~ A look into my soul and mind. What I beleived.
-december 14th 2005









The blunt truth is that life is based solely on pain and humiliation The world has become self-centered and people only live to benefit themselves Yes this is the truth no matter what anything a human does, anything, it is to solely benefit themselves. When you think of life many people think: happiness, life again, living, well life is a never-ending trap designed to kill, in the end that what it boils down to: Death. People all live in hopes of becoming something, but me, no. Many people think of life as a cherished thing, but it isn't, it's only here to kill. To me every year that I live, that only means I'm one year closer to Death. Many know this truth and cannot live with it so they commit suicide, that's a weaklings way out, you must keep the darkness inside so one day you may release it and kill all. It is the truth, for me my life is an never-ending pain, no matter what I do the pain continues, but I have chosen to accept it for I am in a spiral of darkness and pain forever to remain this way. No one knows what it's like to heave yourself dead inside like I do, the pain continues to grow and consuming my already corrupted soul, in the end it all ends up to death.

The unspoken darkness that lies within us all. The time will come when humanity will accept its fate: Extintion by the hand of death. The final day of man is feared by some and embraced by others. Without death we cannot face reality in its whole with the time death and darkness shall embrace all. Me. I will probably be alone for all my life. For those few who realize the truth of this can and do tend to seclusion, many are like me, no friends (not that I wish to have any.), no one who understands them and can comprehend the matter at hand. With that in mind my life is thus a cycle of pain and loneliness, embrace the darkness and you shall be rewarded with the gift or realizing that the earth will end and no matter if you are alive to see this or not, it will satisfy the way we see things in all. Time will cease to exist for time is not merely a line, it is faceted, all time is happening at once and we can only see and understand one facet at a time. Humans may be the dominant species on earth, but that will be short lived when humans fall and the earth will be soon again able to kill mercilessly.

Same for me no one will ever stop giving me pain, no matter it be physical, mental, or emotional, the pain will last thought my life. Through my life my mind has been corrupted and shattered. Every time I go to pick up the pieces I'm kicked when I'm down. I continue to wonder why I eve live and think of many ways that life sucks, but no one is here to stop me from dieing, no one to fall back on, so ,this life of mine may suck, but as far as the people around me know it's just their job to make it worse. It seems life is a concept to long for me, my day will soon be here and I will rejoice in my release from this fake world. This way I can go back to hell, a much happier place compared to this, where I came from. The time keeps ticking, my heart and mind are no longer important. My life has no purpose or meaning whilst my death will bring a new era for me. The soul of the damned shall parish from time and be forgotten. AS is with all life. The social status of a being determines the worth of ones being to other, the time seems to die with ones self-respect. I wish I could disappear from the face of the earth, no one would care, no one will worry, no one will remember.

In all my time I will probably be remembered as the kid who no one knows, no, I won’t even be remembered. Time seems only to exist in the mind. The human mind puzzles me, people seem to derive pleasure from others pain, without people like me none would be happy. It seems that others stay happy by keeping me tormented and full of pain. So I guess my existence does have meaning: to keep others existence verified, because others seem to verify themselves or boost themselves by lowering me. With this in mind time itself seems to torment and rip me from piece to peice. Within all minds is a way to escape reality, some hurt themselves others sing, me I choose not to escape the pain within the space provided for me. I cannot contemplate the reasoning of others. The mind seems to die and kill itself for mere pleasure in this never-ending hypocritical world. We truly want to see time seep through. The reasoning of the self seems to show culture within a crystal or prism.

With this in mind it is said that human complexity was derived only to kill and torture. People have mad faith and continue to rapture on. People wish for a “world peace” in order to justify the immoral actions of others. Many try to escape reality by believing in a divine hope or “god”. Well this hope is a false hope only to lure those who are insecure of the sacrifice of themselves. Others use drugs to escape, to get a false sense or relation. I wish people could see my thoughts and realize that life is hell; there is no place to go after we die, no “god” to resurrect us. WE are there, we are dead in that hole in the ground, no escape, for earth is nothing but a giant hell designed to torture all, but it seems to put more on some then others. Another point is human justice, people are guided by emotion and caring, well if this world were not so corrupt we could live, but that to me would be a sad existence. The human endeverem for life is a sad realization of consequences untold.

Morality is a concept that many have lost. The world rips those in two and bleeds them dry. Blood seems to be in every asset of things, we bleed therefore we will kill and be killed. We stop to hunt and burn those who oppress us; we cut and slice at the thoughts of the people who cannot end the suffering. Time passes and yet we grow, but we do not change, through time we hurt and are hurt, but we may, and are in an apocalyptic time, within all is the desire to kill in some the desire is stronger, in others they ignore it. This desire to kill may grow old and it may erupt in those people. WE label them and put them away, but you must think of the cause, you must know the events leading up to the massacre and the slaughter of the deathly threat to one, if time were to cross with mind. Soon T.G.R.O.D. will show (The Grim Reaper of Death.) and take the souls of all. Within life is death, within time is hatred, within all of us is the will to kill, to take the life of others and end the period of man and peace torn from the heavens in order to die.

These consequences are irrelevant to those who truly do not care of the life and time with the T.G.R.O.D and kill all. Burn and pain will envelope the souls and turn the time to hell itself, but one cannot mark or example hell as I, for I or me live it day in and day out, this challenge seems to be never-ending. Time has changed and broken those who cannot accept the change. Violence is the key to life, without it the human race would not even exist. Again pain seems to keep humanity alive. It’s a tough choice, get rid of pain and all human life would collapse or keep pain and the human race continues to live. But I would sooner eradicate the human race over anything. This race of disease and famine, full of greed and corruption even though this race is intelligent it deserves to die and be erased from time itself. In the time of Decay only those advent ones will survive. The children of hell.

If you love someone
With all of your heart
To have that love stop
Is a fate worse then death
To live after it stops
Is like to live like a shadow
Of what you once were
Never the same
Never again
A hate replaces the love
And the purity now lost
A heart and souls scarred forever
With a mind scattered alike
Never to love again
Only to shut it out
A light not seen since then
Forever to never
Love again

When you love openly.
It feels like neverending happiness.
When you hide your love from another.
It feels like eternal torment.
To never speak those words.
Longing and biting to get out.
The pain and angst holding them back.
Only three words.
Yet the cause so deep a pain.
Fear and worrys arise.
The words choke in the throught.
Why must one hide a love so true.
So simple words that of " I love you."
These words can bind and tie.
As well as set free.
But to me these words are hidden.
Never to be spoken free.

In my sleping dreams.
I see my love true.
But the face is a blur.
And I cannot hear a voice.
I know my love it that.
But I cannot see clearly.
My vision is wrong.
My love true.
Longing and wanting to be with you.
But alas I cannot see your face.
Who's face is in that place.
Who is the love of mine.
I look upon around me.
And see darkness and light.
My love is the dividing line.
As I ponder the choice before me.
Which way shall I take.
Yet my love stands there.
Like a broadin statue.
Could my love be anyone.
Questions race in my mind.
And I look upon that line.
Who
Is the love
of
mine....

While a razor's on my stand.
I sit with a broken heart.
Blood deep in my veins.
Begging to get out.
Bitter tears in my eyes.
AS I sit and think.
While the razor's on my stand.
My heart is scarred and ripped.
The blood growing cold.
My life before my eyes.
While the razors on my stand.
My heart deepens it sorrow and I weep.
A soul torn by hate and darkness.
With no will to live on.
Only to perish from this earth.
While the razors on my stand.