9th Official Tournament: Round 6
DIVISION 1 – Pokemon battle imaging – No.3, Y.W
CarrotCake94 was a patient person, but LotarrMotarr and DefconZero’s bickering was pushing even her to her limits.
“For the last time, I did not piss myself crossing that infernal bridge!” roared DefconZero.
“Well, if that’s the case you sure sweat a lot around your private parts,” laughed LotarrMotarr.
CarrotCake94 turned around. “Guys, think about your common ground! You’re on the same team. We all capitalize our names strangely. Can’t we get along just for a few more—?”
“Uh, guys?” Master Aqua chimed in. “I think we just stumbled on something really big.”
LotarrMotarr caught his breath. “What is it, Master Aqua?”
“It’s the Champions’ Stadium,” said Darkbird, speaking up for the first time in days. He hadn’t taken the casualties from last week’s expedition very well. “Something is wrong. The organizers wouldn’t have led us here unless…”
Memories of his old life came flooding back. Before his parents had sent him to military school, he had spent his nights plugging away as his Gameboy (only 90s kids would understand this reference). At the young age of seven, he had collected 149 Pokemon and trekked all the way to the end of the game, but the moment he butted heads with the first boss Pikachu had died on him, the cute bastard. Sadly, that was the end: in a fit of Kool-Aid-induced rage he threw the Gameboy across the room and it never worked again.
If history was any indication, there was a good chance this stadium was the end of this journey. Only this time it wasn’t Pikachu that was in danger.
DIVISION 2 – Railgun, Blue Stahli
The first thing SureWanda heard when he woke from his drug-induced stupor was a cry of bewilderment – pain.
The second thing he heard was a short, harsh burst. Something punched into his stomach and he screamed. A familiar face entered his view. It was the bartender from the Irish pub, sneering as he brandished a miniature railgun (if such a thing could exist – let’s assume for the sake of storytelling that it can). Then he realized his mistake: there was no reason for the Tournament organizers to grant anybody a reprieve. District Two’s forces had fallen into a perfectly microbrewed trap.
“Well, the good news is that these are non-lethal wounds,” the bartender chortled, chewing on every word like a villain in a badly-written FPP. “The bad news is that three of you still have to die.”
DIVISION 3 –Sonic The Hedgehog Dubstep, Boyinaband + NoneLikeJoshua
Emanresu13 didn’t think the situation could get any worse – he had already been through multiple neko attacks, drops, and the worst level of Super Mario Bros. ever. And yet here he was in a boat with Boyinaband and NoneLikeJoshua, who were proving him wrong with their dubstep rap. Was this what the young ones were listening to on their smartphones nowadays?
Chromatique rolled her eyes so hard that they fell out of her sockets. “How many times do we need to listen to this song again?” she muttered as she ran her hands over the wooden floor, attempting to find her dislocated eyeballs.
The answer was as obvious as it was bleak: as many times as it took to get out of this godfangled Tournament in one piece.
DIVISION 4 – Valhalla, Xi
“I wish Sgt. Traveler were still alive,” moaned DissonantMuse. “He wouldn’t have gotten lost in the forest for seven days.”
xAlphaWolf sighed. Men weren’t men anymore.
“Well, at least I can see lights now,” DissonantMuse continued, before pausing…in the echoes of his mind boss music began to play. Oddly jazzy boss music, but boss music nonetheless. They were getting close to the end, he realized. Wherever that was, hopefully there would be hot water and WiFi.
DIVISION 5 – Sokuseki! Nouchoku Music System, MOSAIC.WAV
“Headcount!” Salitz declared. “Can y’all raise your hands?”
Fourteen bruised, chipped and otherwise mutilated hands met his request.
“Well, well,” chimed in one voice, “that’s more than I expected.”
A laugh was halfway out of Salitz’s mouth before the realization struck him. Thirteen heads turned towards YoshL, who grinned darkly as he stroked the beard he had bought from…
“Did you get that from Wal-Mart, dude?” NeoMaxx69 asked. He prided himself on his love of pizza and his willingness to ask the hard questions.
“I wasn’t going to, but it was Black Friday and I wasn’t letting my last dollar go to waste,” giggled YoshL. At least he tried to giggle: the sound was more malevolent than benevolent. Salitz frowned as he tried to pinpoint why.
As it turned out, he didn’t have to.
rCaliberGX raised a quivering finger in accusation. “You set us up.”
“Took ya numbnuts long enough to figure out,” shot back YoshL, as if he were ordering a medium personal pan from Pizza Hut and not stabbing his ostensible lifelong friends in their dirt-stained butts. “Congratulations, I guess? It won’t matter, anyhow – not unless any of you live to tell the tale.”
He snapped his fingers and a porthole into the FFR Event Staff Skype room opened. The others heard him speak one last time: “See you at the finals, suckers!”
DIVISION 6 – Rave5, DEV/NULL
dAnceguy117, ____________ and gameboy42690 could no longer see anything in the cloud of dust around them. “What do we do?” shouted gameboy42690, coughing as the airy musk infiltrated his throat. At this ___________ was wordless.
“Hold my hand and don’t let go!” dAnceguy117 raised his voice to be heard over the avalanche. “Left, right! Left, right!” He wasn’t called that for nothing, but even his years spent in nightclubs and community center dance-a-thons were faltering in the face of 2,642 pounds of rubble hurling downhill.
He knew that this was unstable terrain, but something didn’t quite feel right. He had waved to SaFyre13 only moments before, and everything had been calm then. His vision began to black out; for a brief moment he saw yellow but swallowed just hard enough for the color to fade away.
DIVISION 7 – Epidermis, Venetian Snares
L.B.D.D.’s skin peeled under the sweltering sun as he desperately pushed into shadow_1800’s bleeding chest. His first aid training was slipping away from his fingers with each heave, more and more red pooling beneath his fingers.
Dynam0’s hand settled on his shoulder. “We need to go.” His voice was sandpaper, only a few strings from being completely tattered.
“Why?” Against L.B.D.D.’s own will he blasted the word like a gunshot – harsh, fiery. “So we can die like everybody else?”
“I know how the game works. All of us knew what we were getting into.”
“But we were fighting against somebody else,” L.B.D.D. countered. “And now we’re fighting…against ourselves. While the world watches as we fall one by one.”
He turned to his comrade. “You go. I’m done, but I’m not taking you down with me.”
Laughter had exited Dynam0’s vocal range, but a smile wasn’t beyond his reach. “Good. Neither am I.”
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