepted her. It was Thursday so Lily had dance, so she took Lucy to dance class.
Lucy's grandfather finally came out, but Lucy kept wanting to go to dance so Lily kept taking her. Eventually Jackie got jealous and started to give Lily a guilt trip. Lily got really sad and Lucy tried to cheer her up. Until one day, Lily made a mistake and Lucy got mad. (This happened at Lucy's house). Lucy began to cry, (Lily accidentally broke something). Lily got so mad at herself , so she walked into the kitchen and cut herself twice. She walked back to Lucy's room and Lucy saw the cuts. She started to worry. Lily said, "I didn't break it on purpose. I would never hurt you like that, I'd only do it to myself." Lucy realized that Lily was right, Lily had evidence that she would only hurt herself. Lucy forgave Lily.
Lily was afraid to tell her mom about Jackie because all her parents did was yell at each other. (It had changed a lot since her sister left, so Lily would cry a lot). Finally Lily told her mom and her mom said, "Foget Jackie." Lily was so confused, but now school ended and Lucy stopped coming to dance. Although Jackie would still act as if Lucy was still in dance with them. Lily finally went up to Jackie and said, "Look, I'm sorryy, Lucy was my guest here and it would be rude to not be with her. And i did look at you to say hi, but you never looked at me, or I didn't see you look at me." Jackie understood and forgave Lily. Jackie told Lily about her boyfriend. Lily knew that Jackie's mom didn't know about Jackie's boyfriend, on the side of that, Jackie was changing so Lily was afraid that Jackie would stop hanging out with her because of her boyfriend. Lily told her mom and her mom told Jackie's mom. Lily made a hug mistake. Jackie got mad and Lily explained to Jackie why she told her mom. Jackie said "Yeah, well your mom told mine, but why didn't you come to me first?" Lily said, "I was scared to talk to you about it. I didn't know what to do. I was just scared." Jackie forgave her again. (This all happened on the first week of summer 2007).
CHAPTER 2 PART 1: The Rest of Summer 2007-2008
The "End of the Year Program" came and went well. Her group split apart because the ex president from 2006 was threatening the group. Around mid June 2007, Lucy made a huge scar on Lily. Since Lily wasn't going back to her old school, Lucy posted on myspace, "If you hate Lily then add me". Lily cried for hours when Aimee and Cathy told her. (Lily doesn't have a myspace). Lily was banned from seeing Lucy or Cathy (Cathy added Lucy on myspace). Lily's parents took both girls home and as for Lily, you could say that she didn't have any expressions on her face...By then, Lily almost ran away from home. She had about $100 and was ready to get her clothes. she was on the phone with her friend who begged her to not leave. Lily was convinced to not do it.
Eventually, towards July, she made new friends, there were different ages, 14-27years old. Of course Lily didn't care (online game). At first her friend, Matt was there for her...then she met a guy named Dylan. She liked him and he liked her. (Todd was out of the picture, she hadn't heard from him for 2 months, and she kept sending him messages, but he never answered). They got together but Matt didn't trust him and he didn't tell Lily what he thought. About 1 weeks later another guy came in and liked Lily. She also kind of liked him. She was confused as the two fought for her, but Matt told her that he surely doesn't like the other guy. Lily took his word and stayed with Dylan. Unfortunately, a week later, Dylan broke up with Lily for another girl. Of course Matt was there for her, but the more Matt was there, the more Lily felt better.
Til...one day...Lucy had to come to Lily's house so Lily could get some movies back from her. Matt was gone for 2 days and didn't expect him to get on. Jared was there but he did nothing. Lily warned all her friends about Lucy and they all didn't like her. Another friend, Steven, was there when Lucy came. Lily, at first, was scared, until they had a bunch of fun. Lly didn't stop laughing or smiling...as she had fun she thought, "Is this the girl that mde me a cake for my birthday? Is she the one i shared food with? Or shared my secrets with?" She eventually answered to herself, "Yes it is, but the evil girl will take over her again after a few days." Lucy had to leave and Lily knew that she was never going to have fun or tlak to Lucy. Lucy left and Lily began to cry again...she started to cut herself again. Matt finally came back but Lily never told him what had happened. But she never realized her feelings towards him...she never realized that she actually loved him...but she knew that he had a girlfriend...she never told him so nothing happened.
Steven came along the lines and Lily realized that she liked him. Her friend, Stacey, got them together. Lily was happy, but it didn't last long because Lily and Steven didn't really see each that much. But suddenly, Matt was miss treating Lily, he acted as if she was a thing. Lily cut herself again, and ever today, she still has her scars from the cuts.
On September 15,2007, her old crush from 7th Grade died...she cried...of course Matt wasn't there. Steven and her still spoke, but she still loved him...until Todd messaged her back. She had thought that they weren't together anymore for it had been 5 months since she had heard from him. He kept saying that he loved her and she was confused. She told Steven about Todd and he got a little upset. Just seeing Steven like that made her break up with Todd. Aimee, her old friend, was there and Lily cried in her arms. Aimee called Steven saying to never talk to Lily again but Lily yelled in the background "no!" Aimee hung up the phone as Lily walked into the kitchen and picked up a knife, ready to stab herself, but Aimee stopped her. Lily thought she didn't deserve to live for she hurt so many people. She realized that if she hadn't lived, then people would have better lives. She also wouldn't have these problems. Besides, no one wanted her, well it felt like it to her... A few weeks later, Aimee and Lily were banned from seeing each other...
Although Steven heard Lily yell no. Steven and Lily still loved each other. And her friend, Jared was now becoming a jerk and his brother was being nicer to her. Lily cursed out Jared and he apologized to her. (She also started to like this other guy a little, his name was Ryan.)Also her friend from school cried in her arms because she was scared that she will never see her dad again, (by the way, those who pray, please pray for Lily's friend). Lily looked at her friend until she had a temptation...she never had this feeling though...she wanted to kiss her friend. (Her friend is a girl too...) Lily backed away and calmed her friend and left. She also heard from Todd and they both said that later next year or something, they would get together again.
Around Christmas, Steven got together with a girl. You see, Lily never knew until she ran into Matt on a different game. At first Lily treated Matt the way he had treated her, but Matt kept saying sorry. Lily forgave Matt and confronted Steven about the girl. He told her that he wasn't with her anymore. Lily stopped talking to Steven for a while and ended up with some other guy, Brandon.Matt found out and he told her that he loved her the whole entire time, and Lily still had those feelings for him from 6 months ago, she just hid them the whole time. She broke up with Brandon, but Lily and Matt didn't get together until mid April. And Lucy was still attacking Lily by prank calling her every once in a while.
Around the end of April, Lily's sister was in the hospital, Lily and her mom traveled, leaving her brother and father alone at home. (Lily was sick that day so she skipped school and her brother was at school). Lily tried to be strong for her mom, she really did. The most hard part was seeing her sister in the hospital.Lily eventually had very little energy everyday, and always used it up on her mom. She did talk to Matt telling him what had happened. Matt tried to calm her down and telling her that she could cry right in front of him. Lily wanted to cry, but she couldn't for she had locked up her tears just a few days ago. Lily also talked to her friend from school. Lily didn't know why she told her friend what had happened, because she doesn't trust anyone that much anymore, only those who were there from Lucy's last visit or those from before. (Just Steven, Matt, and Todd). Lily still doesn't like Jared.
Finally, Lily's sister got better after two weeks of skipping school. Lily went back home and all her "Friends" missed her. Her teachers told her to not worry about the work. Lily felt relieved at everything, Lucy also stopped called....Wrong again, apparently Steven found out about Matt and her being together. Lily had called him the day she got back to tell him but someone got to him first. Lily tried explaining, but Steven didn't want to hear it, so he didn't talk to her for two weeks. Lily's mom went back to her sister because she needed help over there. Lily broke her chains that locked up her tears and began to cry, she didn't want her mom to leave.
On day Lily was able to call Steven, he told her what he thought. She was so confused...Matt's hiding something or...is it a rumor...Lily never found out. She even talked to Matt about it. At first she wasn't sure if he was telling her the truth but she knew that Steve wouldn't lie to her.
The day her mom and sister were coming ho me, her brother cursed her out. The rest of her family came home and Lily literally walked out of the house and was gone for one hour, but when she came home, everyone was crying. She told her sister what had happened. Both sisters were crying...
Next day Steven said he doesn't trust Matt, and she found out that Ryan had died in April. Lily was so shocked that she had trouble breathing. Now just hearing the song “soldier boy” makes her sad. (Ryan and his friends made a video with that song a long time ago)
Things got better for a while, but then her brother locked himself in a closet. Again, everyone cried and Lily walked out of the house again. She came back home and everyone else was calm...she knew she wasn't.
Lily broke up with Matt for a few days...she wanted to get things straight in her life. She knew she wanted to be with Steven. (Still today, she sometimes does want to be with Steven, but she's still with Matt). Lily told Steven that they were apart and Steven told her that he loved her in a very gentle voice. Lily had never felt so calm before...but... Lily got back together with Matt and told Matt that, yes, she still has feelings for Steven. (Hey she wants to be honest). She also told Steven that they were together again the day it happened. Eventually, Lily and Steven stopped talking for a while and Lily ALMOST got over Steven but then she loved him again. The thins is, Lily knew she got hurt a lot from Steven. He's liked or loved a lot of other girls when he said he loved her. She started to feel like she can never make him happy...and what's worse...she was scared of him but not anymore. She told Steven that she loved him and told Matt that she told Steven what she felt. She was still with Matt and she knew what did was wrong...but Matt also said that he kind of liked this other girl...oh god...
on Saturday, 28th of June, Lucy was on the go. She was going to the same school that Lily was planning to go to. At home, around 10pm...her mom, dad, and older sister were yelling...her brother was at work. Lily was in her room, crying and holding on to her teddy bear...(Yes she has a special teddy bear) The yelling got so bad that she started to shake from fear. Lily got up with her bear, got the car keys, walked outside to the car, opened it and locked herself in the car. She still help on to her teddy bear. Her mom came out looking for Lily, but Lily scared her by opening the door. Her mom help her, but noticed that Lily was breathing fast and felt her head pounding. Lily must've had a bad fever, but her mom gave her medicine and she dozed off immediately. The next day, Lily talked to Matt. Lily felt better, but her mom was still hurt, (Her dad accused her mom for not caring, what the hell is that about?)
July 1st, 2008, Lucy called but Lily didn't answer, Lily hated Lucy now...although she expects the unexpected. She now awaits July 4th , the day her sister leaves. The next went well, but on July 3rd, she had dance class. Her sister was trying to help Lily how to do this step and that step while Lily was dancing. (Earlier, Lily and her mom tired to apply Lily to a school that she really wanted to go to, it was a different school from the one that Lucy was going to. The principal said that most likely Lily will not make it in, but the reason why she might is because she 4 ½ high school credits. After that, Lily went to sleep and when she woke up, she had to leave to dance immediately). Lily got mad because everyone was pointing out her mistakes, she was already in a bad mood before class started but later she apologized to everyone for the way she acted. Class ended and she went home and went to sleep.
July 4th came and her sister left at 11:55a.m. Somehow Lily didn't cry as her sister left, but Lily knew that her mom was crying deep inside. So Lily went to her mom to comfort her. Lily kept saying, “Just leave her in God's hands, she'll be fine.” even though it was a holiday, we didn't celebrate. It was too sad....too lonely...especially in Lily's room, her sister had slept on the extra bed in Lily's room. It was too empty for Lily...it was too sad for her to just watch tv or read a book in her room. July 5th lily saw Aimee, it shocked Lily at first to just see her, but after a while, Lily was smiling and talking to her friend, Sam. He's really fun to talk with and later his friend came up to Lily and said, “So you and Sam were flirting?” Lily says, “No! We were throwing insults at each other and having fun.” then his friend and Lily started to throw insults at each other too. She had fun but when she left, she had never realized that maybe Sam and her were flirting...she started to blush but shook her head no. she loves Matt, so she stopped thinking about it.
July 6th, went well she didn't do anything but stay home. July 7th, she went back to school. She's getting ahead in school...and doesn't really have anything to do in the first few weeks of summer. When she got on the computer and checkered her messages. She expected to have nothing but she got a message from Steven...just hearing from him will make her think of him for over a week. Then she looked at Todd's page. He had been betrayed so Lily messaged him saying, “What happened? I mean, if u don't mind telling me because you know I still care for you...” Lily never really got over Todd, but she knew that they couldn't get together...she still had Mat...plus she doesn't know if Todd feels the same. She had tried many times to get back with Todd...but nothing...Matt had just gotten a job.
July 8th, Lily was getting out of school early to go to a water park, where she nearly drowned at. A life guard didn't save her, she saved herself. All the water went down to her lungs, she was still in the water, and she knew how to swim. She finally swam to the ladder, (the water was 12ft deep). She now knew that she was not going on that ride again. (When she was 4 she almost drowned from a kiddy ride, but lily still had fun from all the other rides. She actually met a Junior there that thought Lily was a Senior or maybe a Junior. Lily thought oh what do I really look 17 or 18. around 5:3- Lily left the water park. On her way home there was a bad storm, she got home and did her homework.
July 9th, Todd messaged her back saying, “What does it matter? Everything I care for rottens. I hate my pitiful life.” she answered back saying, “Please don't give up please, don't think that way, please!” and now she sits here...writing this story...to see what is next for her life...and somehow she has locked her tears away again. Her parents have started to argue again after her sister left...but hey its life and she looked back at her past and realized that its not as bad as it looks...but to her...going though it all was hard...but others have it harder. Today she realized that never really got know her grandfather and now she wishes she knew him. She hears her family saying he was a good man...but now she waits to die and meet him in heaven.
I made this story in class, i was bored and i still am in class so it's not all that great, i didn't proof read it or anything, it was just blah.
p.s this story isn't really all that bad in teasing but it still hurts the child who gets teased. really it does, put yourself in her spot. and besides this is just the beginning.
1.The One Just for MeLittle Empty Town.Posted on: June 16, 2008, at 09:35:17pm
In that town, there was nobody there. There's houses and lights in the windows too. But no one walks the streets. I look through the window...there was a human. But it was with the thing. I looked in other houses. They were with “the thing”, just as I thought, the town was the same as all the others. When they're with “the thing”, its fun. More fun than being with other humans. So no one comes outside anymore. There's no one in the town. I'll go on a journey. I'll go to another town. And I wish that someone would find me. Someone just for me. But if that someone just for me would love only me. Then that...that would be the time for that person just for me and me to say goodbye. But even then, I still want to meet that special person. With that thought in my head. Today, once again, I walk the abandoned town. For what reason do these tears well. It's not to know what sadness is, to watch over you...to wait for you. Just playing the role that someone made for me. Everlasting bubbles, quietly embraced. In a seashell...just like a pearl. Starting now, you already the movement that is my life. For whose fingers do I allow these tears. The feel of love's touch...someone who'll understand me. When I wake up...when I remember. If it was happiness, it would be better than anything. But when a dream changes into reality. A painful, invisible thread is tired. And once again, now you are blindingly bright, like life. The trembling future....the engulfing past. Protected in your hands just like a pearl.
2.A Person Just for Me
Just as I thought, there is no one in this town. Humans are all together with “the thing.” They never wake up the fun dream that they have with “the thing.” The time spend with “the thing”. A dream. A brilliant time. Like a dream. The thing can make anything come true.they make everything just the way the human would want it. They because just the way a human would want it to be.the thing is not a human, so they are able to become a human's dreams. But there is something that “that thing” cannto do. The thing can not turn into a human. It can be a substitute. But it can not be a human. I know this very well, I know. A person who would love me, even if they couldn't make my dream come true. Today, I still search for my special someone. Just for me. Someone who loves me because I am me. But the me inside of me says, “is there really such a person? That kind of person. I wish would exist. Would they really like me for who I am? I wish it would be that way. Would that person really want nothing from me?” I say “If they don't love me for who I am. Then they are not the special person just for me.” “Really?” “Really.” “Do they really exist?” “Really” “Then where?” “Probably right beside me, not somewhere that far away. There exists...someone that I can love.” “But what if that person doesn't love you? What would you do?”
laughing voices, far away under the cloudy sky. The usual way home. I hummed the same tune. Our interlocked fingers would never came undone. A truthful path anyone would have believed to make time stop. Summer comes, autumn comes, winter comes. And then spring comes. It's happened countless lines. Every time, you were on the other side. And on thy bridge. I was smiling. Being together was so sad and painful. I looked away from the tomorrow that would pass me by and hummed back. It's not like everything would disappear. But keeping my back to the footsteps left behind. If time would not turn back, then I will leave...everything behind. Falling in love, dreaming dreams....even tears will always be hostage. Not being able to control my feelings. Falling apart. But next time I think and don't we all believe that? Humans and it... summer comes, autumn comes, winter comes. And then spring comes. Its happened countless times. The time, under a sky I've never seen before. You're probably living. As I keep watching the never ending sky.
writes... at 8:11:49pm on 3/13/08
Second person to post on your wall.
First person to post on your wall.